(Closed) Shower advice needed.

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You, your mom, or your fiance need to explain that you’re very sorry and you hope she understands, but this was intended to be a small, intimate celebration, for your close friends and family members only.

Post # 4
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think in this situation you really just have to be honest with your Future Mother-In-Law and tell her your mom and sister have only budgeted for 25 people, max.  I would encourage her to maybe think about throwing her own separate shower.  I know money things are awkward to discuss, but dancibg around it just makes it more awkward.  Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
46605 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Leaving aside the issue of your mother hosting your shower, someone needs to speak with your Future Mother-In-Law and tell her that for a number of reasons it just won’t be possible to add 45 guests.

 

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If she wants these people at a shower, can she throw another one for you?

 

Post # 7
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@angelax2:  I think you should suggest to her that she throw a separate party. 

Post # 8
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Can your Future Mother-In-Law host another shower for you? That’s how we did it, and it worked out great!

Post # 9
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@les105:  Agreed.  It’s one thing if it’s a couple people, but she’s added two times the amount of people from your own family.  Politely tell her that due to financial constraints and the desire for an initimate gathering, you are unable to accomodate an additional 45 people.  Is there even room for 60+ people at your shower?  It would need to be a pretty decent sized venue for that…

Post # 11
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Someone (your fiance) needs to have a frank conversation with his mother about what needs to happen.  Your mother shouldn’t have to be put in that situation.  Further, if his mother is not willing to pay for each guest on her list then they are not invited, period.

Post # 12
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You need to stand your ground.  It’s just not an option and that’s the end of it!

Post # 13
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

fine if they want to throw a combo shower. your mom should figure out per person costs and let fmil know. it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable.

your mom: fmil i’m so happy you want to participate- it will be great to get both families together. right now, our budget is $15pp and we have 25 guests. we are happy to add more people to the guest list, but that is our max budget. please feel free to invite as many guests, but i would need your contribution for any additional people.

fmil: i would love to add these 45 people. i will write you a check for my guests.

direct. easy as pie.

Post # 14
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@angelax2:  I wish it was that easy. MY Future Mother-In-Law said these guest must be invited!!!!!

Or…what?  The world will end? Just because she makes a pronouncement from on high doesn’t mean it needs to be followed!

I’m not trying to be rude here, because I’m actually very sympathetic – a pushy family member, especially a close in-law, is hell to deal with. But you (and your fiance) need to stand your ground.   As another PP said, it would be one thing if she had a few close friends or family members she wanted invited, but to effectively triple the size of the shower is not only adding an enormous cost, it’s completely changing the nature of the event from one that is intimate and close to one that is large and impersonal. She shouldn’t get to do that just because she says so.

Post # 15
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would send Fiance to do the dirty work and explain why this is a problem, or like people have mentioned, have her throw another shower for you!

The topic ‘Shower advice needed.’ is closed to new replies.

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