Post # 1
A friend of a friend got married last year in a private ceremony- just her and her husband, for legal reasons. They had been engaged before that, without the legal issue, so they always knew they would get married.
They got married in a private ceremony, and a year later, they are having a public celebration with their friends.
My question is do you think it is common or appropriate for her to have a wedding shower before her celebration? They are technically already married, but I can see why she would want to have all of the standard wedding celebrations.
Post # 3
I see nothing wrong with this. If she didn’t have one prior, there is no reason IMO that she shouldn’t have one now.
Post # 4
As long as it doesn’t feel like a gift grab. Like if she sent out announcements when she did actually get married and people sent gifts then, or if she had a shower before the techincal wedding etc.
Post # 5
I think that ship has already sailed.
Post # 6
I think it is fine. I am sure that she is seeing this “wedding” as her Wedding, so I think that it is great that she is having all the things that go with it.
I was legally joined last year and we are having our “wedding” next month, I would have been crushed my FH and I would not have been able to have all the normal pomp and circumstance with this years wedding. I didn’t and am not having a shower, but I would not have had one anyway, just not for me. FHs sisters and several friends have offer and were disappointed that I said no.
Post # 7
I understand where she is coming from. Being engaged to a military man, I know several couples who got married quickly, usually before a deployment, but they didn’t really formally annouce it or have a shower or any sort of celebration. Then, after the deployment they have their wedding celebration, and that is usually when they get the gifts. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Post # 8
Is it common knowledge that they are married? Or did they get married secretly and plan on using the celebration as the official public start of their marriage?
If everyone knows they were married, IMO, a shower seems gift-grabby. I’d just leave things as the marriage celebration event and not plan a shower.
Post # 9
@BeSeeingYou: Agree here. I’ve had a lot of girlfriends get married because their SOs were leaving for deployment, and then planned a big wedding after he returned. In every case we still did the showers, bachelorette party etc.
Still, I voted ‘other’ because I don’t think any bride is necessarily entitled to any party. But I say that if people want to throw her one, then why not. I threw my sister a baby shower after her baby was already born and everyone had a great time!
Post # 10
Absolutely not. No one is entitled to a shower, ever. Having a shower is a nice extra, but not something that all brides automatically get.
A shower celebrates a transition from single dom to married life, if you have already married you have transitioned, transaction is complete.
It is IMO in very poor taste and it would only look like a gift grab to me.
Post # 11
I think it is okay. I mean I think bridal showers are more than just a party for gifts, it is also a time to celebrate the changes happening in the brides life. I feel like it is always appropriate to celebrate getting and being married.
Post # 12
I chose other. I just had a hard time agreeing with the word “entiteled”. Yes, I think it’s fine to have a shower before a public ceremony and after a private ceremony. But no, I don’t think anyone is entiteled to a shower. Just my opinion 🙂
Post # 13
100% agree. Nobody is “entitled” to a shower, including actual brides-to-be. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are by definition for brides-to-be/bachelorettes. A married woman is neither.
Post # 14
I think a party is ok but calling it a shower is a little much, especially if people already sent gifts when they got married. People can always celebrate but I don’t think I would have a shower unless they were living apart or something like the military example.
Post # 15
“Entitled” is maybe not the best way to put this. I came to this thread looking for the opinions out there on this issue because my husband and I got married last month with 10 other ppl and are throwing the traditional party/ceremony (re-do) in December. My Maid/Matron of Honor (my cousin) has asked me about a shower and I am torn. I don’t want ppl to think it’s a gift grab but I have to point out that the reasons for showers are rarely ever exist anymore. I haven’t been to ONE shower (and I’m in my 30s) where the couple didn’t live together prior to getting married. Which means they had enough household items to survive. It wasn’t a transition at all for any of the brides because of this and they managed to cook and decorate a home prior to their showers. I have often resented some of the items they register for (really? You want a $400 mixer? Or $200 salt and pepper shakers? Really? How did you SURVIVE before you got them?). To that point, we DID register when we got married and there isn’t anything on there we wouldn’t buy for ourselves. In fact, I’ve been buying things off the registry for the last month or so because I actually did need a new toaster and I just can’t wait for a food processor (I never could justify the purchase before). I was previously opposed to registries because everyone that I’ve bought from are for couples that make a LOT of money. The main reason we registered was because not everyone coming to the wedding (in Dec) is from an area where money is standard as a gift. (this is the commonly done thing in the Northeast) I know ppl want ideas for gifts so voila, registry. But if my mother and grandmother want to have a traditional celebration BEFORE our tradtitional wedding?? Still torn.