Post # 1
FI and I got engaged in July, and our wedding is next May. My parents would like to throw us an engagement party in my hometown over the holidays. The people invited to the engagement party would primarily be our families and bridal party, along with some other people who live in my hometown who will be invited to the wedding.
My MOH mentioned wanting to throw me a Christmas brunch shower in early December in FI’s hometown.
Do you ladies think it is ok to have an engagment party after a shower (it would be 2-3 weeks in-betwen)? Normally an engagement party would be the first ‘event’…
Votes and/or comments appreciated!
Post # 3
I probably wouldnt have an engagement party. Asking guests to go to two parties for you within 2-3 weeks is a lot. Especially around the holiday time.
Post # 4
I think a Christmas shower is far too early for a May wedding. Your shower should be in March or April.
Post # 5
Miss Manners says you are entitled to no more than one pre-wedding event where the same people are invited.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t have an engagement party, especially that close to the shower although the shower seems pretty early
Post # 7
She wants to do an ornament shower, where the guests would bring a Christmas ornament with their shower gift, which I think is a very cute idea. While it is earlier than most showers, I don’t think ~4 months early is horribly early (we are getting married at the start of May).
Post # 8
@weddingmaven: Untrue — for two gift-giving occasions, I agree. However, an engagement party is not a gift-giving occasion, so it is acceptable to have overlap in the guest list between an engagement party and a bridal shower. That is not in poor taste.
Post # 9
@kmb727: I still think it’s waaaay to early. That would work for a January wedding, not a May one. I also think two parties during the holidays for one couple is over the top.
Post # 10
@kmb727: Fair enough, but the vast majority of engagement parties are not of the surprise announcement variety that they used to be. An engagement party that is announced ahead of time, by invitation, is technically considered improper since it is likely to be interpreted as a gift giving occasion.
Post # 11
Etiquette Snob here… lol
There is nothing wrong with having a DELAYED Engagement Party… particularly so if it thrown by a Family Member, and the Bride doesn’t live in the same town (ie going home to “family” for the Holidays)
BUT it isn’t kosher to have Shower BEFORE an EParty
EParty first then a Shower
And Showers typically happen in “the weeks” leading up to the Wedding (and after the Wedding Invites are in the mail) not with months and months of leadtime
To be truthful, I think your Mom’s idea is adorable (Xmas Ornaments) BUT with 4 to 5 months lead time it is too far in advance of the Wedding (assuming that your Wedding is set for May 2014 as per your WBee Profile)
Hope this helps,
PS… I VOTED = NO in your poll
Post # 12
December is too early for a shower for a May wedding. I would also find it very strange to be invited to an engagement party after I’ve already gone to someone’s shower. There are so many things wrong with this situation in my opinion.
Post # 13
Agree w/ PPs – the engagement party and shower are both too close in time, especially around the holidays and the shower is way too early.
Post # 14
I think there is such a thing as party overload esp. during the holidays when people are already obligated to go to a bunch of parties.
Post # 15
Everyone has hit the key pts.
What’s so wrong about having a bridal shower later say feb. or april?
Post # 16
TO @weddingmaven: as per “Traditonal Etiquette” when someone else throws an Engagement Party then sending out Invitations are ok, altho more often than not the Invitations are more casual in nature, and done by spoken word, in person or by telephone …
This is considered ok, as it is an occasion meant to “honour” someone else (in the same way that a Birthday, or Retirement Party honours someone)
What isn’t OK is when one organizes their own Engagement Party… one is not meant to honour oneself.
And Engagement Parties are not normally a “gift giving” occassion, so there is no expectation of a Guest bringing a gift.
However, if someone should do so, then they should be thanked in person, “Oh my gosh Mary you didn’t have to do that”… and the gift tastefully put aside to be opened later by the couple in private. Then as per the Rules of Etiquette for all Gifts when given, a personalized Thank You Note should be sent to the Giver asap after the event.