(Closed) Shower Dilemma

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

My friend who has pretty much everything specified he doesn’t want a wedding shower (gay couple), however, I am planning on doing a shower for him as a surprise where instead of gifts everyone is to bring a recipe that they like which will be put in a recipe book. Each guest will be bringing that dish to the shower that corresponds to the recipe they brought. He’s a real big foodie and loves cooking …

My point is you don’t really get a say in whether you have a shower or not, someone may just throw you one (in fact, you don’t have any part in the planning of one – that’s tacky). People throw it for the bride-to-be (or in my friend’s case – groom) out of love. My other point is that the shower does not have to be a present event, it can be something else.

Let them plan one for you – it’s out of love 🙂

Post # 5
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t want a shower, don’t have a shower.  I didn’t want a shower when I was getting married, it pissed off a few people I knew, but they got over it.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hear you on not wanting to be the center of attention. It’s bad enough to be there at the wedding; I don’t want to prolong the experience! But if you are just starting out, it makes your friends and family feel really great to be able to help by giving you gifts. Maybe it will help if you think about it from their point of view.  Also, try telling one person who wants to throw a shower how uncomfortable the idea makes you, so they can take that into consideration when planning it. And if you just can’t wrap your head around it, it’s ok to say no. If your Fiance wants gifts, let someone plan a shower for HIM.

Post # 7
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  I feel the exact same way as you.  My fiancé is like yours as well. All you can do is just tell your friends kindly that you appreciate the gesture, but you would rather not have the shower.

Post # 8
Member
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  If you don’t want to have a shower you don’t have to. However, if your SO wants one “for the gifts” and you don’t like being the center of attention, why not have a Jack & Jill party? He’s there, so the pressure is at least shared, your loved ones get to honor you and he gets his presents! win win win

Post # 9
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  He didn’t want a shower because he doesn’t want any presents (and that’s what he thought you could only have) – the couple, in fact, don’t want any presents for their wedding period (or money). So I am not giving a shower that has anything to do with giving presents. I’m giving him what he wants (no presents) while still having something in his honour.

 @MexiPino:  Yes, that is a good idea.

If you really don’t want one because you are that shy and it would feel like torture, I guess you should definitely speak up and just explain it that way.

Post # 10
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  if someone plans it and throws it in your honor you need to go. let them have fun.

Post # 11
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

Take them up on their offers to throw you showers! You can even request they be showers with no gifts. Like a PP suggested, do recipes! Or have people bring letters/stories to share. Or make it a potluck, even!

Your friends and family want to do this out of love for you. As someone whose love language is gifts, I get it. I LOVE buying people gifts and things, and I also like receiving them! I don’t feel bad opening gifts at my showers – I feel so blessed to be surrounded by people who want to express their love through thoughtful gifts.

I think you should reconsider being open to showers. Plus – they are fun!

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