(Closed) Shower Disappointment

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Awe, I haven’t had my shower yet, but I’d probably smack my friends upside the head if they were raining on my parade.  I’m sorry Snowflake!

Post # 4
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Oh that just sucks! I hope those party-poopers smarten up for your big day, and help make sure it’s a fun one!

Post # 5
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

awwww  Miss Snowflake!! I’m so sorry it was a bummer for you. Mine was fun but I found out about all kinda drama later. (one family member upsetting another etc. etc.) No one was on time to my shower either.  But don’t worry!! Your wedding will be beautiful!! I can’t promise you things will be perfect ( something always goes wrong) but it will be a wonderful adventure! Please don’t sweat over the little things. 

Post # 6
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That’s too bad.  First – don’t people realize what a shower is?  Second – it’s incredibly rude to your Maid/Matron of Honor to not even show up on time.  Seriously, I’m sure that she put tons of work into this shower and then these people acted the way that they did.  I’m really sorry that you have to go through this.  I’m sure your wedding will be fun – don’t let these people get you stressed. 

Post # 7
2680 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry to hear you didnt have a good time at your shower and that your guests didnt help celebrate in your excitement.  Do your group of friends/family really "get" showers or understand them?  I ask because I had a couple friends that attended that had never been to a shower and didnt really understand everything that was going on.  Im sure you will have an amazing wedding day, try not to let your worries get the best of you.  You may have people not show up or not join in, but remember the people that ARE there are there for you and your husband!

Post # 8
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Are you more upset because there weren’t presents and participation – or are you more concerned that people thought it was a lame party and didn’t show their enthusiasm accordingly.  How late did people arrive?  

Are you going to be upset if people show up late, don’t bring gifts or dance at your wedding?  

I think you have a bit of unrealistic expectations about guest behavior.  YES – they SHOULD have arrived on time, brought at least a token of something to the shower and been a good guest and played the games your Maid/Matron of Honor worked so hard on.  But, why did you let that ruin your day?  Try to find the GOOD things about the day (like the effort your Maid/Matron of Honor put into it and those that did bring you thoughtful gifts, etc.) and those that came to support you.  I think if you carry these things into your wedding it won’t matter what happens day of … you’ll still have a wonderful day. 

Post # 10
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

Awww, Miss Snowflake, what a bummer! I would feel let down and sad too. I’m wondering, were the guests mostly friends, or family? I think I would be a little more understanding if it were my own young, broke, inexperienced friends than if my cousins and older relatives and so on refused to participate. I feel like family members, especially older ones, would really know how a shower is supposed to be thrown and would participate accordingly.

I also think it can be hard when you hear from other brides, or read blogs, about how other people have beautiful, sparkly, "how-it’s-supposed-to-be" engagement/bridal experiences.  I’ve had a hard time with elements of that as well. I just try to keep reminding myself that my loved ones are human, and our engagement cannot and will not fall from the pages of a bridal magazine at every turn. 

Post # 11
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

well that stinks.  I think what you’re feeling is legit, but do not worry, everyone should know how to behave for the wedding!  Maybe your friends were just "off" this time.  sorry 🙁

Post # 12
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

That is a stinker.  I hosted a bridal shower for a friend of mine last year and we were horrified that a good third of the guests responded saying that they would be there and then didn’t show up. It certainly was disappointing for me and the other bridesmaids who had spent so much time and money on putting it on.

Perhaps they didn’t take your party as seriously (as if any party should be taken "seriously") because it was a couples shower?  Not that it’s right, but most men I know wouldn’t have the first idea about shower etiquette.

There is always a bright side, though.  After all, your maid of honor put on a great party.  The fact that it didn’t take off is unfortunate, but you’re very lucky to have her in your life.  As I always say to my friends who are planning weddings – if at the end of the day, you’re married, you’ve succeeded.  It isn’t a Broadway show.  Know that your good friends will be there supporting you and celebrating you and forget about the rest of them.  If someone shows up late or not at all, it’s their loss.

Post # 13
302 posts
Helper bee

none of my family and friends gave us gifts for our engagement party… only my mother’s friends came with gifts… which are people i barely know but have met and are invited to the wedding… it kind of shamed some of our family and friends to give us gifts after the party.

Post # 14
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I won’t go into details, but let’s just say our couples shower was kind of a big disappointment. I had been looking forward to it for MONTHS, and it just wasn’t… well, it wasn’t really a shower. No one showed up on time, or brought gifts, and half of those who did show up refused to play any of the games that my amazing Maid/Matron of Honor had planned. I want to shake it off, but for some reason I can’t. I guess I just feel like this was supposed to be a big, fun part of the wedding process, and I kinda feel like I got jipped. It makes me nervous about the actual wedding, and I can’t help but think things like "Is it going to be the same? Is no one going to show up? Am I going to be disappointed again?" Unfortunately, this is kind of a long-standing trend in my life… I look really forward to these "supposed to be" great events, and I’m always let down. And it’s not even that they were my events most of the time… like I was really looking forward to my cousin’s wedding about a year and a half ago, and it was a total let-down. Same thing with both of my proms, my graduation, etc….

I think I just needed to have a little pity party on the boards. Thanks for listening, girls! But has this happened to any of you?

First off, I’m sorry, you were disappointed.  I feel some of that sometimes.  I agree, that perhaps being a couples’ shower, people might have been a little confused aobut what was going on.  Perhaps they thought that meant more of an engagement party or something?  Maybe some of them declined because the guys didn’t want to go to a shower.  Maybe the others didn’t bring a gift because they didn’t think a couples’ shower was a real shower.  I can’t account for why they showed up late.  That is a pet peeve of mine.  I go through great pains to be on time.  

I would try to let it go with regards to comparing it to your reception.  A wedding, I feel has more social demands than a shower.  If they show up late, more people will be there to notice (and in a big reception hall, rather than someone’s home).  Also, ifthey show up late, they miss dinner.  Stuff like that.    And again, maybe the shower confused them.  Are your attendants good friends with any of these folks.  Could they help investigate why so many people acted so rudely?

Good luck.

Post # 15
1356 posts
Bumble bee

What a bummer. I have two showers coming up, and I’m worried about this sort of thing happening. Maybe that’s how I handle it – I assume the worst and am always pleasantly suprised at the outcome! 🙂 I wouldn’t worry too much about this carrying over to your wedding. A shower is much more casual than a wedding – hopefully your friends will get their act together!

Post # 16
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)

Aw, Im sorry to hear …. but your not alone. I was disappointed with my shower as well… it was nice, and all my family and friends came… but i dunno it wasnt how I would of done my shower, or my sisters shower… but i had a blast at my bachlorette… so maybe your friends can step it up a notch 🙂

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