(Closed) Shower Drama

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Aw. Bruingrl. I feel linked to you because I am a bruinbride… but that aside….

So you are most bothered by the fact that you would rather celebrate your Future Mother-In-Law birthday separate from your bridal shower?

It sounds like maybe her friends are trying to ‘kill two birds with one stone’ and throw a big celebratory moment for the both of you. I think that is rather sweet.

My dad’s birthday is three days before our wedding and we are throwing him a surprise birthday party at the hotel we are staying at, complete with a jazz band… catered food… dance floor… and our closest friends and family. To me I feel like the week of our wedding was meant to celebrate all the important moments we hope to be able to share for the rest of our life… with the people we love most.  I know it isn’t the same as sharing a bridal shower with a birthday. 

Would you feel better about the whole thing if you had TWO showers? One with your friends and your side of the family on a separate date? Would you feel differently then in order to share a bridal shower with your FMIL? 

Post # 4
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

What response were you hoping for from your FMIL?  I can definitely understand why you’re upset/annoyed at the choice of date, but, unfortunately, I think you have to be gracious in this case.  Her friends are generously throwing you a shower- why would it be a big deal if they sang happy birthday to your FMIL?  It seems kind of silly to worry about sharing the spotlight for 5 minutes on the date of your shower.  It would be different if we were talking about them having a birthday cake at your wedding reception, but this is just a shower.

Post # 5
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It sounds like she’s open to changing the date, so if you’re really that upset by it, then just get it changed.  Might want to give yourself some time to calm down a little – she won’t take kindly to hearing "I swear I will elope!" 🙂  Let yourself think through it for a day and then ask for a date change if it’s really important to you.  I think it’s fine to request that it be changed and then just do something really nice for her on her birthday.

But, I would say, if it were me, that it might be better left alone.  If your Future Mother-In-Law didn’t care about having it on her birthday, I don’t know why you should?  Just because you don’t want her birthday to cut into your bridal shower?  I would just let it slide personally.

 

Post # 6
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with other posters, if she is open to changing the date then you can change it.  If not, her friends are being gracious enough to throw you a shower even though you dont know them and you should graciously accept whatever date they want as long as it works with your schedule.  What would you do if you unknowingly planned your wedding on someones birthday?  I have read of brides and grooms that got a little cake for the person and it was very sweet.  I think you should try to not let it bother you if there is a cake for her or someone sings her happy birthday.  It is your shower and people will be there for you but it is also your FMIL’s birthday and you shouldnt resent her for that.  And please dont take this the wrong way, but she seems very open to changing the date, maybe she doesnt want your shower to be on her bday so she can have her own day too?

Post # 7
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly, I don’t know why your FMIL’s friends are throwing you a shower.  Do they know you really well?  Have you ever met them?  If the answer is no, I think you should take whatever they’ll give you.  These people hardly know you and want to give you gifts, what’s wrong with them giving their friend a birthday cake and a song? It seems selfish to me to not want to share the day.  You hit the nail on the head, I think it’s both petty and a bit bridezilla…why not just say thank you?  Otherwise, I would politely decline the shower and tell them you think it should just be a birthday party for their friend.

Post # 8
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Hi Bruingrl,

Did you explain everything you needed to about this situation?  I’m wondering if there is a missing piece… 

Are you having another shower?  BMs or your family hositing a shower?  And this is perhaps a second shower with your FI’s family?  If this is the case, I definitely think this is something you need to let go.  Think of it as a bonus shower, whenever it might be.

Is this something that your Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to host but Future Mother-In-Law talked her out of it, because her friends wanted to have a big birthday party for her, and your shower was a convenient excuse?  I feel like you might feel like they are intending this, but unless you clarify, I think this would be a stretch.

Why are your Future Mother-In-Law friends throwing you a shower?  I think it would go a long way with your Future Mother-In-Law, and fostering good family relations if you not only keep the hard feelings to yourself (or vent to your mom), but even go on a limb and call the host to offer "your idea" to sing happy birthday to your Future Mother-In-Law.  And that way you can see just what else, if anything they might have already planned….and prepare yourself for it.

But if there is something we’ve missed here, let us know.

Post # 9
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Are you upset that she’s steal your spotlight or that you’ll steal her spotlight. One is OK, the other is soooo not. You should say thank you and leave it alone. 

Post # 11
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

Everyone’s selfish side rears its ugly head from time to time during wedding planning!!  I’m pretty sure the salon where I bought my dress has me permanently marked in their computer as a bridezilla from hell.  As long as you can be rational about it, which it sounds like you are, it’s not the worst thing in the world.  Have fun at your shower!

Post # 12
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

BruinGrl, Aw. my sympathies to you for the loss of your mom.

I don’t think you are being selfish. You can’t help how you feel. But it sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law and her friends are really trying to be there for you. That is worth embracing. I can understand how you may want things separate so as not to minimize one event over the other- but I would really try to be pollyanna about the whole situation and think on the bright side of things. Which is what it seems you have come to the conclusion of. 

I hope the shower turns out well and meets/exceds your expectations. Take it one day at a time. I bet your mom would be so grateful knowing there are people you are surrounding yourself with in your life who are willing to be there for you during your special moments. =o)

{{{hugs}}} 

Post # 13
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Hugs, bruingrl.  I’m sorry about your mom.  Today is probably a tough day for you.  Hang in there.  It will be super duper when you become a mom.  No doubt we all have those temporary lapses of selfishness.  It’s so nice to have WB to act as our inner conscience.

Post # 14
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh BruinGirl — don’t be so hard on yourself.  A nice apology and a hug and kiss and I"m sure it will be all better.  We can’t wait to hear about how your shower tunred out — regardless of when it happens!!!

 

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