(Closed) Shower Drama

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

oh I’m sorry, that is hard. Even if you don’t “need” one, often you guys like to update your stuff and have new things to start a new chapter of your lives together.. that is hard though.

But you have to realize as well that a lot of people your parents and his parents age grew up in the era where people living together before marriage was frowned upon greatly. I know that my parents and my fi’s parents would have several things to say if we moved in before we married as well… 

Yes, they are supposed to throw you one and it hurts that they are treating you like that too… I’m sorry.

Post # 4
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry you have to deal with this πŸ™  It could be that Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t feel like she would be able to throw a nice event. You never know, she could be socially awkward and not want to have to be put in the social situation of a hostess. She could have *meant* that she really wanted to do it but she’s not the event-planning type and so she asked her daughter so she could make sure someone threw you one. Some people aren’t that great with words unfortunately. I hope things get better for you!

Post # 5
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know about what other comments your Future Mother-In-Law might have made about your wedding, but I don’t think she did anything wrong in this situation. Future Mother-In-Law is not required to throw you a shower. If anything, your bridesmaids or family are responsible for it. 

It would be really nice if she stepped in and took charge of the shower because your family was far away. But you can’t get mad at her if she doesn’t want to – it’s not the FMIL’s job to do that. Showers take time and money to plan! So she doesn’t want to throw you a shower but still cares about your relationship and wants to make sure you’re not mad at her. What’s wrong with that?



PS A lot of brides don’t have a shower – it’s not fun, but not anything to get super upset about. 

Post # 7
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think you thought she needed to throw one from what I read… I get that it’s kinda like she’s making you out to be forcing one when you aren’t.  You can’t control what other people say/do, just try not to make a big deal out of it.

Post # 8
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would be upset too, I think it was a pretty mean comment

Post # 9
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does she know your family isn’t having one? She may not be sure of the boundries?

Post # 10
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I understand it hurts that you want her to be thoughtful and generous, especially since you feel close to her.  It’s hard to say what’s going on that she comes across as less than thrilled.  Maybe it came out the wrong way.  However, honestly, I think this was FSIL’s flub up.  She shouldn’t have told you that much info about their conversation.

When you say she threw a shower for Future Sister-In-Law, is that her own daughter or DIL?  Was she living with her husband before marriage?  If she wasn’t I can see why Future Mother-In-Law would be more undecided about throwing you one.  She might not know if you care for one, or if showers are normally given to couples already living together.  (It might not be a passive agressive stance.)  ANd it might be that she’s not much of a party thrower.  Maybe your FSIL’s shower was more hassle than she cared to have.  My mom is kind of that way.

Will you be mad at her if she doesn’t throw one?  I could be way wrong.  But it kind of sounds like you do want her to throw one.  And that you would be mad if she didn’t.  If you do want a shower, I think you should agree.  (Or you’ll be more upset.) But if you are OK with not having one, just thank her but decline.  If you want to put the ball back in her court, you could try saying, “If she wants to host one, I would be honored, especially in the absence of my family.  But I don’t want to put her out, if she has too much on her plate.  I’m sure there are things we could use for our home.  But we’ve acquired most of what we need.”  

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