(Closed) Shower drama!

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I haven’t been through it.  But I think you are not even close to being ridiculous.  $200 seems more than fair to me.  If you are party to hosting the shower, then you get to establish the parameters.  Other people don’t get to decide who and how many, then dictate to you what you are paying.  Sorry!

If the Maid/Matron of Honor decided on a large couples shower without you, she can make up the difference that is beyond your budget.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  good luck.

Post # 4
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

The Maid/Matron of Honor is out of line.  She shouldn’t be planning anything (much less a giant couples shower) without first discussing it with you, the other bridesmaids, and anybody else who is expected to contribute financially.

Please don’t let yourself be bullied into spending more than you can afford.

Post # 6
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That’s a LOT of people for you guys to pay for, especially with only 3 bridesmaids and the mom unwilling to contribute.  $200 is a lot of money to spend on a shower!  I think Maid/Matron of Honor needs to figure out a more economical way of throwing this… either that or have bride cut that list by 60-70%.

Post # 7
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you are being cheap at all, that is a lot of money.  I’m surprised the person in charge of the shower didn’t ask how much everyone could afford beforehand.

I’m a bit confused about the bride’s mother contributing…. I know a lot of people don’t strictly adhere to tradition, but I thought I read somewhere that it is bad ettiquette for the mother of the bride to host the shower?  Maybe that is why she isn’t contributing?

Post # 8
179 posts
Blushing bee

Pretty selfish of the mom to not contribute anything to her own daughter’s bridal shower. Do you know if Maid/Matron of Honor even asked her to contribute at all? Maybe this could be why the mother of the bride isn’t chipping in anything….


Post # 9
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Typically it is bad ettiquete for the Bride or her family to have any part in the planning of the shower. Something about looking greedy is what my aunt says. You shouldn’t expect the mother to pitch in. It should have been up to the MOH; or whoever is the hostess; to talk to everyone about budget before she decided on the size and type of shower.

Post # 11
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Okay yes, that sounds messed up.  You’re not being cheap at all.  When you’re expected to contribute to something financially, you should be in on all the discussions.  Or maybe if you’re not involved in the discussions, you say upfront, “Okay, I’m contributing X dollars” and that’s that, regardless of how much the thing actually ends up costing.

I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding and the shower is this weekend.  There’s one other bridesmaid and we’re the ones hosting it.  The Bridesmaid or Best Man has been hard to in contact with because she’s still in college and super busy, so I’ve basically been planning it myself.  We did discuss favors and how much they would cost and we both approved what we were getting, but that was it.  Everything else that I’ve done for the shower, I don’t expect her to contribute to financially, because we didn’t discuss it beforehand.  I really wanted to do certain things, regardless of price, and it would be totally unfair of me to expect her to help me pay for things that I want and decided on, without asking her input.  I’m only expecting her to help me contribute to the favors which we already talked about and MAYBE food, but even that, I don’t care if she contributes, because I made all the food/drink decisions myself without consulting her.  I’m more concerned that she’ll be annoyed I took over planning than about her helping pay for things!

Sorry for the rant, but your Maid/Matron of Honor is out-of-line.  If her and the mother want to do something pricey and are willing to pay for it themselves, that’s fine, but they can’t expect you to contribute when you’ve been very clear about your budget from the get-go.

And just to add to the mother-topic, in some places it’s considered bad ettiquette for the mother of the bride to help throw the shower, so mothers don’t always contribute.  My mom brought a pie to my shower, but that was it.  For the shower I’m throwing, the mother of the bride hasn’t been involved at all.

Post # 13
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You’re not being at *all* cheap.  It’s rude of the Maid/Matron of Honor to plan a party for which she expects you to contribute without running all of it by you. 

Post # 14
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

My daughters have been in many weddings,and the showers given by them are always evenly divided cost-wise. Depending on how many bridesmaids there have been would determine how much they had to contribute. All costs associated with giving the showers(invitations,postage,location if not at someone’s home,food,beverages,cake,favors and decorations) plus the large gift (from the bridal party) have been divided evenly. It’s just the way we’ve always had it done. Sometimes it was only $100. per person, and other times its been $300.+ It all depends on how many guests are invited and how many BM’s there have been.

Each of my daughters have had just a Maid/Matron of Honor and a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and their showers had between 20~30 guests. Both were held in restaurants where lunch was served. Each shower cost between $900.~$ 1200., which I split with the girls,bringing their costs to between $225.~$300. for just the shower,and they bought their own gifts in addition.

I think every family and area may do things differently, but in mine, all the Moms usually contribute in some way. I wonder what the Maid/Matron of Honor in your case told the bride’s Mom…maybe that you 3 would take care of everything? Maybe the conversation took place before the guest list got as large as it did, and now she doesn’t know how to discuss the Mom’s contribution with her?
I also have never heard of a Bridesmaid or Best Man having a cap or set amount they were only willing to contribute. Are you saying that the other two should split the rest no matter what it is?

Post # 16
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

“I also have never heard of a Bridesmaid or Best Man having a cap or set amount they were only willing to contribute.”

It’s not just about “willing;” it’s also about “able”.  It’s nice that your daughter’s bridesmaids could afford to shell out up to $300 for a bridal shower (on top of whatever other expenses associated with being in the wedding), but it is totally unreasonable for one person to unilaterally set a budget for the whole party unless she A) plans on footing the entire bill herself, or B) discusses the cost with the other hostesses to make sure they can afford their share.

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