(Closed) Shower Drama.. (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh wow!  How stressful and kinda ridiculous for your great aunt to behave this way over, essentially, the order in which names were listed on an invite.  I would provbably try calling her again and if she doesn’t answer/respond perhaps you can send her a letter (unless she’s email savvy).  And I would explain to here that no offense was meant and that you do apologize if she was offended but at the end of the day such a small “offense” is not worth turning your back on a family member.  And if she feels she is justified in behaving this way then maybe it’s best if she not attend the wedding.

Good luck OP.

Post # 4
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow it sounds like great aunt is being very immature. At this point though, it is her decision if she would like to attend. Sounds like you have other family (stepmom, MOH) who will be there for you no matter what, and that is all that matters. Even if its only 10 people at your shower it can still be a great time! Enjoy it and let it be what it is. If these people are so immature as not to come to the shower or wedding over this, then that is their loss.

Post # 6
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

This sounds like a control issue and older people trying to exert their family “status” over you. It is very unfair for all of those older women to gang up on you because of problems they may or may not have with your step-mom. This sounds means of me, but at a certain age, some people just need stuff to get crotchety about. Maybe they enjoy drama and don’t have much else to do. I would CALL each one of them, and being mature and polite, explain that your grandmother’s memory is far more important to your wedding than shower invites. If they don’t go, they are probably disrespecting your grandmother’s wishes more than “protecting” her side of the family. If they do or do not go, you can still involve her in the ceremony in other ways – maybe place a beautiful framed picture near the seat assignments, wear a piece of her jewelry, saying a little something about her.

This isn’t your fault, it’s other people’s craziness.

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@raches003:  It sounds like you’ve done enough to try to calm the waters. You’ve explained yourself and it fell on deaf ears. I’m so sorry hun. *Hugs*. It is not unreasonable whatsoever to list people in ABC order. They should know it. Also, to say the shower has been grief is absurd. She offered the shower. By you suggesting to co-host it with your SM would have helped your great aunt.

How close were you to your GMs sisters growing up? Have they always been distant or is their behavior new?

Post # 8
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry but I just don’t think that two people that hate each other so much should have planned a shower together. It was a bad idea in the first place. They are both being very immature about this and I’m sorry you’re caught in the middle.

Post # 12
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I can’t believe they’re punishing YOU over an invitation that you didn’t even design.  Scratch that – I can’t believe they’re punishing you over a piece of paper, period!  They’re saying they won’t come to your WEDDING over this?  They are being vindictive and beyond petty.  

I also have a blended family that doesn’t get along – I feel your pain on being caught in the middle and trying to keep the peace.  I ended up not being able to invite my half sister to my shower because my mom didn’t want her mother (my stepmother) there.  It was a crappy choice to make, but sometimes you have to choose between evils.  Let your aunts know that you’re sorry that their feelings are hurt, but your Maid/Matron of Honor meant nothing personal when making the invites, and that you hope they attend.  Do not apologize further.  If they choose to be sucky people and drown themselves in their own drama, that is unfortunately their own choice.

On the plus side, it’s amazing that your Maid/Matron of Honor has been able to be there for you while dealing with her own family trauma.  She sounds like an incredible friend.

Post # 13
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@raches003:  I would call her and just talk about everything non-wedding related for awhile. And then you can ask her if everything is okay. Say that you were so excited she was going to continue your grandmother’s tradition of making your blended family work and are hurt now that it doesn’t look like it is going to happen. Say that you really want her to be involved and to help you honor your grandmother and your blended family, but if she no longer wants to be involved, you will naturally be hurt, but you will understand. Make it about being “how grandma used to do things” and “your blended family”. 

 

Best of luck!

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@raches003:  Let them be catty and go enjoy your shower. Be surrounded by people who mean you well in life.

Post # 16
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like your great aunt wanted out back when she asked you if you’d rather have larger items from the registry than the shower, and when she realized she really upset you, she agreed to continue with the plan to pacify/placate you. From that point on she was probably just going through the motions continuing with plans but looking for an excuse, any excuse, to back out. The invitation wording gave her an out — something, although totally illogical and ridiculous, to find fault with and to provide her with the perfect excuse she was looking for to back out of the committment.

If your great aunt has never acted like this before and has gotten along with your stepmom in the past, chances are this was brought on by other people’s opinions. If your other great aunts don’t like your stepmom, they likely pressured your great aunt and poisoned her against your stepmom and your shower. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that whenever someone starts acting very abnormal, there’s typically someone else behind it putting pressure on them to think or behave differently. If that is the case, shame on her for not standing up to whomever (her sisters?) might be pressuring her, shame on her for putting you in the middle, and shame on her for putting a huge damper on your shower (and possibly wedding) if she doesn’t show up. 

It’s terrible when family drama interferes with wedding plans as it’s already a very emotional time in your life.  People who bring a dark cloud over another person’s special day(s) because they are selfish/self-absorbed in their own issues and can’t be adult/mature enough to set aside differences for one day are better off staying home.  I know you really want your family members to be at your shower and your wedding, but if they are just going to upset you further, you will probably be much more relaxed if they don’t show up. In the long run, they are the ones who will regret it as they will one day look back and realize how ridiculous they were. Enjoy your special days and don’t let anyone else bring you down.

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