Post # 1
We are compiling the list for my daughter’s wedding shower. Here is my question: If someone has already done some pretty significant “favors” for the bride, should that person be invited to the shower? I feel torn about the correct thing to do. We have been really blessed to have some folks donate as gifts to my daughter some pretty significant “services,” like the use of a vintage limo for the wedding day for no charge. So, should that family receive a shower invitation? I feel as if they are already going above and beyond and don’t need to feel obligated to purchase a shower gift, but I also don’t want them to feel we excluded them from the shower as a social event. How did you handle situations like this? Advice from anyone who had this type of situation is appreciated. We have had more than one really generous gift such as the limo and the use of a venue for her shower. (It’s good to have generous friends.)
Post # 2
I’d say invite them and insist on no gift on their invitation or when you talk to them?
If they bring a gift anyway, well not much you can do, but if they don’t get invited it’s like punishing them for giving a great gift..
Post # 3
You sound like people who appreciate what is proper, and who value pleasant social intercourse more than the potential loot to be garnered at a shower. So here is a simple solution: replace the word “shower” on your invitations, checklists and planning chart with the word “tea”. A shower is implicitly a mandatory-gift event. Soliciting gifts for your own daughter is not quite nice. If your daughter truly needs a stand-mixer and cannot provide one for herself, then you help her out with that instead of holding a charity event to get out of that obligation.
Because a “shower” is basically just that: charity — a call on the invitees to show their love by actively providing material goods. It’s become a tradition, but it’s still an ambiguous tradition of dubious taste, best left to the bride’s best friends who can be trusted to know who will actually WANT to give a little extra to the bride, or to the social convener at work or church or club who will simply take up a collection so that no-one needs to give more than they want. A “tea” on the other hand is a purely social event at which gifts are inappropriate: all the social nicety of a shower without the material aspect, and entirely appropriate to be hosted by the bride’s close relatives.
Post # 4
I don’t necessarily agree with the pp above me. It is no where near uncommon for mothers to host bridal showers / baby showers for their daughters in my location (Southern Indiana). If you are in a location where it is also common, don’t feel like the shower you are planning for your daughter is “charity.”
As for your OP, I would still invite them to the shower but just insist that they do not bring a gift. You could simply insert a handwritten note in with their invitations that let them know that their presence is present enough.
Post # 5
aspasia475 : I am not hosting the shower. Her bridesmaids are the hosts, but they have asked us for her list of whom to invite. I have contributed some things to the shower just because they are young and starting their lives, so I have volunteered to do some things for them, but they are the hostesses. 🙂
Post # 6
I would absolutely invite them but follow up with a phone call letting them know that you hope they can come to enjoy the party but that they have contributed more than enough to the wedding and not to bring a gift. They may still show up with a small gift, but at least they know that their “service gift” is recognized as an actual gift as well.
Post # 7
smalltownbigworld : I am not hosting. Her bridesmaids are the hostesses, but my other daughter is in the wedding party, so she is helping with planning, and she keeps me in the loop. lol (Also known as she tells Mom things they need so that Mom will arrange things. lol)