(Closed) Shower Etiquette

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

How long ago was the previous shower/cancelled engagement?

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i would stay out of it and let the bride invite who she wants. if people are mad and don’t want to come/bring a gift, it’s up to them. the bride will have an issue with them, not at you.

Post # 5
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

As artbee mentioned, typically the bride should provides a shower list, and I would invite the people she wants there.  If other family members are as hurt by her decision to not return the gifts from her previous engagement as you are, I’m guessing she will get lots of well wishes and congratulations, but less extravagant gifts.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’d keep it in the back of my mind, but stay out of it for now. It’s really up to the gift givers what they want to do. Just use it as an FYI for the Maid/Matron of Honor after the invitations go out, like if she’s not getting any ‘yes’s’.

How long ago was her shower before and why on earth did she keep all the gifts??

Post # 7
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

This might be an unpopular question— but why is she having a second shower at all?  The point is to get gifts for your household, and it sounds like she already got these . Why not have a tea or luncheon and have the party revolve around playing some bridal games and well-wishing, rather than gift-opening?  Or maybe you could make it a theme shower (lingerie or something) that will make the gifts different from whatever she got at the first one.

But if the bride wants a regular shower, just go with it.  It sounds like the Maid/Matron of Honor is in charge of it (from your post), so probably the biggest help you can be is to diffuse the situation with any irate family members.  And maybe suggest to the bride that her registry include some modestly priced items for repeat shower gift-givers.

Post # 9
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I like the idea of the theme shower, like lingerie or recipe exchanges. I don’t think it’s a matter of the double invitees, as it would be the gift situation. It’s a sticky situation, I would bring up the idea of a theme shower and ask if she wants to do  something new this time around?

If anyone is really annoyed, they either won’t show up, or won’t bring a gift.

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Five years is a long time to hold a grudge about a place setting.  If the girls are into it now, what’s the problem?  My best friend was in a similar situation (even down to the five years), and I don’t remember anyone being upset.  Showers are thrown FOR the bride, not BY her, anyway.

Post # 11
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

Five years have passed, I think she’s allowed to have another shower. I wouldn’t worry about it, I’d be excited for her! If everyone else is on board, then I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t be too!

Post # 12
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree – let the bride make the shower guestlist and just keep out of it. It’s not your problem if people get annoyed about it. I will say, though, that keeping the shower gifts was a pretty bold move. I wonder if it has even occurred to her that people might be offended.

Post # 13
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Now that you’ve mentioned it’s been five years, I think it’s probably okay.  

Just explain to your mom and sister that she and her bridal party would like to spend some quality time with everyone, and if they DIDN’T invite family members, that would probably be rude too.  Hey, people can always give her like, a measuring cup or something if last time they went in on a KitchenAid ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t know- I would be irritated if I was one of those repeat guests.  She should absolutely have sent those other gifts back.  But I do think she is entitled to a shower, especially since there will be relatives from the groom’s side as well.  I also think it’s a little odd that 5 years later she has an almost entirely different wedding party.  I would just let her supply the guest list and go with the flow if I were you.

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