Post # 1
I’m a long-distance bride–my fiance and i live out of state, as does my Maid of Honor and one bridesmaid lives in state but 4 hours from where the wedding is. Christmas is the ideal time for such wedding festivities since everyone will be home (ie: where the wedding is), however, one bridesmaid is getting married shortly after me and is also having her shower and bachelorette party over christmas.
Just got off the phone with mom and mentioned the probability of there being a shower over christmas sometime and she’s like “well who’s going to throw it for you?” despite having previously told me she was going to talk to my MoH about doing all that stuff over christmas. Thanks mom, for being consistent. She went on to suggest that i double up on the bachelorette party w/ my bridesmaid (who’s MoH is planning everything crazy in advance cuz she lives out of hte country) and i’m said “ummm. no. 1) she’s already got her party planned. 2) just no.”
Now i feel like bridezilla for two reasons, 1) i was kind of expecting to have a shower over christmas (the etiquette behind mommy-can’t-plan-it-for-you slipped my mind and no one else has said anything about it, i’ve talked briefly about it w/ my MoH but she doesn’t seem to have any thoughts about it at the moment and i’d feel REALLY terrible being like “ok can i have a shower please?”) 2) i totally shot down my mom’s idea of doubling up and i wasn’t terribly polite about it. (just said “umm..no.” then gave the reasons i already mentioned)
Am i a terrible person? Is it greedy to expect a shower at all? Christmas is really the only time when everyone will be in town, but it’s fast approaching and no one seems to have any thoughts on it. I’m just feelin kinda crummy and me-me-me. Now i kinda feel like i’ve been pushing it too much talking to my MoH about it and telling my mom i figured it’d be over christmas. She didn’t sound happy about that at all, I think she wants it some other less busy time. I’ve been really looking forward to the shower cuz i thought i’d be fun.
Sometimes I feel like since fiance and i have been engaged for so long (over 2 years come wedding time), people are more like “finally” than actually excited we’re getting married. Is it wrong of me to want other people to be excited too?
Post # 3
Hehe, I was totally ready to jump in with the story about the lady at my gym who shaves her bikini line in the group shower… BAD SHOWER ETIQUETTE!
But onto what you were actually asking… I think people probably just aren’t in the frame of mind to be thinking about a shower for a May wedding in December. I think for my shower, I had it in June, and nobody even started thinking about it until maybe March-ish. If you really want to have it in December, I think you’ll have to be the one driving the bus, and ask your Maid/Matron of Honor or an auntie or something to host it.
Otherwise, I’d look to whatever, maybe smaller, shower you can have hosted for you in March or April.
ETA – I had my wedding in my current hometown, and my bridesmaids and mom all came to me from 5 hours away. The reason they may not be thinking about the Christmas shower, is they may be willing to make a special trip closer to the date 🙂
Post # 4
Have you thought about having your shower a day or two before the wedding? The distance of everyone in your situation seems to reslemble mine… I’ve mauled this over time and time again and the only clear solution that I’ve come up with is holding the bridal shower/bachlorette party (on the same day) the Thursday before my Saturday wedding. I figure most people like to take long weekends. 🙂
It may not be for everyone – but it’s an idea. 😀
Post # 5
i understand how you feel and i dont think there is anything wrong with it. i just moved away and am going home for xmas where my family and friends are. and my wedding is in April. my shower will be the day after xmas…thing is, with my family and friends, we have no “etiquette”. i told my sister, who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, what day and time i want my shower to be!! and she is organizing it from there, LOL. this is just after her baby shower where she had sent me a list of things she wanted to happen at her baby shower and what day and time she wanted it, LOL.
from what you told me about your mom’s inconsistency and your Maid/Matron of Honor being wishy washy, i am tempted to think there might be a SURPRISE for you when you go home. that won’t happen for me because i made it clear that i didn’t want a surprise, so i can be sure to be wearing what i wanted to wear to my bridal shower, LOL. that’s just how it is in my family i guess. we don;t get offended and follow rues, we just know we are going to do it for each other.
you know your friends and family best, and if they are really your good friends and supportive family, why would they care. you only get married once and as long as you don’t expect something extravagant that will costs lots of money. just tell your Maid/Matron of Honor how you think it would be good time! if they are surprising you though, it might be tricky, as you don;’t want to ruin it….