(Closed) Shower Etiquette

posted 12 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I think this sounds very reasonable.  I’d have your fiance talk to his mom.  Just have him tell his mom that she needs to help share the cost of the shower for his side of the family. (or they won’t be included and she’ll have to host her own shower) 🙂  Maybe Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t know what your Mom had planned and realize the cost of it??!!??

Since his mom is thinking it’s a combined shower is she planning to come to town to attend??

Good luck 🙂

Really if your mom is hosting the shower – she should invite those that she (you) want.  She should not feel bullied into including his family.  Even if it seems the ‘nice’ thing to do once she realized his mom (or cousins or aunts or anyone on his side of the family) is not planning a shower for them.


Post # 5
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

My Future Mother-In-Law and all of their family live out-of-state.  I did not expect for them to attend my shower, and addressed it early on.

I talked to my Future Mother-In-Law ahead of time and told her that while I would love for her and the other to attend, I completely understood if she didn’t due to the travel costs. 

I rationalized that they were all going to be spending money coming to the wedding, which was the real celebration anyway, and that the shower was just a small group of people.

If you turn it around so it seems like you are considering her feelings and her resources, it’ll be a lot more positive.  But don’t be afraid to express that while you’d love all of your new family members to be included, you really want it to be a small group of people who are close to you now.

Again, emphasize that the wedding is where you celebrate your new life w/ your husband, which includes his family and that’s the appropriate time to have the extended fam join in. 

Hope this helps.  None of my FIL’s attended my shower, and I was very happy to spend it with my true group of girls.

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