(Closed) Shower Ettiquite Questions – Number, Frequency and Registry?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 4
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would think you shouldn’t invite guests to two showers.  Divide them amongst your showers.

Encore means second marriage, right?  Not sure what I’d do about registering then.  Seems like you’d almost have to, otherwise you’ll end up with a whole lot of stuff you already have.

Fiance and I have been together 8 years and he did not want us to register.  However, with two showers coming up I felt like I had to!

Post # 5
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Sorry that I didn’t see this until now!

1.  Who gets invited to the showers?  Friends?  Family?  I assume it will be a co-ed shower since this is a friend of the groom’s family.

I don’t think it has to be co-ed but it’s up to you and the hostess. From my somewhat limited experience, the people invited are usually all women–immediate family and close friends of the bride. But I know other people hold co-ed showers so I think it’s whatever you want it to be.

2.  How many people are usually invited?  Our guest list is over 250 people, so unless I know what’s considered “traditional”, it could get out of hand quickly.

I don’t think there’s a traditional number. I’ve been to some with 8 people and others with closer to 30. This would be something to talk to the hostess about as she probably has an idea of how many people her house can accomodate.

3.  Do I invite the same people to both showers, or do I try and spread it out and invite a certain group to one and not the other?

I can’t really answer this as I’ve never been to multiple showers but once again, I would say it depends. I’ve been involved in weddings where there was a shower and a bachlorette lingerie party/shower and the same ladies were invited to both. Maybe one shower could be strictly advice/recipes only and one shower could be more household gifts oriented?

4.  Do we need to register?  We had been toying with the idea of NOT registering, but since we’ll be having a shower, I feel like we should.

As a guest, it’s always nice to have a register to refer to. Also, registering is in your best interest so you don’t end up with duplicates and random things that you cannot exchange because you don’t know where they came from. If you already have everything you could possibly want perhaps you could consider upgrading?

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

1.  Yes, friends and family but generally close friends/family.

2.  Generally close friends/family get invited to showers, and people who live in the area. I live in a different state than most friends/family and are rarely invited to any showers (ironically I would probably go if I was invited, but most times I’m not)

3.  You might try dividing the guetst – family at one, friends at another. That way you can spend time with both.

4.  I think you should register. In theory it will help you prevent multiples of the same gift, and should make any returns easier since everything’ll be from the same store. Plus registering makes it so much easier for your guests to get something you really want!

Post # 8
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

Some of this is redundant, I know:

1) Only people who are invited to the wedding are invited to the shower (you might already know this but I haven’t seen it mentioned so there it is, lol)

2) Ditto other posters- close friends and family.

3) I think you can invite the same people twice, if you want to.  It might be cleaner if each of your hostesses invites people from the circle to which she belongs.  So your Maid/Matron of Honor invites all of the people that the she and you are both acquainted with, and your FI’s friend invites all of the people that she and you are both acquainted with.  However, your wedding party should be invited to both, period.

4) Register!  You don’t have to force yourself to put 100 things on your registry, but surely there are a few items you and Fiance would like to add to your household or replace.  I recently attended a wedding with a VERY short registry- a few linen items, decorative pieces, and a new set of knives.  Then they had a honeymoon registry.  People like having guidance as to what you want/need.

 

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Since you want to know about etiquette I will tell you that it is against etiquette to have a shower for a second marriage. If he had not been married then you could get away with it if his side was hosting.

A shower is a party that that is meant to prepare a ladies household as she transitions from single to married, once you have transitioned you don’t get this again.

As for guest list it is only your nearest and dearest, not every wedding guest. The hostess determines how many people she can host not vice versa.

You definitely do not invite the same people to both. Guests should only ever be invited to one shower, or it can seem like a gift grab.

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