(Closed) Shower gift etiquette question..

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t believe a thank you is required but I always think it’s gracious to thank people who took the time to attend. I sent thank you notes out to people who attended my wedding who didn’t give a gift just a short “Thanks for sharing the day with me and all your good wishes” is nice. 

Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m not having a shower so I’m not sure what I would expect, but I have never attended a shower without bringing a gift…is it normal for people to do that? I guess I never noticed if everyone else brought gifts or not.

Post # 4
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t know what the “official” etiquette on this is, but I think that you don’t need to send a thank-you unless there was a gift. 

The practical advantage to doing that is also that if anyone purchased a gift and had it mailed directly to you (a more usual occurence with online registries), not receiving a thank-you note is a cue to them to check up on whether you actually got it. 

Post # 5
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Honestly, I probably wouldn’t send thank you’s to those who didn’t bring a gift or card. Not because I was annoyed they didn’t bring anything but because I feel that thanking them for attending was already achieved verbally at the shower. However, as this is your FI’s family, it might be worth sending out a short “thanks for attending” note just to keep the peace.

FWIW, I plan to send out thank you notes to everyone who attends the wedding (with or without a gift). I only sent thank you’s to those guests who gave us a gift at our engagement party (no one turned up with just a card – it was either a gift or nothing) and haven’t received any backlash.

Post # 8
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

I know the official etiquette re: weddings says that you only send thank you cards to people who brought gifts. The idea behind that is that sending a thank you to the other guests kind of points out that they didn’t bring anything. I think it would be the same for a shower. Assuming they were properly hosted at a party, they don’t need a thank you for showing up.

I personally would be mortified to show up at a shower empty-handed.

Post # 9
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

i know i might get beat up for this but WHO TF turns up with nothing?! or just a card?! WTF

Post # 10
Member
6673 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

FutureMrsTY:  I was just thinking the same thing.  It’s a shower, for heaven’s sake… that’s the whole point of that particular type of party.  Unless it’s something like a mother and daughter who went in together on a gift and the bride misunderstood.  Oh well, takes all kinds to make the world go round.

You thanked them verbally, OP.  That’s good enough. I think sending a note now would appear the same as saying “and hint, hint, you forgot my GIFT!”  Better to just let it slide.

Post # 13
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

peridot456:  I second this. I actually had a few people not give gifts at my wedding, although they traveled great distances to attend and their presence was gift enough for me. I considered thank yous for their time but my family told me it was rude and a hint for a gift. Luckily I’d thanked them for coming in person!

Post # 14
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’ve always thought that if a gift wasn’t given you not have to send a thank you card.  A verbal “thanks for coming” during the shower is perfectly fine.

However, if I had enough cards, I would probably still send along a note after the fact to thank them for attending.  But that’s really only because I’m a card person.

Post # 15
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

woodyjunebride:  You should NOT send thank you notes to people who didn’t give a gift. It’s not gracious or extra polite, it’s actually seen as fishing for a gift after the fact. You thank people for attending in person. So if you later send a thank you note (which are intended to thank people for gifts) it comes off as if you’re saying “Hey — remember my shower? The one you didn’t bring a gift to? Yeah, that one. Well… you gonna send that gift now?” So, it’s not mean or petty to NOT send one, and it’s not “keeping the peace” TO send one. It might actually backfire because people are just as likely to see it as a backhanded way of asking for the gift, or even worse, literally saying “thanks for nothing” and rubbing the lack of gift in their face.

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