(Closed) Shower gift etiquette – who’s right, me or my mom?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

According to what I’ve read, your mother is right.

ETA: Some people still do gifts for both, but others just do the shower gift, or decline the shower and just do a wedding gift.

Post # 4
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If I have learned anything from members of WeddingBee, it’s that things vary so much by geographic region.

Where I live showers are completely separate from wedding gifts. When invited to a shower, you get an appropriate gift for the theme of the shower.

Later on you purchase a wedding gift, which is usually more expensive and/or  something of an enduring nature like crystal, linens, silver, etc.

Post # 5
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Depends on your social circle and the customs they go by!  If your mom knows most the women and attendees, she may very well be right.

Post # 6
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I was taught that you only take one gift, but others have said you should take gifts to both.

I think I would take a registry gift to the shower, and cash to the wedding.  But I’m the type of person that never goes to a party empty handed, be it cookies or wine or a gift.  Others, I realize, are not so thoughtful.  So I expect very little, and if I get lots, then I’m surprised.

Post # 7
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would say it totally depends on who/what/what’s common amongst your circle, etc.  The same answer you’ll find all over, haha!  I plan to spend a ridiculous amount of money on my brother and his fiancée, for example.

I would also say that it depends on your registry and the choices there.  ie – If you have place settings that are $160+, and I was attending by myself, I may consider buying you the one large item for both events.  However, if there are lots of items that follow the split of what I was planning to spend, that might be what I would choose.

Those are my two cents, not sure it helps!

Post # 9
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I didn’t realize that – but it was definitely the case in my situation.  I only got shower gifts from a couple people and not a wedding gift.  Other’s did both shower and wedding gift.  For the solo gift people: I was really surprised by this – especially in one case, where she was a close friend and I was expecting something else for the wedding (d’oh!).

ETA:  I’ve never ever heard of this and always do both a shower and wedding gift… 


Post # 10
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If money were no object (which I’m sorry to say is not true these days) then I would get something really nice for the shower and something super nice for the wedding.  But if I were on a budget, I would really scale down the shower gift so I could give more for the wedding.  I would say that, etiquette or not, be prepared that there will be people who will feel compelled to choose, depending on finances.

Post # 11
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve always given a registry gift for the shower and cash for the wedding.  I see the shower and the wedding as two totally separate events so I’ve always given both.  We haven’t had our wedding yet so I can’t say what people will do but in our circle I think people follow the “rule” I do.

Post # 13
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I gift about the same for both. I usually buy them an actual gift for the shower and then gift money for the wedding.

Post # 14
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I haven’t been to many weddings.  But, I just gave FCIL something off of her registry for her bridal shower and that’s it.  I’m not loaded, and trying to plan a wedding of my own, so I really couldn’t afford to spend hundreds on her.  Her parents and a couple of aunts/uncles gave her gifts at the shower AND money at the wedding, though. 

Post # 15
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rubyred605: i agree with this exactly, and this is what i do as well

Post # 16
2 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I usually give a gift from the registry at the shower and then money at the wedding. I usually spend about the same on both the gift and the money.

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