(Closed) Shower gift etiquette – who’s right, me or my mom?

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 32
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would expect a gift from the shower goers then a card and MAYBE money at the wedding. I wouldn’t give someone two gifts, I probably wouldn’t give them money at the wedding either. I would just give the gift at the shower and bring a card.

Post # 33
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If I attended both parties I would give a gift at both events, for sure, but usually I have a total budget per wedding — so yes, if I gave you a shower gift, I’d likely give you a somewhat less expensive wedding gift. It’s just the reality of economics, I’m afraid!

Also…. remember no one “has to” get you a wedding gift. Just showing up is a big enough expense for a lot of people.

Post # 34
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@AshleyR83:

Ok so those of us whose social circles and norm to give a shower gift and a card or monitory gift at the wedding are cheap, tacky, rude and ignorant? Ok…:) Good to know!

Post # 35
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have always given a gift for each.  Normally my protocol is an actual gift for the shower and money for the wedding.  I actually have never heard of one taking the place of the other.

Post # 36
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I never even considered geographical regions.  All I know is giving a gift at a shower and wedding.  Like many PPs, a gift off the registry for the shower (how much I spend depending how good a friend) and cash for the wedding (FH and I give the same amount for all the weddings we go to pretty much at least recently).

Thanks for the heads up!!

Post # 37
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have never heard of only giving a gift at one or the other!  I’ve always done a gift or money for both the shower and the wedding.

Post # 38
Member
3189 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve always thought you give a registry gift for the shower and a gift or cash (usually cash) at the wedding. That’s how I’ve always seen it done. Probably easier to not argue with her though, it’s not really any of her business how many gifts you get or at what event.

Post # 39
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Im from the south and if you bring a gift to the shower, you dont necessarily have to give one at the wedding. The shower is a way to give gifts without having to carry them around (hence why most gifts at a shower are bigger (like vaccuums, etc)).

If you do end up giving another one at the wedding, its usually money or something easy.

 

Post # 40
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

In my experience, within my family/circle, we give a registry gift at the shower and cash at the wedding.

I usually give more for the wedding regardless, but especially if I am there with Fiance because we are giving for the both of us.

Now, Fiance is from the same general area (Chicago/suburbs of Chicago), but his family, and their circle, gives a little different, and they give less generally. I noticed a big difference between the gifts at both showers and already know that a few people are giving us registry gifts for our wedding too.

I’m grateful for anything, and any effort someone puts out for us, but it just goes to show you can’t really “expect” anything gift wise. People give what they can plain and simple.

Post # 41
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

@DaniSue13:

 

I live in the south.

If you get a wedding gift at a shower/tea—-that IS your wedding gift.  

Never heard of giving a newlywed couple two gifts, just because they had a shower and a wedding. 

Gifts received at the wedding are usually those who were unable to make it to the tea or who were not invited to the tea (males). 

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