Post # 1
Hi bees, I’m hoping for some advice concerning my shower guest list.
I decided early on that I would prefer to have two separate showers for my two families (mom’s and dad’s, who are divorced) because one big shower would be a ton of people and I would like to be able to visit with everyone there.
My sister and aunts are throwing a shower for me at my aunt’s house in late-August, and my mom is planning something for her family at a restaurant in the city where I live. My FMIL hasn’t brought up the subject of showers at all, so I don’t think anyone on that side is planning anything. I would have preferred to have a shower with only that family, but obviously I can’t ask someone to throw one, which is fine.
My question is who to invite to which showers? I would like to invite my FI’s family to one of them, as well as my close friends who are coming to the wedding. I think FI’s family would get along best with my dad’s family, so I would like to invite them to that shower, and then invite my friends (and my FI’s mom and sister) to the shower for my mom’s family. Does that seem appropriate? Should I talk to my FMIL first to let her know that is my plan? I haven’t been in the family long enough to have gone to any weddings/showers for my FI’s family, so I don’t even know if having a shower is the norm for them… and since FMIL hasn’t mentioned it I have started to wonder.
Also, there are a few male cousins who have girlfriends who I have met and will be invited to the wedding, should they also be invited to the shower? I want them to come but don’t want to make them feel like they need to buy me a gift. The whole ‘party so people can give you gifts’ thing just makes me nervous that I need to tread carefully so not to look gift-grabby.
Post # 3
@Little_Nut88: First, if your MIL wants to throw you a shower she will, but don’t ask her. Just plan on having a shower from your mom and sister. Invite who you want to invite to each event, and your suggestion sounded good. If FI’s family would get along best with your dad’s side then invite them to that one.
As far as your counsins’ girlfriends…if you truly want them there because you like them then invite them. They will not see it as gift grabby. Asking for a shower from MIL and inviting everyone to all 2 or 3 showers would look gift grabby, and you aren’t doing that so you will be fine.
Post # 4
i invited the relatives from my FI’s side that i wanted there.
i doubt they would throw me a shower, but i knew they would want to be included.
the point of a shower is the “shower” the new bride with gifts for her new home. don’t worry about feeling gift grabby.
i would extend the invitation to all showers to your bridal party. stress that they don’t have to attend and don’t have to bring a gift. but you would like their support when you attend the other family showers.
Post # 5
You are right not to ask your future in-laws about throwing a shower for you. I think you should just invite them to the shower you think they will enjoy the most. No need for explanations.
As for the cousins’ girlfriends- I agree with PPs who said you should invite them if you really want to. They won’t think you’re being greedy! They will just be excited to be invited!
Post # 6
Sigh, we had this same issue. His parents are divorced and the very first person to offer to throw me a shower was FI’s stepmom. My grandma offered a few weeks back, so I told them to combine the two–my side and FFIL’s side. My FMIL finally mentioned something about a shower when her sister and mom came down and decided to do a mini shower. I thought she might want to throw me one for her side, but she doesn’t really think of these things, I guess, and just asked if I was having one. I said FSMIL was throwing one and she was like, “Guess not!” and gave us some of her gifts then.
Your plan sounds fine. I would just mention to your FMIL what date that shower is looking to be on and that she and FSIL should look out for invitations or something like that.