(Closed) Shower Invite Etiquette?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@StL.Ashley:  The shower should be comprised of your nearest and dearest. 

I personally wouldn’t invite people to attend from out of state, because I honestly wouldn’t want them to spend that amount of money to come to a gift giving party, and would never want anyone to think I was after a gift. 

But if you are super close with Aunt Bertha in Florida, then invite her, because she will know that her invitation comes from the level of closeness you two share and will have nothing to do with gifts.

Definitely skip SO’s of friends as you aren’t close to them, and they very easily could be seen as presents over presence guests.

Post # 4
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it’s fine to invite family that’s far away! It’s just an invite, ot a summons.

I also wouldn’t invite anyone you’re not actually friends with! Like your boss’ wife.

Post # 5
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@StL.Ashley:  I think it’s fine to invite close friends and family who are out of state. For most of these people, the invite will be “the thought that counts.” It just lets them know you are thinking of them and would love them to celebrate with you. For example, I was invited to FI’s cousin’s shower, even though they didn’t expect me to be able to go. But I was very touched that they invited me because they consider me part of the family. Also, I know if I have a shower, I’ll have close friends who live out of state that would be invited, even though I wouldn’t expect them to come. It just lets them know what’s going on and that I consider them an important part of my life.

Post # 6
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I only invited one of my husband’s friend’s wives, because she and I are also friends. Otherwise it was all my closest friends, his mom, sister, and other female family members. They came from out of town – but it was just Roanoke to NoVA, so they made it a day trip. I don’t think anyone came from out of state (but I don’t think we invited anyone out of state either)


Post # 7
2640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

I flew to Michigan from Colorado to attend my cousin’s shower, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it to the wedding. That’s kind of how it works in my family- if you can’t do the wedding, you try to attend some other type of wedding-related event. Quite frankly I’m not happy that I spent all of that time and money to go, but that is because of her attitude/behaviour rather than tnhe actual expense. People will be more likely to attend a long-distance shower if there are other friends or relatives they can visit with in the area while they are there. 

Long story short, if you want to invite them, just do it. I know some people in my family would be deeply offended if they weren’t invited, even if they never had plans of going.

Post # 8
2769 posts
Sugar bee

Okay, I live in Scotland.  The only showers I know about involve clouds and rain drops…oh, and the type of shower that is the alternative to having a bath.

What is this shower you talk about?

Is it a sort of engagment/pre-wedding celebration?

Is it an opportunity for people to shower you with presents?

Is it an opportunity for people who can’t come to the wedding to shower you with presents?


Post # 9
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@StL.Ashley:  I think unless you’re really close to the out of state people you probably shouldn’t invite them to the shower.  I’m planning a shower for a friend of mine and was a little surprised that only about a third of the women she’s put on the invite list lived within 2 states of the shower location.  I can’t imagine many of them will come.  One of the women who RSVPed to me didn’t even know how to pronounce my friends name, so it’s pretty clear she’d never met her.  IDK, I always thought a shower should be a very intimate gathering with the people who are closest to the bride and maybe the groom’s mom and sister just so that they feel included.


@Supersleuth:  In my region (northeast United States) a shower is a tradition in which the women who are closest to the bride get together before the wedding and “shower” her with gifts.  I think the original purpose was to help her get her household set up as she was typically just moving out of her parents house.  The popularity of showers seems to be declining a bit as women are waiting until they are older before getting married, have often lived with their future spouse for years and already feel they have everything they need.

I could take or leave the gifting part of the shower, but I’ve always enjoyed getting together with a small (10-15) group of women who are close and sharing stories, have tea or light snacks and expressing joy for the bride.

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