(Closed) Shower Invite Etiquette?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrswhitemtn:  I don’t know what the “proper” etiquette on this kind of thing is….but I always thought the bride would supply the host a list of names for invitations for the shower.


The host should decide how big of a party she wants to have.  I don’t see why your Mother-In-Law is being such a baby about this.  I would think that a shower for each side would be apropos.  



Post # 4
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

No I think you tried to handle this the best.  It’s really not the host’s job to go funding a huge shower.  Your Future Mother-In-Law can suck it up or put up and have someone throw another showr. 

Post # 5
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nope – Future Mother-In-Law isn’t hosting, and doesn’t get to make a stink. If she wants to host a separate shower for her family/friends then fine, but your mom is under absolutely no obligation to invite them. 

Post # 6
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Ditto PPs. Your Future Mother-In-Law is being ridiculous. She doesn’t get to demand her family be invited to a party she is not hosting. 

Post # 7
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrswhitemtn:  She’s not hosting, so she gets no say. Your mom is entitled to limit the party for space/financial/tranquility/sanity/whatever reasons. Explain to her that it’s a small, intimate party. If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to attend. If her daughter let’s her FORBID her from going, she’s immature and probably shouldn’t be your Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 8
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

The host of a party determines the parameters, including the size of the guest list.  Your Future Mother-In-Law is being a brat.  If she wants her relatives to be invited to a shower, she can host a second shower for her side of the family.  

Post # 9
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with PP. We had friends whose MOB and MOG each threw their own shower with their own guest list. It wasn’t a big deal and it was nice that each mom got to play the hostess. Maybe that’s one angle you can present to Future Mother-In-Law – that she gets to play hostess at the next shower.

Post # 10
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

The host determines who comes and showers are normally small. Huge showers with 30 guests, 40 guests, 80 guests, etc… that used to be rare but seems to be becoming more popular. Usually, if a bride knows a lot of people who would want to come to a shower, then multiple friends or family members step up to host multiple showers, each one catered to each group. Your Future Mother-In-Law needs to step up and throw you a shower if she want to set a guest list herself. You’re not in the wrong and neither is your mom.

Post # 11
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrswhitemtn:  around here it is typical to have a shower for each side. so one for your family and friends and one for his.

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