(Closed) Shower invites sent before wedding invites?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

This is normal. Most showers are held weeks or months before the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Good lord people need to relax.

 

Post # 5
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KatieBklyn:  she’s way off base. The shower is usually far enough in advanced of the wedding. Wedding invites don’t have to go out more than 2-3 months before the wedding at a minimum.

Post # 6
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, it is pretty standard to see the wedding invitation prior to the shower invitation, BUT… sometimes you have to schedule the shower earlier than that for some reason so you just have to move along and send the invitations.

If I get a shower invitation just prior to a wedding and have received no wedding invitation, I am NOT going to be a happy camper.  I do believe it is TERRIBLE etiquette to invite someone to a shower but not the wedding.

When our last Dirty Delete got married 4 years ago we had to have her shower 3 months before her wedding.  She lives on the other side of the country and she had to juggle her work schedule, budget for airline tickets, and work to figure out when she could come back for the shower.  She also had to be budgeting in airline tickets to come home for the wedding.  Our family and friends know us well enough to know that we would never invite someone to the shower and not the wedding so I got no calls like your Maid/Matron of Honor got.

While I understand where this friend was coming from, it wasn’t necessarily good etiquette for her to call your Maid/Matron of Honor honor and call her out on this.  That etiquette thingy is a two way street here.

Post # 7
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had a shower 6 months out and 3 months out – invites for both were sent out before wedidng invites were, but only people who were invited to the wedding (we knew this far in advance for STDs) were invited to showers.  Never thought that was a breach of etiquette – it’s fairly common in my circle at least.  I don’t think I’ve ever been invited to a shower in which I got the wedding invitation first. 

Post # 8
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Not how I did it at all BUT I did send out Save the Dates at 6 months before the wedding. My shower was 2-2 and my Maid/Matron of Honor sent out the bridal shower invites on 12-28 and wanted RSVP by 1-19. I was getting ready to send out the wedding invites the same day, but held off and waited another week so the guests weren’t getting 2 invites at the same time. I think it was fine in my case though since I did STD so guests knew they were invited to the wedding. Did you send those?

Post # 9
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I also have to say that things are sometimes different in different places.  With my first marriage, the church I grew up in threw me a wedding shower and to this day I have no idea how many people came to that thing.  I didn’t plan the shower, I just showed up when they told me to and said thank you.  A lot.  Then i wrote thank you note after thank you note.  The bride is not always very involved in the showers that are thrown for her.

Post # 11
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@KatieBklyn:  I have never received a shower invite after the wedding invite and most weddings I have been to are in NJ or Brooklyn, Queens, or LI so I think your friend needs to have a seat.

Post # 12
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s perfectly fine to receive a shower invite before a wedding invite! Sometimes it’s just the way it works out.

Post # 13
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Mine were. My invitations arrived to people the week leading up to the shower (lol this past week because my shower is tonight) but the shower invitations were sent several weeks ago. I think it’s pretty normal. My shower is about two months before my wedding just because that’s the weekend when the most of my family/friends were in town for it (once it gets to the middle of March, people have other weddings basically every weekend). But I wasn’t going to send my wedding invitations like four months in advance.

I also think it’s probably common sense that IF you are invited to a shower you’re invited to the wedding. But then also my shower just is family, the bridal party, and close friends, so it’s really super obvious they’re invited.

Post # 14
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee

All of the invitations were sent out around the same time actually. But that was just because of timing. My showers were the last saturday of Feb and the first friday of March (last night). And I was told that I should get the wedding invitations out about two months to one and a half months before the wedding, which is when all of the other invites were sent out. Did that make sense? Ugh. I’m sick right now and really struggling to work out words. Haha

Post # 15
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee

All of the invitations were sent out around the same time actually. But that was just because of timing. My showers were the last saturday of Feb and the first friday of March (last night). And I was told that I should get the wedding invitations out about two months to one and a half months before the wedding, which is when all of the other invites were sent out. Did that make sense? Ugh. I’m sick right now and really struggling to work out words. Haha

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