(Closed) Shower offer rejected :(

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Oh, I’m so sorry!  It sounds like you were being really thoughtful and had put a lot of thought into this.  In your friend’s defense, I have to say, I HATE showers.  Not because I don’t love my friends and family, but because being surrounded by people who are there solely for the purpose of giving me gifts makes me incredibly uncomfortable and awkward.  I never know how to act, the gift giving part of the day is horrible for me, and I have a lot of anxiety leading up to it.  You wouldn’t think this about me, if you knew me, because I LOVE to be the center of attention.  But I’m  horribly uncomfortable with people doing things for me or giving things to me.  I don’t know why.  So when I read this, I thought that maybe your friend (the bride) has a similar problem.  I kind of admire her for saying no to the shower, because I wasn’t able to do that, and I’m having 3 (1 down!).  She really REALLY should have spoken to you in person, though, and I’m sorry that you feel badly.  ((HUGS))

Post # 4
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My guess is that she didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you were so excited, but also didn’t want the traditional shower and didn’t know how to tell you. I suggest giving her a call and letting her know that you’ll throw whatever shower she wants, and ask her to tell you what her dream shower would be.

Post # 5
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If she wanted a low-key weekend laying by the pool, she should have told you that sooner.  Ideally, when you first suggested a shower, and if not then, at the very least she should have told you that before/instead of sending you a guest list.  The fact that she had the other Bridesmaid or Best Man tell you, that you don’t even really know, also strikes me as a bit rude.  I can definitely understand your disappointment!

Post # 6
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aw, that is a disappointment.  It seems you were doing a lot of work to make sure she had an amazing time.  I would try to let the hurt feelings go though.  I’m sure she didn’t mean to offend you.  She has the option to request a low key weekend instead of a shower.  Maybe she just tried to go along with tradition but couldn’t make it work for her. 

Post # 9
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Here’s my input.  You said the email from the other bridesmaid was ‘off-putting’ but imagine if a friend told you to give a total stranger some ‘bad’ news.  I imagine I’d write the email awkwardly as well.  I mean, she doesn’t know you and she has to tell you this?  How awkaward for BOTH of you.  Just a possibility!

Post # 10
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

She probably has a lot on her plate and is just avoiding people trying to negotiate or argue with her. Keep in mind that you will be doing her a huge service if you can roll with whatever she wants with a happy and supportive attitude. I don’t think what she did was the most sensitive but she probably just didn’t think it out.

Post # 11
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also keep in mind that when you don’t want one of the “traditional” wedding things— be it a first dance, a shower, a stag do, a garter toss, or whatever— people often don’t respect your wishes and try and talk you into the very thing you don’t want.  It’s almost always well-meaning; as an example, my fi really does not want a stag do, but every time he explains to a friend (male or female) that he doesn’t want that party, they ALWAYS try and talk him into it.

Perhaps her change of stance was last-minute because she was trying to decide herself what she really wanted, and her request to have the friend deliver the news was based in part by your insisting on throwing  a shower even after she said that your visit would be enough?  I’m in no way trying to make you the bad guy here!  But she might not have felt comfortable in telling you No after she’d already tried to once and failed, and didn’t want to get into a situation where you’d end up bickering.

Post # 12
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP was posted 2 years ago, I think they’ve got it sorted out by now. 😉

Post # 13
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


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