(Closed) Shower Question- About asking for money

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is asking for gift cards a no no?

    Sure ask for gift cards, it makes it easier for everyone!

    Just register like normal people, rent a uhaul and storage, and be thankful you have some gifts

    Register and return like a mad woman

    other explained below!

  • Post # 17
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Showers are for gifts, not money. If you don’t want gifts, don’t have a shower. Simple, right? 🙂

    Post # 19
    1237 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Hmm…Some of you ladies are saying that you have never seen anyone give a gift card at a shower, which is really surprising to me.  I went to a shower a month ago, and although the bride and groom registered at two different stores, the majority of what they received were gift cards to the stores they registered at.

    @maemejo:  I say, go out and register for the items you know you want/need.  Return them if you must, but renting a Uhaul isn’t such a hassle.  Think of it this way:  You’ll be making one trip to your new home with a Uhaul as opposed to two trips to the store (one to return the gift, one to buy it)!  🙂

    Post # 20
    2492 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Everyone needs something in their household for everyday use, whatever that may be. Go out and register for those things. However, the bride has no say in whether she gets a shower if someone else is hosting it. She should graciously accept the offer, politely thank the guests appropriately, and keep her opinions to herself. If she really doesn’t want anything to do with a shower and cannot be polite about it, then that is something else entirely and that is the rare exception when a shower should be declined. Guests are never required to give anything and it’s rude to register for something that you know you will be returning because you don’t want it. That is the guests’ gas or lunch money (or any other expense they may need to sacrifice) for the week spent on a couple who has no consideration for others.

    Post # 21
    23 posts

    i live in another state from where my shower was.  i wasn’t about to pay the extra baggage fees for that!  My mom, Future Mother-In-Law, Future Sister-In-Law, and I loaded up the car and returned everything the night of the shower.  I will re-buy most of it eventually with the giant gift card I now have.

    Post # 22
    3856 posts
    Honey bee

    I think it’s okay if you ask your Maid/Matron of Honor, Mom and any other hostesses of the shower to spread the word that you’re hoping to furnish your home with some bigger items from IKEA and would appreciate gift cards, but I think you could also do at least a small registry, in case some people would prefer to buy something tangible.

    We live in a tiny little studio (less than 500 sq ft) and had our shower five states away, so I understand your pain! Our gifts are all in a big pile in my mom’s basement, covered by an old sheet, until my parents come visit us a few months after the wedding. I think I brought home two things, although there have been several that I’ve wished I had since then! I couldn’t justify buying another suitcase just so I could check it in full of pans and spoons, haha…

    We had a lot we wanted to register for though, because I moved into his kitchen house and we have bare basics, but there’s a lot we can suppliment. 🙂

    Post # 23
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @maemejo:  Sorry if you feel like you got thrown to the wolves on this.  Money is obviously a touchy subject.   You have a valid, logical thought process as to why gifts cards are appropriate.  I agree that keeping it to one place will make it very easy to remember when your guests ask.  When you write your thank you cards, let your guest know how their gift will be used (dishware, glasses, furniture, etc.).  Include a picture if you can, and it will make the gift seem tangible.

    Good luck with your shower planning.


    Post # 24
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think a shower can be whatever you want it to be (or the hostesses want it to be). You can certainly register for just gift cards if that’s your desire, and if people check the registry and see that’s what you’ve registered for, why wouldn’t they buy them for you? You’ll still be opening something, but there’s no need to mentioned any dollar amounts that might make someone uncomfortable.

    If people can register for a Honeymoon, or use something called a Honeyfund, why can’t you register for gift cards to the stores you’ll be using? My daughters registered at Macy’s, Target, and BB&B and there are spots on those registries for gift cards. They are probably more popular than you think.

    Post # 25
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Have you thought about having a Jack and Jill instead of a shower. My understanding of those is that they are more for raising money for the couple than giving gifts.

    Post # 26
    7086 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would say to go ahead and registar for some things that will go with everything (like white towels).  I would say that there will be quite a few gift cards anyway, as that seems to be a continuing trend.  You could ask your maids to say when asked where you are registered “she is registered at target, but if you want to get her something she will love, I would suggest a gift card.  That girl loves nothing more than shopping.”  My whole family buys me gift cards rather than gifts at holidays, the gift of shopping is the best gift in the world to me.  I can spend hours in stores, I find it relaxing.

    Post # 27
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Maybe you should discuss with the host that you don’t need any gifts.  Either cut the guest list or call it a something else like a women’s luncheon.  That way people won’t feel pressured to bring a gift. No matter how many times you say you don’t want anything or want cash or gift cards people will still bring items!   You could mention that you’d like bottles of wine or “marrige advice” as a little something.  over 100 people seems like a lot for a shower that you don’t want anything for.  I’d re-evauluate! 

    Can you have someone else store gifts you cant keep until you get your house?  Host, Maid/Matron of Honor, parent, aunt etc?  I’m sure someone would step up!  Maybe have the host ask people instead of gifts they should make 1 page of a scrapbook with photos of themselves and you.  What about each bringing a recipee or a dish – potluck shower lunchon?

    Post # 28
    952 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I don’t see how 120 people can really have quality time together.  If you really want to have everyone get together, I would have a “bridal luncheon,” and spread the word that because of storage/transportation issues, no gifts.  I bet that of the 100+ people coming, many will bring a giftcard or money, and it’s done in a polite way.

    Post # 29
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Yeah, I agree with some of the other bees… Showers are for gifts. Register at the places you would want to furnish your house with. I actually did receive some gift cards at the shower, but to the stores I was registered at. I would just put the cash you receive at your reception toward the IKEA stuff.

    Post # 30
    719 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think monetary showers are becoming more and more popular these days… I wouldn’t worry about it this much.  I went to a shower recently where it said this on the invite:


    Monetary shower

    so and so will be joining so and so in California after the wedding


    So it made sense that she wouldn’t be able to lug around 150+ gifts, and it was a large shower also.

    I think people will understand given your circumstances, and you’re asking for gift cards, not money, so I don’t see the big deal myself.

    Post # 31
    608 posts
    Busy bee

    Showers are definitely for gifts.  i have a big family too… so I get the big party.  Just a couple thoughts… do you think that you could have a couple friends store gifts for you until after the wedding/the new house?  (A friend of mine had her mom store hers under a couple beds.  I don’t think that there would be anything wrong with having your friends and family know that your little place is full of wedding items, and you need some help storing stuff.  The other thing that you could do is check out registering for some larger items that your family could go in together to purchase… like maybe a washer, dryer… kitchen aid mixer…  Your hosts could ask the guests to give a card and creative “paper presentation of the gift”  which will be delivered post-wedding by the store you register from… you could let them know that delivery needs to be delayed until later!  The hostesses could explain to the guests when they make an rsvp call. 

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