(Closed) shower thank you etiquette

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
13555 posts
Honey Beekeeper

With a large group gift I believe it is appropriate to write one letter to be posted in a common area or passed around by the shower organizer. 

Post # 3
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I personally would rather show my appreciation individually. It may have only been one gift but they ALL contributed and honestly 13 extra thank you cards isn’t going to break the bank or take more than half an hour to put together. I think they would all really appreciate acknowledging them all individually more than they would a community “thank you” tacked onto a bulletin board. 

Post # 4
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

I would write individual ones. A group one seems very impersonal to me.

ETA: think of it this way: if you had a high priced item on your wedding registry and 5 couples who see each other regularly chipped in for it, would you ever think of writing one thank you, would you write one thank you card and ask them to pass it on? Hopefully not, so I don’t see this as any different.

Post # 5
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

They made individual contributions so thank them individually.

Post # 6
524 posts
Busy bee

(Unfortunately) etiquette says tat you have to write individual thank-you notes even if 50 people have given you a group check for 50$. But then… you are at work – you can do a group email.

Post # 7
4767 posts
Honey bee

In this case, I would do individual (and if you ever do a group card, it should never be THEIR responsibility to pass the card around to each other to make sure they get properly thanked…That is YOUR responsibility.)  

If it was like an office of 100 who passed around an optional envelope anonymously to give you one gift on behalf of the whole office outside the context of a gift-giving party, you could do the card in the break room thing.  But in this case it was 14 very specific people out of a much larger group invited expressly to a party where the purpose was to give you gifts.  You know the names of these 14 people who specifically contributed so you should give each of them a card.  Get someone to help you with the writing if you must.

Post # 8
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I would do one for everyone and adress it to the office. word it with “thank your for everyone who participated….” and then everyone can read it. I think sending individual to everyone is a bit over the top and passing along seems a bit odd.

Post # 9
163 posts
Blushing bee

I understand etiquette might not dictate this, but especially since it’s a coworker situation and not all these people may be ones you have close relationships to, I think a group thank you is fine. (Anecdotally, one time my graduate school class raised money for my classmates fiance who had some medical bills piling up that we knew were causing significant stress. We did this secretly and then surprised her with it once everyone who wanted to contribute had. She wrote one note to all of us and left it in the front of our lab room where we all had access to it. I was still very touched by her gratitude and sweet words, even though it was not addressed to just me specifically). Hope this helps 😊

Post # 10
13555 posts
Honey Beekeeper

From Miss Manners. I was surprised, since my default instinct would have been to write individual notes, but that is apparently not the obligation. 

“What your co-worker should have done was to follow her benefactors’ lead in issuing her thanks. A personal present from an individual requires a hand-written individual thank-you. A gift presented at a party on behalf of a roomful of people can be acknowledged with a verbal thank-you to everyone at the party either individually or, acoustics and topography permitting, all at once. A group gift delivered at home (or tossed in an inbox at work) can be acknowledged with a card posted in the lunchroom or an email.”

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