Post # 1
I just received an email from my Maid/Matron of Honor divulging in some problems with my shower. She of course didnt want to tell me but doesnt know how to handle the situation.
My shower is in 3 days. My mother and my Maid/Matron of Honor did the planning, have their names as hosts on the invite etc. and now, 3 days before the shower, my mother asks my Maid/Matron of Honor if the other bridesmaids are pitching in…
My other BM’s are young professionals and have already mentioned money woes to my Maid/Matron of Honor about the bachelorette party etc. so my Maid/Matron of Honor knows that they wouldnt be able to pitch in much, or happily, to the shower when they had no input what so ever on the event.
I’m a bit annoyed with my mother because, as of right now, she has not contibuted to the wedding costs what so ever, other than my dress which was not a phenominal cost. Everything is being paid for by my future parents in law and myself and my fiance. Shes the type of person who just orders/buys things without thinking it through and now, I know its gotten down to details like plates and linnens and shes worried about money because she hired an expensive caterer for the shower.
IMO, the money thing should have been talked about with everyone (all BM’s and my mother) and a game plan should have been made from there. I dont think my other BM’s should have to pitch in 3 days before the shower. They are, however, helping to set up.
Any ideas on how my Maid/Matron of Honor can handle this situation with my mother? My Maid/Matron of Honor is obviously pitching in as much money as she can towards the shower.
Post # 3
if your mom over spent, and she was the who ordered it, that’s her problem not the rest of the bridal party….
I would personally go to your mom and tell her she cannot ask people to pitch in after all the planning has already been done
Post # 4
Asking the other bridesmaids to pay for an event they did not offer to host and had no input in planning is not an option. Your mom needs to eat these costs if she can’t scale back the plans at this point.
Post # 5
@smcs28: in a CRAZY turn of events i called my mother. I told her, nicely, that I dont believe they should pay for a, b, c. she hung up on me. i then decided i would just ask the BM’s anyways, just incase and because it cant hurt. I texted my mom and told her i was planning on asking the BM’s to pitch in whatever they could. I received a very nasty text back telling me that she now is going to handle ALL of the costs. She also sent my Maid/Matron of Honor a NASTY text informing her that she no longer had to pay for anything and that she was mad that she went to me. My mother also told me she wouldnt come to the wedding if i asked the BM’s to pitch in.
I now how a crying Maid/Matron of Honor and a mother who is being OVERRRLY dramatic.
Any advice on this now?! haha
Post # 6
EEK! You inadvertently put your Maid/Matron of Honor in a pickle by going to your Mom. I feel sorry for Maid/Matron of Honor because she was just trying to help. Your Mom sounds like a bit of a Drama Queen. She seems to be looking for a fight and no matter what you say, it will turn into one…so just do what you can to comfort Maid/Matron of Honor and let Mom calm down and realize what a pill she’s being.
Post # 7
@MsMindle: Yeah, I guess I did. I was only trying to help both sides. I mean, im not even stressed about my own wedding, I dont mind helping A LITTLE with a simple email to other bridesmaids. ya know?! I just dont think this deserved, or needed, the nastiness and hurtful words from my mother with both my Maid/Matron of Honor and I were trying to help by offering other options like cutting back on the caterer etc.
I havent heard from her yet. But she did email my Maid/Matron of Honor back, Dr. Jeckle Mr Hyde style, and acting like nothing ever happened. Telling her she was sweet to have offered other options and that they would be reverting back to the original game plan they always had.
Who knows. ::shrug::
Post # 8
I feel so bad for your Maid/Matron of Honor…..and for you.
Post # 9
Oh my gosh :-/ tell your mom you’re canceling the shower and completely remove her from this process. Ask your Maid/Matron of Honor if she wants to postpone or reschedule the shower and re-plan something cheaper and simpler. My mom does that too (makes big plans, assumes someone else is paying…she insisted that I use the caterer that was $70pp for the wedding rather than the $30pp one I wanted, then freaked out when I asked her to pay the difference) so I just don’t involve her in things anymore. We plan around her and don’t let her in on the details, but still invite her as a participant.
I’ve never been to a “big shower” so as far as I know, showers are really fun when there’s mingling, mimosas, pastries, and coffee, a quiz about the bride, and gifts. I can’t imagine hiring caterer for something like this.