(Closed) Shower…am I over reacting?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

You know, there is probably a good reason why she doesn’t want to bring the baby, so you should just give them both the benefit of the doubt that they are doing what’s best on this one.  Maybe your friend simply wants an afternoon without the baby, to enjoy your shower, etc. Maybe there is something else personal that she doesn’t want to bring up.  I wouldn’t infer that the mom won’t go to your wedding because she won’t be at the shower. IMO, there is a big difference between the two – a shower is a fun little celebration, but nothing like your actual wedding!

I feel like with weddings in general, there are lots of little slights.  I think the best approach is to acknowledge when you are dissapointed, vent if needed (as you did!) and then move on! If you let this stuff weight you down, it will be too overwhelming.

Post # 4
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Awww-don’t worry about it.   Your friend’s mom  probably thinks that it would be good for your friend to be there without worrying about the baby and so she can focus all of your attention on you.

Also, some people just don’t like showers. I dislike them so much that I don’t even want to have one but my mom and sisters say that isn’t happening so well cross that bridge when we come to it. My grandma never goes to showers and it is never anything personal so I would just concentrate on all of the bigger things you ahve to deal with. =)

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I completely agree.  Don’t stress about it.  Maybe her sister is a flake and wouldn’t be a good babysitter.  Maybe the mom doesn’t get much of an opportunity to spend alone with the baby.  Or seeing that he is so new, maybe she just wants all the time she can get.  And having children, I can completely understand your Bridesmaid or Best Man wanting a little time without looking after her little one.  Maybe the baby is sick or difficult and she doesn’t want people to know.  Maybe she’s OCD and doesn’t want people around him to get him sick.  There could be a million reasons.

I am a little like you, I get sensitive and hurt feelings easily.  I can over analyze things.  Enjoy your shower.

Post # 6
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I would’ve probably done the same as your Bridesmaid or Best Man…leave the baby at home with someone you trust and have a good time at the shower.  If I brought the baby, I would be totally preoccupied with taking care of it.  And I would feel terrible if the baby started crying – I would feel that it would be too disruptive to your event.  The mother probably feels that as long as her daughter is there to represent the family, it should be fine.  It doesn’t sound like she intended to hurt your feelings in any way.

Post # 8
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I do think you are overreacting.  I had a friend that only left her child under another person’s care ONCE in the child’s first 9 months- and that person was her mother.

I thought it was weird that she couldn’t leave her kid with anyone, but as time went one I met more and more people that were intent on raising codependent children.  Maybe your friend is one of them?

Another possibility- my cousin and his wife had a baby.  I hadn’t met the baby by the time my shower rolled around and I was hoping that the wife would bring the baby.  Well, she didn’t.  She was so excited at the prospect of being baby-free for an afternoon that there was no way she was bringing that kid!  Maybe your friend is  looking forward to being child-free and catching up with you at the shower?

In any case, you can’t make people attend your shower.  And given the history you mention with your friend and her mom, I doubt the mom suddenly started to dislike you!

Just relax and enjoy the shower!

Post # 9
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It might not be that her mother doesnt want to come to the shower. Maybe she isn’t able to get you a gift, or maybe she wants to make sure that your friend isn’t distracted. I’m sure she’d love to be there for you, but for whatever reason cannot.

Maybe she was alreayd babysitting for another grandchild, and she can’t get out of it?

Post # 10
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with everyone here, there could be a million different reasons why the mother isn’t coming or why your friend wants to leave her baby with her instead of someone else. Maybe the mom thinks it’s more important for her daughter to go and not be worried about the baby while she hangs out and has fun. Just let it go and enjoy your shower. I bet you get a nice note from the mother afterwards and then this will seem so silly.

Post # 11
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Great advice by all!  Try not to read too much into it.  I’m sure your friend will explain why at the shower and I’m sure it is nothing personal against you.  Relax, or you’ll get caught up in reading into everyone’s responses, which will not bode well. 

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