(Closed) Shower/bachelorette advice? (Long)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s her (the bride) wedding, her shower & her BM/MOH (the ex) is probably planning it.  Neither woman is, at present, insulting you at your wedding or wedding events, so I’d let it go.

If anything, if you actually think it’s an oversight or mistake, I’d mention to your Fiance that you haven’t received an invite & have him help you handle it.  But it sounds like you’re nearly positive it isn’t an oversight, in which case, involving your Fiance isn’t the best idea.  Just let it go & when the date gets really close (as in so close that you’re NOT angling for an invite), if the bride mentions it, tell her you hope everyone has a good time.  Then your best wishes for her are clear.

Post # 4
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think you definitely need to have a conversation about it. If Fiance is related to the groom then you will have to be around these people for a long time.  I think you can approach it in a way that says “I’m not mad at you” (even if you are a little) but I was just wondering why….Or ask Fiance to talk to her/the groom to get the scoop. That being said, if this is a combo shower/party thing, she may only be inviting her closest friends. Perhaps she thinks it would not be appropriate for you to be a part of the “girl party” but doesn’t know how to just include you for the shower part of it (if that makes sense).  Chances are, she is equally uncomfortable but feels like she needs to be accomodating to her bff. I would just remember that she is the bride, and she’s probably feeling lots of stress and pressure to do lots of different things.  I would suggest your approach be cool, calm, and non-accusing.  Tell her you understand, but just want to clear the air so its not awkward.

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think if it’s to the degree that family members are not going because of this, it’s not an oversight.  It is really because of the ex.  And the ex being the Maid/Matron of Honor probably did plan the party.  If the ex is the bride’s best friend, I hate to say, likely, she would pick her over you, if she had to.

However, this id only her one wedding.  You shouldn’t haveto worry about this being an issue with the whole family for a lifetime.  It’s probably an awkward situation for the bride.  It would be nice if she at least addressed it with you.  However, is it possible she doesn’t even know?  If I were you, I’d actually be relieved you didn’t have to deal with it, (either turning down the invitation and feeling guilty, or delaing with the ex’s garbage.)  Although I can see why you’re hurt.

I agree with your original thinking of letting this go.  I would only bring up the feeling of “as long as the ex is still part of the family, I apparently won’t ever be” if it happens after the wedding.  After the wedding, the bride, nor ex have the right to just exclude you from family events.  And it sounds like you are backed by the rest of the family anyway. 

Stay strong. Good luck.

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