- 8 months ago
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
Hey, bees! I’m in a bit of a pickle with one of my closest girlfriend’s upcoming wedding. I adore her and would do anything for her… But am getting nervous about finances.
Back story: originally she and her fiance were planning a ceremony in April 2019 in Texas on his family property, however the location is no longer an option and there were also some concerns about weather as they were hoping for an outdoor ceremony. They’ve since moved it to New Years Eve this year, and are still planning to get married in the groom’s native Texas as some of his friends/family are not allowed to enter Canada (where the bride and groom/all of us friends and family live). Originally flights were extremely reasonable, but obviously travelling around NYE is considerably more expensive. It’s still very doable for my boyfriend and I to attend, we would just be looking at a hostel/cheaper Airbnb versus the fancy hotel venue.
Time off work is getting to be tight, though – and the costs are starting to add up. My best friend and I are co-maids of honour and two of the bride’s classmates are her bridesmaids, but due to most of her friends being extremely busy in school (they’re 4th year med school students) no one else is really stepping up to help plan her bachelorette or shower. We’ve managed to find a viable solution in my best friend’s family lake house for the bachelorette as no one was able to commit to much else on student budgets, but none of her friends/family have stepped up for her shower. Their midterms are this month, and end of year exams are end of November/beginning of December and everyone gets busy with Christmas, etc around the holiday season.
I’m already paying for most of the bachelorette decorations and activities as well as taking care of the planning, etc – but am really just wondering who is traditionally supposed to plan/pay for her shower? I’ve reached out to the mother of the bride (as the mother of the groom is in Texas) and she has offered to host at her house as most of us only have tiny apartments and we’re trying to not blow any budgets on restaurants, etc, but said we can work out all the financials between us (guessing she means the bridal party as she said traditionally showers are not planned by the parents?) and the bride. I don’t think this should go onto the bride’s shoulders (her fiancé is an oil baby, money means literally nothing to him but she grew up solidly middle class same as me and he’s staying out of all wedding planning for the most part) and as the only friend/bridal party member that’s working full time instead of being in school I kind of expected to contribute a bit more financially (and happily so as I have not always had much disposable income and the bride is a cherished friend who is extremely appreciativeand grateful) but I don’t want to get into a bind with being on the hook for costs that may increase past what I can comfortably afford to contribute.
This turned into a rant, sorry… I guess I’m just looking for some advice to tactfully ensure that not everything falls onto my/the bridal party’s shoulders, without ruffling any feathers with the families of the bride and groom? I’m probably overthinking lots… But haven’t had this much responsibility before to where it seems like no one else is taking initiative for a bride’s special time, especially one who truly deserves it.
*should mention I can be a bit brash/have a reinforced steel backbone with most things, but am looking to not just steamroll and but instead be tactful and not have generosity be taken advantage of. Thanks, bees!