Post # 1
who throws the baby shower and when? i have a few pregnant friends and i wasn’t sure if i should offer to throw a shower or if there is someone kind of “designated” to throw the shower. for example, one has a local SIL. anyone have any thoughts? don’t want to step on any toes.
and if its a 2nd baby – does that person not get a shower? what if 2nd baby is the opposite sex of 1st?
Post # 3
Traditionally, a woman’s immediate family is not really supposed to throw the shower (baby or wedding) because it looks like the the family is asking for gifts, which is considered rude by some. It is totally okay for a friend to throw the shower, and if you are interested in doing so, you should ask the mom to be if anyone is throwing her one yet and if she would like you to do so.
Some people think it is rude to have a shower for a second baby. I think every child should be celebrated and you can have a low key shower for a second baby. When my cousin had her second (the babies are the same sex). We had a small get together dinner/shower because she had been on bed rest and was truly miserable during most of the pregnancy and I felt she really just needed to have something fun to look forward to. And it worked…totally cheered her up and she got to spend time with some good friends and it took her mind of things for a bit.
Post # 4
I volunteered to throw a shower for my SIL’s second baby. The main reasons I volunteered were 1) I was not part of the family when she had her first, so I really wanted to do something special for her since she’s been so wonderful to me since I joined the family and 2) she made the mistake of letting a not-so-responsible cousin borrow all of her baby stuff and the cousin “lost” it all. She had nothing left from her first pregnancy.
I think it is really a case-by-case basis for throwing a shower. If it is their second baby, how many years separate the kids and were there any circumstances that really warrant having a second shower? If they don’t really need anything except for basic necessities, do a low-key get together where everyone only brings diapers or bottles or some cute clothes. This way you are still helping out and celebrating the second baby.
If you are really interested in throwing one for your friend, do exactly what Marzipan suggested and ask her. If someone is already throwing a shower, offer to help out. I would have loved to have someone else help me with my SIL’s shower, but no one offered.
Post # 5
I have an out-of-town girlfriend throwing mine. She and I have known each other for longer than anyone locally – so I like that she offered. Plus since she’s out of town I offered to let her have it at our house – which is nice for me because I don’t have to go anywhere. 🙂
Post # 6
With Moose, my husband and best friend (male) threw mine. No one else was going to step up and they really wanted me to have one. They planned everything including games, so I think, if you want to throw one, go ahead, but maybe ask some of her close family if anyone else is doing it. Obviously, I don’t really follow any rules.
Post # 7
Ask her family if they are planning something. If not or if they seem hesitant, then offer.
My former Mother-In-Law threw one but was very strict on my guest list (she invited twice as many people as I did to my baby shower). So my friends then threw me one too. That one was more fun.
For my sister’s second baby which was the opposite sex of her first, we had a small get together at my house for her closest friends and some family. Everyone gave a small boy centered item (clothes, toys, diapers). But I know that is not something that is normally done.
Post # 8
if you want to throw one, offer it! just ask if anyone else has mentioned throwing her a shower yet, and that you would like to do it as long as no one is already planning something. you can throw it whenever, just be careful of throwing it too early. i went to a shower yesterday for a girl due in early april.
in my area, 2nd babies don’t get showers unless it’s been a long time (like 10 years) between them. that’s very much a person to person thing though – some are offended, but some people think it’s fair to have a shower for every kid. it just depends what the norm is in your circle.
Post # 9
I think an understated second shower is perfectly acceptable, no matter the sex. I think that each child should be celebrated. If it is a second child, perhaps you can ask the mom-to-be what the necessities are, and spread the word. She might need diapers, bibs, onesies, bottles, etc, so you could create a theme around that (mention the necessities on the invite or spread the word). I do think that a second-baby shower with a huuuuge invitation list (like co-workers that she isn’t great friends with, is going overboard. I would make the invite list a little smaller, to include family and only super close friends.
Also, I think that anyone can give it, depending on the situation. Perhaps ask her mother or (if she has one) her sister or best friend. You could also throw the shower along with some other girls. Showers can be expensive with setup, decorations and food. So if you go in with a few other girls, it won’t be too expensive for anyone.