(Closed) Showers and Invites?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@abarber3:  I think it depends on the people. Work people? Your moms friends? Who is it?

Post # 4
Member
46328 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This happens at our worksite all the time. Also with my bookclub. There is no expectation that they will be invited to the wedding.

Post # 6
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@abarber3:  Maybe you could ask your parents then but I wouldn’t invite them personally.

Post # 8
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

When a particular group (i.e., work friends, your book club, your Zumba class, a Bible study group, etc.) decides — on its own (i.e. with no prompting from you, your family, your bridesmaids, etc.) — to do this for you, I do not think that you need to invite them to the wedding, nor do I think you need to decline their kind gesture.

An etiquette breach would occur if a bride, or one of her or her FI’s family members, or a member of her bridal party, or one of the couple’s friends would decide to invite people to a shower who will not also be invited to the wedding.  That type of expansion of the shower guest list to include more people than the hosts of the wedding are able to accommodate or are interested in inviting is in very poor taste.  

However, this is NOT the case in your situation — a situation in which a particular group of people has decided all on its own to do something sweet for you.  These ladies could have no reasonable expectation that all of them will receive invitations to the wedding (though, it’s possible, some of them could even be on your mother’s portion of the guest list.)

I should note that this exact scenario happened to me.  My husband is senior pastor of a church, and the choir director at his church (which is in a different state than were I was living while I was still engaged to my now DH) and the other women in the choir all wanted to host a bridal shower for me as a way to be a blessing to their pastor.  It was such a beautiful, special and thoughtful gesture, and I had a wonderful time being honored by these lovely women, most of whom I did not even know.  Only a handful of ladies who attended were even on my then-FI’s list of guests, but each of these ladies wanted to play a part in welcoming me into my DH’s life and their church family.

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