Post # 1
Ok, so I need some help from the hive on this whole wedding shower/wedding present thing.
A little background: DH and I got married privately and had a “no gifts” anniversary party so I didn’t have a shower. The only other wedding I’ve been to is a best friend. She had a shower that I wasn’t invited to (because I was in Afghanistan) and got married in Vegas. I flew to the wedding and gave her a smaller present because the trip cost a fortune (a week off work, expenses, and the 4th longest flight in the world). No big deal.
Well now one of my other BFFS in this group is getting married. Pretty classically. Her shower is coming up on the 10th and the wedding is in late October.
So what’s the deal with presents? Should I buy something off the registry for the shower and give cash for the wedding? Registry for both? Are they supposed to be equal in value? Is one supposed to be more? How much more? DH and I are (unexpectedly) in a tight spot financially at the moment, can I get away with 30% (roughtly $100) now and $200-300ish at the wedding? Is that too much? Not enough?
Sorry this is long. I just don’t actually know about the classic weddings!
Post # 3
@Mrs.LemonDrop: Your most common response is going to be “give what you can afford.” I typically give less at the shower (maybe $50ish gift) and more at the wedding ($100ish). Is the shower themeed or just generic with the registries listed? I would follow whatever is on the invitation. Cash or gift cards are always a good option, too.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Madison Surf Club
I don’t think there’s any set amount for what you should give at a wedding. Typically, I buy off the registry for the shower (spending $50-100 depending on how close I am to the bride) and give cash for the wedding. The amount I give depends on how close we are, if both FI and I are attending, and what we can afford to give financially. There’s also a whole thing about “pay for your plate” but I don’t think that’s always necessary. I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone’s monetary (or non-monetary gift). Gifts are gifts, not obligations.
Post # 5
Where I live, you are only expected to give one gift. If you take a present to the shower, then you don’t show up to the wedding with one. (You wouldn’t go to the shower without a gift though) If you didn’t go to the shower, then it is expected to give a present at the wedding.
Post # 6
Here in the midwest, it’s pretty common to give a physical gift or gift card for the shower off of the registry. (I tend to give a gift in the $40-60 range depending on the person and how close I am.) For the wedding, you bring a card with a check or cash in it. (I give $100+ for myself. $150+ if I have a date or my FI is with me.)
That amount of money is for me though based on my finances and the expectations of my family and friends. If you are in an area where $25 is common, then go with that. Ask your friends and family what’s normal.
Post # 7
I generally purchase something off of the registry for both the shower and the wedding. I tend to give lower priced items for showers and higher priced items for wedding gifts.
I think that the amounts you are considering are extremely, extremely generous. You easily could reserve the $100 gift for the wedding gift and give something that costs a third to half that much for the shower gift.
Post # 8
I usually spend $50-100 for a shower gift off the registry, and then my wedding gift is a check that is commiserate with how well I know the couple, among other factors (not starting the debate, but I’m from the cover-your-plate circle, plus I end up traveling to most weddings to there’s an extra expense for me there).
Post # 9
I would never judge the price ticket on what people gave me. For my wedding when I recieved $100 from someone I was pretty excited! Really the only appalling gift I recieved was two guests (who aren’t married or dating they’re just friends) gave me a combined card, and the card was the only gift, I’m not talking a card with cash/check, it was just a card with their names in it.
If you can’t afford a bunch and want to save money there’s plenty of ways to cut costs. Buy gifts that are thoughtful and don’t need to be expensive. Like buying a 31 bag for a friend with their new married last name embroidered. Or something like that.
A gift I recieved, which I loved… was someone pretty much gave us a stocked up medicine supply. Really who wants to go buy advil, nyquil, pepto bismol, bandaids, benedryl, etc. Yet you’ll likely need them, I’m aproaching my one year of marriage and we’ve used almost every medicine at least once. You can also stick a cute little thing in there with it saying For: In sickness and in health 😉
So it goes to show you if you do something clever, your gift can be under $100 (especially for showers) and the person likely won’t notice or think much of it.
Post # 10
@Mrs.LemonDrop: gift from the registery for the bridal shower, check for the wedding- try to figure how much your dinner was, if your brining a SO make sure you pay to atleast cover your meal. If the wedding is at a place and its $85 per person, $100 as a gift between the two of you is..well cheap… i know your not supposed to gift something HUGE but people should atleast pay for theire meals. You figured the bride/groom paid how much already for that wedding, it would be nice to get some of that back…
Post # 11
I usually gift a $50ish dollar gift at the shower, and then cash at the wedding (amount varies depending on how well I know the people).
Post # 12
Definitely a gift off the registry for the shower. Around here that is usually about $50 worth. For the wedding people either do a registry gift or a check. Honestly this depends on your finances. When I didn’t have a job I’d be lucky to give them $30-$40 gift.
$200 is very generous IMO. Not over the top, but a very nice gift.
Of course this depends on your area, some areas of the country typically spend more on wedding gifts. Also depends on your relationship. If it’s just a casual friend I would give less than someone who is family or a very close friend.
Post # 13
I would buy a gift off the registry for the shower and $100 in cash for the wedding.
Post # 14
If you don’t have to travel, you can also semi-homemake a gift. I had a friend who registered for a cake stand, which wasn’t really that expensive. I bought the stand, then also bought some cake mixes, sprinkles, etc. to make differerent kinds of cakes, and put those in the stand, put a bow on it, and called it a gift. I wish I had a picture, it turned out so pretty! Another time I bought kitchen utensils from the registry and then bought a utensil crock that wasn’t on their registry, but was in their color scheme, and put all the utensils in the crock and that was the gift. You can have a really fun and creative gift without spending a ton, and they’re a lot of fun!
Post # 15
@Mrs.LemonDrop: My “go to” is around 50 for the shower as a gift and then around 300 in cash/check at the wedding
Post # 16
@LittleRedOwl: Best wedding gift idea I’ve ever heard of! I know what I’ll be buying for the next wedding I attend 🙂