Post # 1
My FH and I are planning a very small courthouse wedding, with only our parents in attendance, on a Thursday in March. We plan to have a small lunch reception 2 days later with ONLY close family (around 25 guests).
My question is: is it rude for my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor to throw me a shower and invite all of my friends that AREN’T invited to the reception??
Post # 3
I think that showers are usually only for people that are invited to the wedding and/or reception. I think it would be rude to ask them to buy you presents without inviting them to the party.
Post # 4
The rule I’ve always heard is that if they aren’t invited to the wedding (in your case the reception) then they aren’t invited to the shower. So I guess my answer is yes, it would be rude. I have a question, though. Are *you* the one who wants a shower or does your mom/MOH want to throw you one? Either way, though, it doesn’t sit well with me. Have you registered anywhere? Maybe you can have family/friends somehow spread the word of where you’re registered and if people want to get you something they can.
Post # 5
One of my cousins actually had a courthouse wedding. Him and his wife has been dating for 10 years and wanted to buy a house rather then have a huge wedding. So, my aunt threw my cousin’s new wife a shower after the court house wedding. I think the shower was maybe a week or two later later and everyone their seemed to be okay with it. All of my of their friends and family came, we had an amazing time! But everyone knew before hand they were already married and chose to go the court house route…
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s appropriate to invite people to a wedding shower and not the wedding (reception). It would rub me the wrong way, personally.
Post # 7
Sometimes friends or co-workers throw showers for their friends/colleagues even if they are not invited to the wedding but they would do it on their own accord (kinda like a surprise wish you well party) but your family throwing you a shower and inviting guests that are not invited to the wedding really doesn’t sit well with me. Even showers thrown by family members in general is kinda bad etiquette as it seems as though the family is gift grabbing on your behalf.
Post # 8
I’m with the group here, not a good idea. What Sharron and Future Mrs. Martin describe is reasonable, but your mom can’t do this for you.
For example, if a coworker was getting married, I would love to attend her office shower even if not invited to the wedding, if it were organized by her office friends. On the other hand, if it were organized by her Bridesmaid or Best Man or mother, that would totally rub me wrong. The whole POINT of a shower is to shower people with gifts.
Post # 9
Actually my mom said the opposite. She said I won’t have a shower unless I want to celebrate with people that can’t come to the wedding! How funny, and how different from what you’ve heard.
A lot of people get a shower from coworkers–people in your life right now, but not for the long haul. Those people wouldn’t be invited to the wedding but they might want to celebrate anyway. They would host the shower.
I think that bride should never organize a shower for herself. If other people want to do something for her/her and her groom, then they should, and then having a registry really helps them (and you).
Edit: for ettiquette’s sake: no relatives should be involved in the planning of a shower, otherwise it does come off as a request for gifts.