(Closed) Showers for DW?

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
4133 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had a Destination Wedding and my SIL threw a shower for me. Only people invited to the weddign were invited. We didn’t have an at home reception. 

Post # 3
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We’re having a Destination Wedding and an in town cocktail reception. We’re not having a shower because we’re trying really hard to insist that we don’t expect gifts. Our guests are already paying close to 2k to come to our wedding, plus their spending $, so we really don’t expect any gifts!

Post # 4
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s kind of rude to have a shower when you choose to have a Destination Wedding. Your guest list will be two distinct groups of people: those who are coming to the wedding (and therefore are already spending a load of money) and those who are not (and therefore do not get to enjoy any of the celebrations). Neither of those groups should be made to feel that they need to give a gift, which is what will happen if you invite them to a shower.

Post # 5
Member
758 posts
Busy bee

Agreed with Horseradish. If I’m attending a Destination Wedding and get invited to a shower, I’ll decline the shower invite and not send a gift — it’s just too much.

If it was a best friend, I’d probably bring a small gift, but I’d be less than thrilled. I’m the type to still gift at a Destination Wedding, so to spend about $1,500-$2,500 to attend someone’s wedding and then feel like you should be giving two gifts is overkill.

Post # 6
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

kmsutton:  i’m having a Destination Wedding in Jamaica next year & commenting to follow… I’m sure my Maid/Matron of Honor and mom will want to do a shower for me, esp. considering Fiance & I don’t live together yet. & I would have gone along with it, but I never thought about an “ettiquite” perspective…  

Post # 7
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

kmsutton:  I am having a destination wedding and I made it very clear that I did not want any showers or parties. I didn’t have an engagement party, and I won’t be having a bridal shower, and I did not want to have a bachelorette. After receiving some complaints from my MoHs (lol) I decided to cave on the bachelorette, as long as it was FREE for everyone (i.e. pick something on the resort that is free so people don’t have to pay anything to come) and no gifts! I am also insisting that no one bring gifts to the wedding, I know some people will anyways, but I truly don’t want any gifts. People attending my wedding is already more than I could have asked!

Post # 8
Member
311 posts
Helper bee

I think you could have a shower, but maybe include a note that no gifts expected or something along those lines.  I’ve been invited to showers for Destination Wedding but would feel “icky” about it if there was also a presumption of gifts.  

Post # 9
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

kmsutton:  I had a small shower- maybe about 8 women- it was more a lunch and spa day for everyone. We only invited those that were invited to the wedding, there were a few friends that came to the lunch that were unable to attend the wedding. We didn’t have an at home reception.

We didn’t register- everyone brought me a personal gift- I didn’t expect gifts- I just wanted to hang out with the girls.

Post # 10
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

kmsutton:  I am having a Destination Wedding and the girls at my work are throwing me a shower. But we are having a very small dw with no wedding party and so i wont be having a family shower. But I am good with that, its hard being the center of attention (reason for small DW) haha. 

I will be having a bachelorette party with my work girls and other friends.

Post # 11
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

Could they throw a get together with no gifts? Or a recipe shower or something?

Post # 12
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

We are having a Destination Wedding and a reception at home. My bff is already asking about showers and “wedding events”..She is beyond excited to host these things, so why would I refuse? People who won’t be at our ceremony will be at the shower. Our Destination Wedding is very small, only 12 people, which is family and my BFF and FI’s 2 bff. Our situation is a little different because we all fly for free so instead of spending thousands and thousands to get to Hawaii it will be pretty cheap. A lot cheaper than a normal wedding, that we don’t want. 

Post # 13
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

How about a bridal luncheon so you can celebrate with all your ladies but no gifts? I really like that idea a lot better in general than showers.

Post # 14
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I had a Destination Wedding and no shower or any other parties.  The only one I was sad about not having was a bachorette party, but we moved to a new city and I don’t have any close girlfriends here and there was no way I’d ask people to spend money to fly out for a party for me. 

 

Post # 15
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I am having a Destination Wedding and have been struggling with the idea of a shower. I did throw one for the bride of a Destination Wedding that I went to, the people who came were a mix of people who were and weren’t attending the wedding, nobody thought it was rude and multiple people offered to host the shower actually.

I was just recently talking to my mom about how I wasn’t sure if we should register as I really don’t want anyone to feel that they HAVE to get a gift when we don’t expect them. She said that family and friends had already been asking where we were registered and what month we were having the shower, that by not registering it does not ensure we would not get gifts only that people wouldn’t know what to buy if they chose to get a gift.

I really think it depends on your family and friends as to what’s appropriate. I know there are many people who would be offended (a few bees seem to be as well) to be invited to a Destination Wedding and a shower, but I think that if you have someone who wants to throw you a shower and you’re not asking for it that it’s a nice gesture.

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