(Closed) Showers for DW?

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 16
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It is asking a lot to invite people to a Destination Wedding and a shower, so I would forego the shower. If someone insists on throwing you a shower, it must be limited to those who are invited to the wedding. Not the at-home reception, the wedding. Inviting people to a shower but not the wedding is rude, insulting, and offensive. It’s basically saying “you’re not important enough to come to our wedding, but will you buy us a present?”

Post # 17
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We are having a Destination Wedding and I am also having a shower.  I’m not doing it for the gifts, I’m doing it because I want to.   I’m the first of the grandchildren to get married and my mom is beyond excited that she gets to do all the wedding stuff.  I have 2 MOH’s and they are both thrilled to plan a shower and everything else that goes along with it.  If people bring gifts then they bring gifts, if they don’t they don’t.  We will register and we will invite everyone who is invited to the Destination Wedding and the at home reception to the shower. 

Like someone else said, I think it depends on your friends and family.  My friends and family expect it while someone else’s may think it’s wrong.

Post # 18
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I am having a Destination Wedding in Puerto Rico next year and we are just inviting immediate family, the wedding party and their significant others. One of my mother’s best friends has offered to throw me a shower even though she knows she’s not invited to the actual wedding (we are having a big at-home reception though). I feel kind of funny having a shower when 1 – everyone will be spending so much on my wedding already and 2 – the people wanting to host it aren’t even invited. I tried declining the shower but it means a lot to my mother’s friend to do this. So I think instead of a “shower,” which implies gifts, I’m going to have her host a “Bridal Brunch.” That way it’s more about just getting together and celebrating than it is about presents. My mother says no matter what some people will probably bring gifts and that’s fine, I just don’t want people to think it’s necessary. 

Post # 19
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

I don’t like being invited to showers, bachelorette parties or jack and jills for people who are having a Destination Wedding. I was invited to both the wedding and a jack and jill a few years back and since the cost of the wedding was over $2,000 I refused the jack and jill invitation altogether. I ended up backing out of attending the wedding due to the sheer cost of everything involvedl, so did 95% of the other people involved (on the day she only had her immediate family there, the other side couldn’t afford it).

In my humble opinion, throwing a shower for someone who’s having a Destination Wedding is a no-no.

Post # 20
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I don’t think a shower is appropriate if you’re having a Destination Wedding. Guests are already spending a lot of money to attend you’re wedding, asking them to shell out more seems a bit much.

And yes they don’t HAVE to attend the shower but let’s be honest people feel obligated to attend & to give. 


Post # 21
5 posts
  • Wedding: May 2015

My destination wedding is in 3 weeks and I am having a bridal shower.  I understand the guilt piece as I struggled to balance my dream of a Destination Wedding with financial feasibility for everyone involved.

My family is large and very Irish and everyone has a bridal shower (whether you want one or not). Within hours of finding out I was engaged, my aunt offered to host my shower. Even though I prefer not being the center of attention, I’m so glad there will be a bridal shower since it offers an opportunity to celebrate with some of the ladies that won’t be able to make it out to Sayulita, Mexico for my wedding.

If someone wants to throw you a shower, just let it happen. Invitations can clearly state “no gifts” so that the ladies invited to your shower know that all they need to do is show up and have fun.

In the end, it’s your wedding (and maybe shower). Don’t waste too much time focusing on pleasing everyone because you can’t. The people that truly want you to be happy will do whatever it is you want and the haters will always find something to complain about whether you have a shower or not.

Post # 22
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is funny–grown women telling another grown woman to basically feel bad if she has a wedding shower. Telling someone its rude or tacky is just ridiculous. 

OP if your family insists on the throwing you one-than let them. For those who feels its overwhelming than its a easy call–don’t go. I didn’t know invites where sent out with guns that pointed at your head and insisted you were some how obligated to attend. Same with the Destination Wedding wedding….if it’s a burden than don’t go. I just don’t get people who say something you shouldn’t do–because of this or that. People know their finances…and bottom line if you can’t afford a gift for a bridal shower than certainley you shouldn’t attend a Destination Wedding. 

Yes it really is that simple. People should mind their bank account and stay out of other folks pockets. 

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