(Closed) SHOWERS HELP!!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

if i was in that situation, i might start telling people who offer showers that one is already being done and that they should come to that one. and then have one big one.  but if you want 3, then have 3. i wouldn’t expect your BMs to attend all, especially if they are out of town. as for sending them invites, i would think not also, maybe just the one that they will know other people who will be there.  like if my school friends were doing something for me, i probably wouldn’t bother inviting my other friends (who are my BMs) if the other friends were also doing something for me.

Post # 4
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think anymore than 1 is too much (unless perhaps it’s with another group of friends).  I’d be really annoyed as a Bridesmaid or Best Man if the bride expected me to attend more than one. 

If you’re having 3, I’d speak to your BMs on the phone individually and let them know the situation and tell them they are welcome to attend 1 or 3 if they want to, but that it’s also fine if they don’t attend any. 

Post # 5
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My Maid/Matron of Honor is hosting a bridal shower for me and a little birdy told me that my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law will be hosting one for me as well. So that’s two already….AND I have a feeling my friends at work may throw one as well (probably very small). As for inviting Bridesmaid or Best Man, they can receive all the invites, but it certainly doesn’t mean that they have to attend. I would simply call the girls and tell them, you might receive an invite for such and such, but please don’t feel obligated to attend.

In my case, the guest lists will look very different for each shower. I probably won’t know many of the people at the shower hosted by my Future Mother-In-Law (her family and friends). My Bridesmaid or Best Man will know about all of them because they’re all my close girlfriends so that know what goes on in my life anyway, but they definitely don’t feel obligated to attend.

Post # 6
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can understand up to 3 showers but anymore than that is a bit much, unless of course the same people are not invited to each one. In that case, it really doesnt matter how many you have, imo. But I tend to think multiple showers are kinda “eh”. The only reason I even say 3 showers is “okay” is because I do know people that had showers thrown by their side of the family, then their FI’s side threw them a shower and their co-workers threw them a shower. 

Each one of my friends only had 1 bridal shower (all were thrown by me). I invited everyone that they wanted invited which included both their families as well as their FI’s families, all friends and in my one friends case, all of her co-workers. Each shower had a guest list of more than 40 people. 

Mine and FI’s families get along well and everyone is local so I dont have a reason to have more than 1 shower nor do I want more than 1 shower. My bridesmaids and our moms and are organizing my shower.

I would suggest that your friends/neighbors joined forces and threw one combined shower for you. They could each contribute financially and invite who they would have invited to “their” shower.

Are your bridesmaids planning on throwing you a shower for your families? If they are then I would not even bother inviting them to the other showers as it may come off as kind of “gift grabby”. 

You must be a popular girl to have so many people want to throw you a shower!!

Post # 7
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think:

1. You can have as many showers as you want, but you don’t want crossover guests, because if they receive 2-3 invites to showers for the SAME person, some will see it as a gift-grab. You can avoid that perspective if you specifically state on the invite for them “no gifts,” but know that again, even if I weren’t required to give a gift, if I were invited to THREE showers for the same person, I might start wondering about their self-awareness (just being honest). So if we’re talking about 1 shower for friends, 1 shower at work, and 1 shower for family, I think that’s pretty safe–and you say you have separate groups of friends which I think is fine. But again, if you’ve got mishmash with the guests over the 3 showers, I’d rethink it.

2. I might invite my BMs to all the showers as a gesture. I think it’s fine to include a handwritten note to their invite saying you wanted to convey you’d love to have them there, but you understand if they can’t make it and that you don’t expect a gift. It depends on your realtionship with them–my friends and I are pretty casual so I’m fine with saying, ‘Seriously, don’t bother with a gift.’

3. Agree with PP who said that people who want to host your shower might be comfortable joining forces–but DON’t offer that up as a possibility until you clear it with the original host–she might WANT to do it all herself. THe other alternative is to say “thank you” and invite them to the shower your’e already having.

Post # 8
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you can have more than one shower just don’t invite anyone to more than one shower.  Even the best friend will start to feel used if they’re invited to multiple gift giving events!

Post # 9
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I had one big one, and just invited everybody from all walks of life.  Family, highschool friends, bridesmaids, coworkers (that were invited to the wedding of course).  It was great to see all the ladies I loved all together.  If all these parties are local I’d look at telling the people that offer that there’s already a shower being hosted and they should come.

I also had another lunch hour shower with some coworkers that weren’t invited to the wedding and some that were.  Darling Husband and I work at the same office, so it was co-ed, and they brought a group gift/card.

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