(Closed) Shower/Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Personally, I believe that it’s okay as long as it is clear to the guests that they aren’t invited to the wedding (For example, include on the invite that you’re having a small wedding, but want to celebrate with everyone).

Technically, traditional etiquette says otherwise, but I like to be a rule breaker. 🙂

Post # 4
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I don’t know if it’s necessarily rude, but I might be offended if someone did that to me. Since a shower is all about presents, it might sound like you invited them to the shower just so you could get their presents.


Post # 5
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s rude.  Very rude.  People invited to your shower will assume they are invited to the wedding.  I would!  That’s one of the drawbacks of a small, private wedding. 

Post # 6
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, I have to disagree with Amanda, UNLESS you’re having a theme shower–IE, recipe shower, stock the bar, etc. I think those would be acceptable and more of a couple’s party than a shower. 

Post # 7
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yeah, this is kind of hard to get around because a shower’s main purpose is to “shower” the bride with presents, you know? I’m not really an etiquette stickler, but unfortuantely, I gotta say that this would probably be a no for me.

Maybe you could have an “after wedding” celebration with the people you couldn’t invite to the wedding? Make it a casual backyard paty. That way, you can celebrate with everyone you wanted to invite to the shower but couldn’t.

Post # 8
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

if you want to celebrate with them, maybe hold another reception afterwards? for some reason i think that is more polite than inviting them to the shower and not inviting them to the reception. the after-wedding celebration can be very low-key as well.

Post # 9
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, it would be very rude. You’ll have them thinking that you can take their presents (because a shower is all about giving the bride things she’ll need for her married life) but not invite them to the actual wedding. I would be very offended and hurt. Why not just not invite them to your traditional shower and have either a party before or a party after with them invited?

Have a party!

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