(Closed) Showing BMs the dress before the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Should I show BMs the dress before the wedding?
    Sure, why not? : (61 votes)
    74 %
    No, wait until it fits/looks right : (19 votes)
    23 %
    Other? : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    480 posts
    Helper bee

    I was in a similar situation. I went dress shopping with them (out of state), and the salon happened to carry my dress. I was so excited to show them that I didnt even care that it was a 6 (I’m a 10). I regret showing them the dress when it was so ill fitting. :/ 

    Post # 4
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Honestly, I wouldn’t show my friends until the wedding because my friends can be bitches and I’m afraid they’d make some stupid comment that would make me doubt or regret my dress choice- especially if it was mid-alterations.

    Post # 5
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I would definitely show mine. They always see things I don’t see.

    Mom: “Oh honey you look so beautiful!”

    Friend 1: “Did you notice that weird crease running up the side?”

    Friend 2: “Are you going to shorten the sleeves?”

    Friend 3: “That crinoline is making the train do weird things.”

    I guess if your friends are bitchy, super opinionated or juvenile, maybe you shouldn’t. But mine are kind, super critical, comforting and  very detail-oriented. (Unlike my mom, who would tell me I looked beautiful in a burlap sack.)

    Post # 6
    4436 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @MrsN14:  I would show them for sure, unless they are super bitchy as pps already mentioned!

    Post # 7
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    It depends on whether you’re prepared for comments.  What if one or more of them don’t like it? Chances are, your friends won’t hold back. Are you prepared to stand up for your choice or are you going to start second-guessing it? If it’s the latter, I’d say don’t show them. Your dress will never look as good on you as it will when alterations are done. You might wait until then.

    Post # 8
    9954 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012


    And for 2 Reasons:

    1- If it hasn’t been altered yet, it certainly isn’t going to look its best


    2- I know you are excited and no doubt want to share… but experience tells me that the more people who know, the higher the risk that the info gets out to others.

    IMO, Your Wedding Dress should be a HUGE Surprise… and your shining moment.  Certainly was one of the highlights of my own Wedding Day (lol, all dressed up and looking like a Princess in the most expensive / important dress I’ll ever wear)

    I get having taken a few people along when you purchase it, but beyond that I wouldn’t be sharing the info with anyone else… you will bowl them over the day of !!

    Just my 2 (traditional) cents.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 9
    1848 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I showed my girls. I don’t care – I’m not that traditional about that stuff. They all LOVED it.

    I’m getting married over a year from now, so I doubt they’ll have it stamped in their mind, lol.

    Post # 10
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    The only person that saw my dress before the wedding is my mother.  I had a really bad Bridesmaidzilla that just had jealous snarky comments about everything and caused massive drama the week before the wedding.  

    I figured it was easier to just keep the dress a secret instead of letting her make me feel bad for myself. 

    Post # 11
    16194 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I showed a few of my BMs my dress because they came to fittings with me to learn how to help with my bustle. I loved being able to share that with them!

    Post # 12
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would show them. If you’re worried I would say “It’s way too big right now so don’t worry about it not fitting correctly now.” 

    Post # 13
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I texted my BMs a picture of me in my dress the day I got it!  I love them and value their opinions so much.  if you’re worried about surprising them, maybe don’t show them the whole bridal look (veil, shoes etc all on)?  that way it’ll still be new on your wedding day.

    Post # 14
    488 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I don’t want to show my mine until it’s been altered, because the look will change pretty drastically. To my face, I know they would all say it’s pretty, but I am honestly a little embarrassed (god that sounds bad lol) of how it looks at the moment, and I want to be totally confident and loving how it looks before I show it off

    Post # 15
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

    I showed friends my 1st gown and they caused me major dress regret. Obviously I wasn’t certain about it when it was purchased. I ended up purchasing a 2nd dress over the regret. I showed them the 2nd dress and they preferred it over the 1st. But I still had dress regret and keep looking. I only showed a few people the 3rd dress and I was basically like I dont give a care if they like it or not. That’s when you know its the one.

    Post # 16
    7679 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Definitely show them! That’s what they (Bridesmaids) are for – to support you (including being part of the dress process e.g. by offering advice). Anyway to me the whole point of the surprise is when you walk down the aisle, but your BMs are going to see the dress before the wedding anyway when they help you get ready.

    If you can’t trust your BMs to keep quiet about it, they shouldn’t be bridesmaids.

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