(Closed) Showing love for those who cant attend …RIP

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think all of your ideas are great. I will be attaching a memorial charm to my bouquet as well. I lost my brother in February and I think they’re a great way to have someone close to you that’s unable to attend.

Post # 4
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I like the “in memory” candles I see online in general, but to be honest, those ones pictured above are hokey/creepy to me…something about having the people’s pictures and then the couples’ names and wedding date…just weird.

I think having actual framed pictures of the loved ones with some candles placed around would be nice to honor their memories.

Post # 5
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@AndysCraftsNmore:  My father passed away 6 years ago! I had my two children walk me down the aisle. We had a reserved seat for my father with his vest and a picture and we also had the memory table. I also wore his wedding ring for the ceremony.

Post # 6
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had Sophie, she was made from my grandmother’s Persian Lamb Coat (I was a 54 year old bride, and made my best friend cry when I told her I was going to do this) Sophie’s story also appeared in our program, so people understood why she was there:

Sophie’s Story

My grandparents, Sophie and Edward Nortof were people of modest means – she cleaned offices at night for Prudential, he was a paint filler at Sherwin Williams.

My grandmother was a lady in all respects; her hair, makeup and nails were impeccable and she dressed up to go food shopping!

She loved beautiful things, one of which was her black Persian lamb coat with silver mink cuffs and collar, which she wore to Mass every Sunday and for those once in a while special events.

I was blessed to have her in my life for 33 years; when she passed we all kept some of her things that were special to her; one of the things I kept was her precious coat. My mother said I always loved beautiful things, just like my grandmother!

My grandmother was tiny compared to me and there was no way to make her coat wearable, thus “Sophie” was born.

Sophie of course is a lady, like her namesake, and has dressed up for this special day in her tiara and pearls.

She is here today to honor the memory of those who have passed and cannot be with us today, but are forever in our hearts.



Post # 7
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@dkacerek:  I think this is so beautiful. It made me tear up.

Post # 8
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I LOVE the idea of attaching the picture of your father to your shoes.  It would really be like him walking with you!  Very touching.

Post # 9
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think that of I were a guest at your wedding, I’d have a very hard time not feeling sad and rather morbid. I mean, subtle rememberances like the photo charm that are meant for your eyes only are fine. Maybe even 1 not-so-subtle, but very tactful display would work, too (e.g. the photos or Sophie). But the skull and the candle where a person should be and your theme all piled on top of one another…. well, it’s rather “in your face” and would likely bring up a lot of my own very sad and difficult memories in such a manner that would utterly distract from you and your wedding. Maybe none of your other guests have ever lost someone, so it won;t feel personal to them. but for me, and certainly for Mr.Lk, it would hit way too close to home and we probably would not stick around long to see what other ways you planned to shove death into our faces. So there’s a different perspective for your consideration.




Post # 10
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am going have pictures in my bouquet. I think it’s a lovely idea to remember those loved ones who can’t be there. At my friends wedding recently, her Grandfather was honoured in her speeches.

Post # 12
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I think the colors idea would work, as the colors primarily carry the meaning for you. I just encourage you to be sensitive.

As part of our cocktail hour decor we had family photos scattered throughout the area. One of those photos was of Mr. LK’s parents’ wedding. Both of his parents have passed on. During the cocktail hour I glanced around the room and noticed Mr. LK’s Gramma kissing that photo with a tear in her eye. As joyous as our wedding was, just having that photo of her deceased daughter there was enough to bring her to tears. I don’t know that she (or Mr. LK, for that matter) could have handled much more of a reminder.

Post # 13
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ll be doing bouquet charms for my dad and grandpa.

Post # 14
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think those are beautiful ideas, and I second the “reserved” seat idea as well. Including a note in your programs might also be nice.


This is the note we included in ours:


In Loving Memory

As we embark on the next stage of our lives together, we would like to take the time to lovingly recognize those who are no longer with us. Today, we think of them fondly with love in our hearts.


[Names of departed family members.]


““If there is ever a day we can’t be together, keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.” -Winnie the Pooh

Post # 15
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I love the idea of a photo of your Dad attached to your wedding bouquet.  Not so in love with the shoes idea – that seems…I don’t know, a little odd to me.  Perhaps disrespectful maybe?

As for the other ideas, its up to you, but…In My Humble Opinion, a wedding should focus on the wedding and not resemble a memorial service.  Less is more.  I think a lot of photos, candles, mentions, etc. makes the day more about who isn’t there than who is. 

For us, our reception venue had a fireplace with a mantle.  We placed the wedding photos of our parents there (my parents and my Mother-In-Law are deceased) and I thought that was nice without being too overpowering.  There were also wedding photos of people who were still alive so not too sad either. 

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