Shut-it-Up Pact! 5/23 – 6/23

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 121
Member
49 posts
Newbee

emmalicious :  I’m such a control freak that it’s literally killing me to not know what’s going on. I’m the planner of our relationship and I like it that way. I feel like it has to be this month because we agreed it would be this summer and he works for a university so August is going to be crazy. September is my birthday and he’s already said he won’t double up a proposal with another holiday so fingers crossed!

Post # 122
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

SO’s sister was here just over a week ago and expressed some hesitation about selling SO her old ring. I dont have anyt issue with it but she has to be comfortable. She didnt talk to SO about it at all and she was supposed to send pics and info to us so we could discuss it. She hasnt done this and we’re not about to pressure her. I told SO about my convo with her and he said we’d give her a bit of time and if she dragged her feet, we’ll just buy something from the store I wanted to go to originally. A few days later we were talking about how busy our weekends are for the next few months and he suggesting finding time to take a day trip into the city to ring shop. We’re heading in on Sunday! I popped in to another store with my mom a couple days ago and saw one of the settings I liked and realized that all the rings I have picked out will be absolutely stunning, so now I’m even more excited about this weekend!!!

 

ETA – I’m not officially in the SIU pact since I said I’d join once we have our shopping done lol. BUT as excited as I am to call this man my Fiance, I’m strangely qiuet about the whole engagement/wedding planning stuff. I dont think I really bring it up to him much unless its about logistics.

Post # 123
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Charliejeorge :  That stinks that the sister’s ring didn’t work out! And its fine to talk about it while you pick something out! Trust me, after its ordered, its SOOOOOO much harder to shut up about it! I have done well though, since our last “is it or isn’t it here” conversation! 

Post # 124
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

kimmykat024 :  It still might work out, but I’m not holding my breath. Plus I think it’s an emerald cut which im not too crazy about and am really excited to be able to pick out a cushion I adore. I’m certainly not going to discourage a ring shopping day! haha I’m hoping I dont know once it’s ordered… because that would be TORTURE!!! He really really wants it to be a surprise, so I’m sure he’ll try to be sneaky. I asked if he wanted me to pick out a few settings and a stone so he could make the final decisions and it would still be a surprise and he said “let’s go and see what you like and we’ll go from there” haha. 

Post # 126
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

emmalicious :  I actually already know what I want but there are a few different settings that I like and a few different loose stones that I’d like to see (those we’d have to order in and go back in to look at another time). It will probably be a short stop actually but thats OK lol. I havent gone ring shopping with a SO before (just gave my ex-h cards with info on them for when he was ready) but SO is really fun to shop with, he cracks jokes and keeps things fun. (probably makes sales people roll their eyes because he seems like he’s not taking it seriously, but he definitely is)

Post # 127
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Charliejeorge :  Yes, once you know he has ordered the ring, it is TORTURE!! I’m like constantly suspicious!! Last night he was like “Do you want to come outside with me while I’m grillling?” and I was like “is this it?!?!?” (it wasn’t!). Every time we take a walk or go to dinner or anything I’m like “this is it!!” It hasn’t been yet!! It is really fun though. And I know he’s teasing me with a lot of things! 

Post # 128
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

kimmykat024 :  haha thats hilarious! It’s awesome that you two are having fun with it!

I called the jeweler yesterday to see if we needed an appointment. SO asked if they will have all the settings in that I wanted to see and I said no, they’ll probably have to order some in. SO seemed a little annoyed (as I was) that we’ll have to go in twice and asked me to see if they can get some in for Sunday. I reminded SO that I asked him if I should order a few things in and that he said “no, lets just go take a look at what they have and take it from there” so thats what I did. He said that I’ve taken the lead on this and that know way more about how this works and he probably didnt realize what I was saying when I asked.

He said something about how he’d been dragging his feet and I mention it a lot and so it’s easier for him to just let me do it. I told him I didnt want to take it away from him if he wanted to do it and he said that he would have but I’m so “fussy” so he wants me to have what I want. He said this isnt how he imagined it, the romance and surprise is already gone for him,  so I might as well pick what I want. OUCH. I told him there was still lots of opportunity for surprise, I still dont know if he will, when, how… and I told him I would give him my top choices so I dont know the final ring if thats what he wants.

I don’t really know what to do here. He’s making me feel guilty for wanting a say but then “since its all ruined anyways” i might as well have a say. I just dropped the convo because I wanted to clear my head before I said anything else and I didnt want to get emotional… but I dont know what to do here. I dont really think I did anything wrong, I havent done anything without his go-ahead… He mentioned that I have to control things and it’s true, it’s something I’m working on but I dont think wanting to be involved when he knows nothing about rings and I know what I like is being controlling… I thought we were being a team. But now I just feel like crap about it and want to drop it entirely and he can do what he wants when he wants to. Mind you, this whole convo happened late evening beofre supper so he’s usually a little more ornery around that time and probably didnt mean to come off so negative. But it’s left a bad taste in my mouth and has kind of ruined it for ME now. 

Post # 129
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Charliejeorge :  Woof. I’m sure that he thinks he’s “supposed” to surprise you, becuase that is what is built up a lot today. And I’m sure he didn’t want to go back to the jeweler a second (or thrid or fourth) time because he’s excited (I know my boyfriend was!) and wants to do it quickly! That probably left a little bit of disappointment in his mouth. It’s just not going the way he saw it or built it up in his head and he just needs some time to come to terms with that. It happens to all of us. It’s life! 

If I were you, I’d talk to him tonight after dinner (I also have an SO that gets hangry!) and just tell him that you don’t feel like the romance is out of it, or that you’re ruining anything and you’re sorry if this isn’t exactly what he had in mind, but you were just following his lead and his comments. Just tell him that you really enjoy shopping with him, and its just a different kind of romance and fun! So your story will be different from others, who cares? Plus, once he has it, it is still a surprise! You have no idea when it is coming, and he can plan everything as if you wouldn’t have picked out the ring toghether first, but at least he knows you will LOVE the ring! And that you’ll say yes! 😉 

Post # 130
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

kimmykat024 :  He really like surprises and has said since the beginning that he always envisioned a big elaborate surprise, which I have told him he can still do. I guess I havent verbalized that once I have showed him what I like, I will back off entirely and he can do it when/how he wants to. But he’s mentioned several times that because I know it’s coming and because I know what it will look like, all the surprise is gone (even if I give him a top 3 to choose from), which I dont agree with but there’s no arguing with him (stubborn butt). I do plan on brigning it up again tonight after dinner, I like what you said and will include that in my speel (thank you!). He’s just so painfully traditional and loves surprises… I’m not and have been strung along before so I want to be included. I just feel like a broken record and feel like I’m running around in circles trying to make sure we both get what we want while he’s sitting there complaining about me taking over and how things arent going the way he planned… except he never planned anything! it’s enough to make me want to stop discussing it for a few months and revisit the topic once the dust has settled a bit. I’m sure I’m overreacting and I think part of it is im worried he’s complaining to people about me taking over and they’re going to think I’m this crazy entitled control freak. I know his friends and family like me but I’m worried theyre going to think badly of me because he’s complaining (this may be all in my head, I have no idea what he’s said to people and I know he stood up for our decision to shop together with his sister) He’s just giving me mixed signals and I’m confused. 

Post # 131
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Charliejeorge :  Yeah, I would just step back for a little bit. Both of you. It is really exciting to get started on all of this stuff, and emotions run high and you have it in your mind one way and he has it in his mind the other and then no one is living up to anyone’s expectations, and it gets overwhelming!

How did the talk last night go? And I will say that after reading some of these boards, my SO and I had a talk last night where I was like “no expectations on either side for this proposal! I’m not expecting anything big, elaborate or special, and you don’t expect me to react any way!” he agreed. 

If your SO really wants it to be a complete surprise, just tell him to propose with a ring pop! And you guys can pick it out together after. Or a lot of jewelers have a “proposal ring” where the guy picks out the stone, and they just set it on a plain band. Then you bring it back in and pick out the setting together. Both of these things he could have done on his own, but it sounds like it was his choice to bring you into the conversation, so now he has to live with it! 

I’m sure he’s not complaining to anyone about you! I know that when I told my parents that we were ring shopping together they were like “so are you engaged? have you set a date? can we tell people?” I was like, nope not “official” yet! They were very confused, and I just told them that he didn’t trust picking something out for me since what I wanted was so specific (which they totally understood, as I am a picky person!) and he has had to deal with the same conversations with his friends/family. He always defends our choice, though. And I’m sure your SO does the same! 

Post # 132
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

kimmykat024 :  The talk went well! He said that he was tired & grumpy when we talked the day before and that he DID envision it being a big elaborate surprise but that he understands why I want to be involved. I promised to back off and not bring it up once we ring shop and he just kind of chuckled and said OK lol ( he maybe doesn’t believe me but I’ll show him! lol). He joked about proposing with a cracker jack ring and I said I’d be perfectly happy with that, but he couldnt get mad if I went out and bought my own e-ring afterwards lol.   He did confirm that he WILL propose, so YAY!!! That means I can just have fun and enjoy shopping and learning more about the process and then be excited and surprised when it happens. I dont think he is complaining to anyone, i think thats just me being insecure and feeling a little bratty. But it is something I will wear forever (or until we’ll filthy rich and I can upgrade to a 5CT stunner :P) and want to love it. He gets that and as far as I know, defends our choice to shop together with anyone I’ve heard him talk to. 

I called the jeweller and they cannot bring in settings or loose stones for us to look at without purchasing them first which I think is really dumb. But they have a lot of loose stones in stock that they can show us so we know what different specs look like in real life. I think I have to go in with an open mind and just have fun with it. At the end of the conversation, he said “So, are you excited for sparklies?!?” haha so now I’m giving myself permission to not feel guilty and just enjoy myself 🙂

I thnk it’s great you two agreed to a “no expectations” proposal… that’s a great idea. Now any proposal will be awesome for you and any recation from you will be awesome for him! I’m excited to hear all about it!!

Post # 133
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Charliejeorge :  Yay!! So exciting!! Get those sparkles! And enjoy it! 

That does really stink about your jeweler, though. Ours brought in 8 different stones and 3 different settings besides the ones they had in store before the ring was chosen! I was shocked, but he just kept geting stones when I wasn’t perfectly happy with the ones that came in! Maybe its the advantage of your SO going to high school with your jeweler 😉  He did say that as long as the settings were in a generic size, he could return them, so I didn’t feel so bad asking him to get some in! It worked out that the generic size was actually my exact size! 

Post # 134
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee

kimmykat024 :  That’s what I was really hoping would happen but apparently not. I asked her how you know if you like something enough to purchase it when you cant see it in person and her response was that there are pictures online… which is true but their really high quality renderings, theyre not even actual photos! I’ll see what we find out on Sunday. I have a really good idea of what I want and already have a top 3, so really, as long as it looks like one of those 3 settings, I’ll be over the moon! I’m moreso looking forward to how different specs look IRL so I can help SO (if he wants it) choose a good stone at a good price. I think right now I’m leaning towards sacrificing color to get something slightly bigger without black inclusions. Since cusions face up smaller than other cuts, I like the idea of an I or J colored stone that’s cut really well and in the VVS range… there are a few nearly 1ct cushions in that spec range for decent prices that make me very excited haha. I just dont know HOW yellow a J stone actaully is and if I’d even notice it. 

Post # 135
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

I’m doing so much better at keeping quiet this week. We found another house we want to go look at finally, so we’re doing that and a BBQ at our friends’ house this weekend, then next week is RING SHOPPING!! Not until Wednesday, but still. I’m excited.

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