Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) 2017

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 136
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m new to the hive! My SO and I have been dating for close to 4 years and we’ve had many talks about our timeline to get married, buy a place, etc. I have sent him so many ring designs and he let it slip that he was talking to a ring designer to custom design my ring in April. Since he brought that up, and also because I kept prodding… it’s been so hard for me to shut up about it. I’ve been trying to stop myself from asking questions like, “hey did she find the right diamond yet?” and now, he just says, just leave it up to me. It’s driving me insane. I need to stop and try to let go of the “waiting anxiety” so I’m joining this game!

Post # 137
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

My birthday is in two weeks and SO joked about getting me a ring for my birthday. Isn’t happening because his lawsuit isn’t settled but way to get my hopes up.

Post # 138
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

I actually find it very easy not to talk about it. We have joked about it tons but aside from that I don’t bring it up and he never brings it up and probably never will. I have decided though that after the Cuba trip I will definitely talk about it. So I have a few months before that fun convo lol. 

Post # 139
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

We are going on a long trip in August and while I think that would be my ideal time to get engaged…. my SO just started a new job and we have a lot going on right now so I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Its been almost 4 years and we have looked at rings online, etc… I just need to SIUP!

Post # 140
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

ohra :  Oh I see how you would get excited! But try to push it to the back of your mind and enjoy your trip ๐Ÿ™‚ There is nothing worse than ruining a trip (or holiday) for yourself by being disappointed. Especially if you could potentially ruin it for your Boyfriend or Best Friend if he notices you are disappointed or if it starts a fight. I have an upcoming trip in the next 4 months as well so trust me.. I get it! But I am focusing on things I want to experience during the trip ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 142
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

becks90 :  Thanks! Honestly Sept isn’t that far away (anniversary) and I hadn’t really thought about it. Hoping for August for you, but I’m glad you guys are able to talk about it!

jeshicat :  You’re right! I’m trying to enjoy the summer and look forward to our trip thinking it won’t happen, and if it does it will just be a nice surprise! I have freinds who ruined international big trips because they were waiting/disappointed about not getting engaged the whole time and I do NOT want to do that! Cuba would be awesome! 

Post # 143
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

I decided to probe a bit last night. Because I realized if the thought hadn’t crossed his mind and I wait 4-6 more months to bring it up… Well I just hated not knowing what he was thinking. 

I basically just asked him while we were cuddling before bed “Do you ever think of us being all old together?” And then he went on this very deep conversation on how he doesn’t feel like hes living his life and he feels he is in a rut and hes no longer sure if he wants kids. And I went to bed feeling like poop and woke up feeling like poop. And before I even got to work I got an “I love you” text because I think he realized I would probably be a poop on a log. He followed it up with an apology for being a downer last night and it opened up conversation. So basically he wants to change something in his life and basically find a meaning to his life. He doesn’t want to have kids to feel fulfilled in life because that is not fair to them. I get that 100% and I support him in this. He kept saying how I am the one sure thing in his life and I keep him sane and he wants other parts in his life to measure up to how good our relationship is. I asked him if he wants to marry me and he said yes, I do. And there were more talks and stuff and I asked if there was something he wanted to accomplish before getting married and he said he wants to be in good shape. So we are going to work on that together because I also want to be in good shape. And then I asked when he saw us getting engaged and he said “In a few years maybe..” then there was a pause then he messaged “maybe next year. Do you really wanna ruin the surprise though?” So basically we are going to spend the year working on bettering ourselves both outside of our relationship (I want to work on my anxiety) and working on ourselves together. I feel really good about this talk and he felt better talking about it after as well. 

Post # 144
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I need this thread more than ever right now!!!! my SO and I agreed on our 3rd anniversary to be a timeline to get engaged… that will be in a little over a month surprised!! I noticed the other day my dream diamond SOLD.. I cried a little because he has not shown any signs of buying anything ring related!!!!! I just feel like I know him well enough to know if he did buy it (he is horrible at hiding things) Oct will be our 1 year of living together… I am anxious and scared at the same time that it wont happen… I told myself that if it doesnt happen I will walk and he is aware of that too.. frown

Post # 146
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

A little update. Our timeline is the end of this year (as in Dec 31). And a big thing he wanted me to do first was to meet his Mom and his closest friend. Both of them live 7 hrs away, and I just met both of them! (We drove to see his Mom, and his friend came here to see us).

So last night we were talking and he said how happy he was that I had finally met the important people in his life. Then he said “New deadline, it’ll happen by the end of November”. I was so happy! I know it’s just eliminating 1 month and that Nov 30 is still a long ways away, but it let me know that he’s serious about things. And also made me think he might already have the ring or plan to have it very soon if he was confident enough to up the timeline like that? ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 148
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

becks90 :  Thank you! And I hope it’s your time soon! Like end of next month soon!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 149
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

I keep trying to do this and then failing!

I am going to declare myself in this pact now, it’s about time. After over 2.5years together, we had a serious talk about things in May and he couldn’t give a timeline. But I made it clear that I need to know where we’re going by Nov and that I’m not just going to wait around. Also, since then I’ve been talking about it a lot more frequently which I think was good because it’s sort of broken the ice. He knows it’s on my mind now which is a good thing, whereas before we didn’t talk about it much. He’s given his wedding opinions too and I know he’s on board with marriage, it’s just a question of when.

But I think I’ve overdone it innocent I can’t stop looking at pinterest, this board etc. It’s getting way tooooo much. Yes I love looking at all the nice photos… but I’ll stop now.

We are really strong lately and I don’t feel insecure about it at all anymore. So I’m happy to wait and enjoy our relationship.

So. Unless he brings it up, not a peep from me. I will mention it again after 24 August, i.e., have you thought more about a timeline. After that I won’t say anything until Nov. No wedding dresses, rings or talks about ceremonies!!

This is also a pact to myself to limit looking at this board to 2x / week.

We’ve got a wedding to attend in two weeks where I’ll be a bridesmaid but I swear I won’t bring up anything about weddings relating to us whilst we’re there!

Post # 150
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

iomi :  I totally get what you mean by looking at pinterest boards, etc. I used to have a pinterest board set on private for all things wedding-related. About a year ago, I deleted that board because I didn’t want to keep thinking about it. I still love looking at rings online (but in incognito mode, so ads for rings don’t pop up on my facebook LOL). 

I’m also going to be a bridesmaid, so I find that it’s hard to resist bringing up weddings sometimes. She asked if I would go to a bridal show with her and although I’d LOVE to, I said I told myself I wouldn’t go if I wasn’t engaged!

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