Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) 2017

posted 9 months ago in Waiting
Post # 151
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Oh this is a cool pact! 

I’m in! Although lately, he’s the one bringing it up rather than me.

But I’m going to try it anyway laughing

Post # 152
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

annann91 :  Well that is fine if he is the one bringing it up! 🙂 

Post # 154
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

So he brought up his talk a couple times now.

The one time was to say again how he has all these responsbilities (our house, his job, our future) and how he has all these things laid out for him and hes not sure how he likes it. Again he reassured me he doesn’t have any doubts about our future together just the big decisions that come with it or something like that. I pointed out that no one made those decisions for him, he made them himself. He chose to move to this job, he chose to buy a house together and he chose to be with me. I feel he is just stuck at the moment!

The other time it was to ask if I got freaked out by his talk about how basically he isn’t happy with how things are in his life right now (excluding our relationship) and how he has more responsibilities than he wants and he needs escapes and isn’t sure if he wants kids. I said it did because I wasn’t sure where our relationship stood in all that. And he was saying how he doesn’t like the pressure of me wanting a timeline and doesn’t get when I need to know. And I reiterated because its my future too and hes like yah but why ruin the surprise? I told him I was happy with the “next year or in a few years” and I wasn’t looking for a heads up or anything. He just doesn’t get that part I don’t think.  And he said I probably should not to expect an engagement next year… more realistically it would probably be in 2 or 3 years. So I will be 29-30 and we would have been dating for 6-7 years at that point.  He said something I can’t remember what and I joked about how he is the one that wants a huge church wedding and he was like “what? I never said that”. I reminded him how he originally said he either wants a court wedding, huge church wedding with all the family or destination wedding. This was about 3 years ago he said this lol. And he was like “well not anymore.. i would be happy with just a court wedding”. I would like a small more relaxed wedding but he said he didn’t want to talk about wedding stuff because he is stressed enough as it is. bleh. 

I am using this time to get in shape and lose the weight that I want to lose. And I am helping him with his diet more so he can lose weight and maybe if he gets more comfortable in his own skin he will branch out in life more and who knows. I was hoping to be a bride before I was 30, which I know is silly because age is just a number and such.

Post # 155
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

I need this so bad lol I’m joining the pact. Not going to say a word until New Years.

Post # 157
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

becks90 :  I’ve sent him pictures of the ring I want, so I just have to hope for the best there. He is not the type who will actually let me pick it out. He wants it to be a total surprise. He mentioned something about my birthday once (February) when we were having a discussion about the proposal. But most recently he said “within a year.” He said he doesn’t want to give me any more of a timeline because it will take away from the surprise. 

I think your journal idea is excellent!!! I’ll put it my top secret notebook with my wedding plans/ideas lol

Post # 158
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Hello girls!

I must say it feels good to talk to other women, even though it is on the internet, who are on the same page as me. I really have noone to talk to about this subject, since all three women in my life I could confide in, are married with children now. I talk to my sister about rings and dresses sometimes, but I can tell she got fed up with the subject and last time I needed to talk to her about my raising anxiety about getting engaged, she just brushed me off saying “marriage is not that important” and that I should stop “nagging”. Easy for her to say, being married at age 25… In just two months, I’m going to be 30. And our third anniversary is couple of weeks after that. We have discussed marriage twice, last time being a year ago, and I thought we were on the same page. So after two years of dating, I started to expect a ring. I really thought he understood I want to be engaged before getting thirty. But nothing happened. I only brought up marriage when someone got engaged or married – like – hey, Katie and Rob got engaged, good for them! And carried on with whatever I was doing, without even looking at him. Two months ago, I showed him my old ring and said – oh look, it still fits! – so he will know my size. That’s when I realised he never brings up marriage, engagement, kids, and generally avoids this kind of subjects. A week later I was looking at rings on the internet, and when he asked what I was doing, I showed him and told him what I liked about the ring I was looking at. Again, he said nothing and went on with his business. I sulked for an hour, then had a meltdown – “why are you not interested in what rings do I like, why are you avoiding this whole subject? are we not heading that way?” He sat down with me and we talked. He was surprised that I was expecting a proposal, because he didn’t rememeber my timeline expectations and didn’t really think about it at all. Also he told me that me talking about wedding stuff makes him not want it at all. I was mortified, because I didn’t know, and didn’t think this would set him off. I don’t dare even mentioning fictional character ending up together to him now. Last time I have shut it up and waited for the guy, I have ended up waiting for three years and the proposal didn’t happen and I ended the relationship. I don’t want to happen it again… I’m dreading my upcoming birthday. 30 and not married, officialy an old maid. I know some of you would laugh at me for thinking like this (funny how it’s always a married woman who laughs at those who are still waiting), but those are my beliefs and priorities, so please, respect it and don’t try to change my mind or views. I really apreciate being around women who understand. It helps me a lot to have somewhere to go to rant a little. I am shutting it up for good, and I’ll try my best not to expect anything, not even on our anniversary. I have sent my sister a ring I like in case he asks her, and just hope for the best.

Post # 159
Member
10 posts
Newbee

beejolly :  sounds like I am in a similar situation! It’s so frustrating! Hope it all works out for you 

Post # 160
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

beejolly :  I’m 31 and not married. I totally get it. Turning 30 was SO hard! Everyone I know was married right out of college or grad school. From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like marriage is a very big priority for him, which sucks a lot, because it sounds like it is to you.

My guy is on the same page about marriage as I am, but he isn’t interested in any of the details. And neither is anyone else I try to talk to about it. While at a botanical garden with my best friend I mentioned that it would be a pretty place to get married. And she said “You aren’t even engaged, why are you even thinking about stuff like that?” So I understand you not having anyone to talk to about things too! This site helps me a lot and I hope it helps you too 🙂

Post # 161
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

 @tiffy127 ouch… that was so harsh from your best friend! My sister says stuff like that – but my best friend would never… I hope she knows that was little over the line 🙁

Anyway… I think I messed up yesterday – it was saturday and weddings started popping up on my facebook like crazy. Among the usual gowns and venues one particular wedding stood up – all the wedding guests including bride and groom were dressed casually – sporty shirts, shorts…the bride had a white summer dress, and they hade matching red sneakers – I was astonished that they let them like this in church (we are VERY conservative country when it comes to that), but other than that I was impressed by their unconventional approach. I thought my BF would be interested, so I said – honey, I don’t want to bother you with stuff like that, but I thought this might interest you – and showed it to him. Boy, was I wrong. He said nothing, just looked at me briefly and back to his computer. What was I thinking? 🙁

Post # 162
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

 Hm… I guess I forgot how to reply to a specific person.

Post # 163
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Hi everyone !  Hope you dont mind if i join in wih this pact lol, My names joanne and ive been with my boyfriend for 7 years but no propsal yet. To be fair to him we do still live  at home as we’re still saving up for a flat so i can understand him waiting but we both went out a few months ago and bought the ring so i know its coming but i think im driving everyone.crazy talking about weddings and propsals so i think i need to stop and give my poor boyfriend a break lol sorry for long post good luck to everyone ! 🙂 x

Post # 164
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I started a journal a month a go (in effort to STFU) where I am free to “talk to myself” about the upcoming engagment. I figured: least in my book I can not be punished or judged for my thoughts. It helped at first to keep my mouth shut, but after a while what i was writting would make me cry or put me in a sour mood (which he would notice and then iquire about..) so I had to stop that too. lmao

I think ill get back to it soon ( and maybe write in private…) because now my “friends” are sick of hearing about it and my emotions !! lol

Post # 165
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

My friends have actually been good about humouring me. We have talked about rings, dresses, what my vision would be. They asked what sort of bachelorette party I would want. 1 is single and 1 is married. They don’t judge me when I look at venues online and show them lol. I am so grateful for them but I try not to over do it haha. But I also try not to talk about it too much for myself… I don’t want to feel like I have everything planned out before it happens because its not just my day. Plus I don’t want to fall in love with certain ideas and then have him hate it. So I keep my little pinterest boards and pin things I like but keep it “general” ideas. I don’t know if I could have a journal because it would mostly be “Day 1: No proposal” “Day 2: No proposal” lol Makes me focus on it when I normally wouldn’t. 

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