(Closed) Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) 2017

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 166
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I am joining this NOW! I really should have seen this yesterday though. Went through a hormone-fuelled meltdown because I know it’s coming (and I’m terrible at waiting), and read so many stories of girls waiting years only for nothing to happen that they got stuck in my head and somehow concerned me he’d do the same. He eventually snapped at me and told me when he was planning on it, which upset me more because I truly didn’t want to know since I know how much it means to him to have it be a surprise. It was a mess, I’m still a depressed grump today, but mostly just upset with myself for unneccessarily pressuring him so much when I know he’s going to stick to our timeline. 

Ugh. I am so frustrated with myself! So I am going to shut up, starting today (when I should’ve started weeks ago). I seriously need to stop thinking about the whole thing. It’s been nearly four years and I’ve been seeing all these couples get engaged on Facebook, which has not helped one bit, but I know (officially now) when he’s thinking and that I just need to be patient. 

It hasn’t helped that I’ve been away for work, and am on these boards constantly during work, which leaves me very little outside of wedding things to talk to him about. Hopefully, when I move back in five days, I’ll be too distracted with everything else to obsess over it anymore.

The worst thing is that yesterday has left a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing, so I’m afraid when it finally does happen, I won’t be able to truly be happy or overjoyed, but just relieved that it’s over, and still feeling guilty that I pushed him so much to find out more than I wanted to about the whole thing. I am my own worst enemy in this case (he was completely chill about the whole thing 10 minutes after it happened, and isn’t mad at me at all (which only makes me feel more guilty since he’s so good to me)), but I can’t seem to stop it!

Post # 167
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I started my shut up a few days ago and plan to keep it this way until our timeline says by March.

Me and SO have been together for 3 years and plan to move in together next year and get married 2-3 years after this.

I have been constantly worrying that the proposal will never happen, he wont propose romantically, hell forget about it as hes quite forgetful, i wont like the ring (as he wants to choose it completely himself but let me tell him the shape). Weve got into a few arguments because i keep bringing it up and he wants it to be a surprise so i really cant mention it again lol. 

Im a very big planner and organiser and OCD about timing etc and he really isnt. But he has surprised me with my birthday plans next month which are very sweet and this has put me at ease for now. I also know he has good taste in jewellery and know he wants to make me happy so i need to calm down for now!

Lets hope for no more emotional meltdowns! I think its made worse as its Summer and everyone around me is getting married/engaged and i reallyyyyyyy want to be engaged too.

Its nice knowing there are so many of you in the same position as me! Im rooting for us all laughing

Post # 168
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Oh dear i only started this pact a few days ago and im failing πŸ™ has anyone got any tips on how to distract myself lol :-p x

Post # 170
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

View original reply
becks90 : That’s so disappointing! I feel bad for you, bee. It’s gonna take some time for most of us it seems. When I posted on here, I ended up talking to him about it that night…whoops. Most of that was to clear up the fight and pull me back out of the dumps.

Now I am feeling much better about the whole thing, but I can’t tell what is and is not lying about in order to keep the rest of it a secret. Plus now I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it entirely could end up being next year, when he originally thought of proposing (but I pushed him to move it up a bit). It is not easy at all!

So I am going to try and invest myself in to learning how to cook more dishes, better. And working out so I don’t gain weight with that new hobby/skill. It’ll be hard for me to argue and push him when I’m sweaty and tired! At least, that’s what I’m hoping haha.

  

Post # 171
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Thanks for your replies πŸ™‚ , glad im not the only one although i bet you guys are doing better than me πŸ˜€ i think its extra hard for me as im a teachers assistant and currently on school holidays so ive had loads of time to think about it πŸ™‚ but going back to work in a weeks time so ill be distracted then and kept busy ! Yeah im thinking of taking up swimming as i used to love it but havnt been for ages but thanks for listening it really helps to know theres others in the same boat πŸ™‚ 

Post # 172
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
becks90 :  Oh no! When I saw your other post about NYC I thought for sure that it was going to happen for you then! I know how badly you want a proposal and how long you’ve been waiting for it. I’m rooting for you!!!!

Post # 173
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’ve been refocusing on my career plans and working on networking and lining something up for when my current position ends. 

I am also trying to muster up the energy to be more proactive in keeping the condo clean and tidy. I am pretty messy/lazy, and it would be good for my self-improvement to push myself a little harder.

I was really down throughout most of July, but my disappointment seems to have run its course. I had wanted a proposal by this fall, but that expectation is gone now, and it’s been freeing in a way. I don’t feel like I need to censor myself or be the “good girlfriend” in hopes of inviting an earlier proposal. I’m not putting that burden on myself while my boyfriend works through whatever is delaying him. He is going to do what he wants, and I’m going to do what I want in the meantime.

Post # 174
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

View original reply
Joanne1 :  YOU AND ME BOTH!! I failed soooo many times :X

Post # 175
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I totally need this group support. My guy and I have been living together for a year come Sept and we have a newborn. I really really want to be his wife but I need to chill. I am so happy with the way everything is now but I’m eager to continue moving forward. I know he needs to do things on his time line and it is something he wants to do so i just need to chill. 

Post # 177
Member
17 posts
Newbee

HI ladies.

I am joining the pact…SO stated he plans on proposing in the next few months so I have decided to drop the topic and see how it goes…good luck ladies

Post # 178
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Ugh I’m joining this pact now!!! Lol When I first joined this site SO and I never had the “talk” but being here encouraged me to confront him about taking things to the next step. I’m so glad I did!

Now that we’ve had the talk him and i are on the same page. We stated ring shopping and got my finger sized. After visiting different shops looking online we found a ring! So now im just waiting for a proposal. He gave me a time line and still i’m bringing it up. So now I need to zip it and let him do his job…Lol

Post # 179
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Joining the pact! 

My Story: I am a part of the once engaged but never married club. My ex fi. of 8 yrs total together broke off the engagement. 7 months later they had a baby (he cheated to my surprise). So, that was traumatic for me but that was also 3 years ago. Fast forward to today: I (30f) have found an amazing man (29m) we have been together for two years and living together for one of those years. 

We are very serious and will definitely be married someday. He sold his condo to move in with me in my house. Which is obviously an enormous sign of commitment. Being thirty years old though I have seen all my friends get married and start families. 

I have been trying to stay away from social media recently because every time I go on, someone else is engaged, married, pregnant etc… Today I logged in to see that my friends LITTLE sister got married. I helped that child learn to tie her shoes! Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for all of my friends and their exciting life changes but I’m also becoming jealous and wondering when my turn will be. Also, we know we want to be parents but who knows how long it will take to become pregnant. This has led to me asking SO about weddings and timelines more frequently and I don’t want him to feel pressured or nagged. Hence me joining the pact! 

We’ve talked about getting engaged and agreed that I needed to pass my licencing exams in my career first. I passed last week! I thought once I passed he would give me some hint that we were moving forward but it hasn’t come yet. 

I am promising myself to not bring up rings or weddings until after the holidays. However, I am going to ask SO that he not give me any gift in a small box (earrings etc) unless it’s the ring. He gave me a necklace on my birthday a few months ago and I nearly had a heart attack and felt bad because it was a beautiful necklace but I had to hide (and did so poorly) my disappointment that it wasn’t a ring. 

Thanks for listening!!! 

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