- 4 years ago
I’m getting desperate trying to figure out how to survive my wedding. My fiance and I have been together for 6 and a half years now and engaged for almost 9 months and still our wedding plans have come to naught. My initial idea after he proposed, never imagining he would have any objections to it, was private courthouse wedding with just the Moms (because they have threatened death if they are not invited) followed by a sitdown dinner for around 40 at my favorite restaurant, City Tavern in Philadelphia. Main pluses for me was it wouldn’t feel too much like a wedding and I could set it up for me to not be center of attention for long. Well, to my vast surprise, when I told my fiance my idea, it was an absolute NO. Never. Not going to happen. Under no circumstances. He wants a more traditional wedding.
For a bit of background, I have always been excruciatingly shy. I never went to my college graduation or had a party despite pressure and have never once regretted it. The lack of graduation gifts for me was 100% worth not having to be the center of attention. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was about 10, and even then, I lived with my grandmother and cousin who share my birthday so it was more of a group party where I was just a part of the mix. I’ve never had the desire for anything else. It’s not that I’m not a people person, I’m actually a receptionist and talk to and interact with hundreds of people a day, can chit chat and joke around with the best of them, but when it’s something specifically about me and just me, I just am looking for the exit.
To top this off I do not particularly enjoy weddings. I understand how important the day is to people who want that, I like being a part of their special day for them, but I’ve never particularly had a great time at a wedding. I don’t dance, so after dinner I’m typically hitting the bar so that I can get tipsy enough for time to pass until I can go home without it being early enough to upset anyone of make them realize how I really didn’t have a great time. It’s just not my cup of tea. If I could just watch their ceremony and go home I’d be completely thrilled to be invited.
Traditional weddings are a decent expense and I just can’t justify to myself spending even a modest budget on an event I won’t enjoy. His ideal wedding would be the wedding I’ve been to a dozen times since I’ve been with him: big flowery wedding with over a hundred people watching, followed by dinner and then the booming dance party with his HUGE over the top Italian family forcing me out onto the dance floor and constantly fawning over me and not leaving me alone for even a second to gather my thoughts. That, to me, is the stuff of nightmares.
My next thought, to avoid some of the largeness of the event, would be destination. And a far away enough destination to make sure really only immediate family could come. If it was somewhere cool enough (here I immediately think Scotland) that I can be too focused on how awesome where we are is that the wedding is just an excuse to be there. My best friend and I found a small castle in Scotland with a reasonable enough price and long enough history (I am a MAJOR history nerd, he proposed to me at Hever Castle in England and I was so excited about having gone to the home of Anne Boleyn I almost forgot to mention the engagement to family). Well, while half of my family is supportive (the other half keeps trying to talk me into a nightmare wedding), my fiance is somewhat wishy washy and his family is 1000% opposed. I ultimately got tired of fighting over it and ever since the wedding has been pretty much forgotten about for 6 months.
I really want to get married and start a family and move on with the next phase of our lives. We’ve been together for so many years now we’re practically already the old married couple. We’ve never been overly romantic, and I’ve never felt comfortable showing affection in front of anyone. How we are in private I see no reason to show to anyone else. In fact when everyone was ooing and aweing over his proposing at a castle in England all I could talk about was the history, and try to leave out the fact that all he did was sit down on a bench next to me and say “I’ve got something for you” after which 5 minutes later I had to ask him if it was just a present or if he actually had a question for me, LOL. That’s just him and I thought it was cute.
I’m afraid if I don’t come up with a compromise soon it will be another 6 and a half years before anyone else compromises. Sorry for such a long post, I’m just really lost as to where to go from here. The people that keep trying to “help” the most keep completely ignoring what I want in my own wedding. My typical conversation goes “Yeah I hate weddings, I want something small, and away from the bulk of family, preferably with an atmosphere and doesn’t feel like a wedding” and their response is “Hey! You should get married here in a big traditional ceremony!” Did you even listen to a word I said? *gives up* I’ve spent hours explaining to my sister-in-law why I will not have a traditional wedding here, she’s agreed with my on many particulars, and then turned around and suggested exactly what I just convinced her of I can’t and wont’ do.
Does anyone have any ideas/suggestions on places/ways to have small intimate weddings in a very casual atmosphere? Preferably historical in nature to take my mind off of what I’m being forced into. And definitely at least 5 or so hours away from the Philadelphia area? (which such, Philly is such a historical area for a history nerd!). Also on a very limited budget, because since I feel like I’m being coerced into this I’d rather save my money on a fantastic honeymoon to forget about how much I hate everyone I love 🙂