Post # 1
Ok total dilemma,
be and my boyfriend of 6.5 years just got engaged at the beach July 6 2012. He’s letting me pick out my ring and we’ve found one we like and are going to get it sized, and we were planning on telling our family next weekend (close family) and whole family at the family reunion 8/18 roughly. We arent the social media type and prefer to do these type of things in person. Sooooo his sister who has been dating her fiance 5 mo got engaged last weekend. We dont want to announce ours now, but wheres the fun in us in waiting? And it will be totally wierd when people ask when and then it will come out that we were engaged first. (Which i think the sister will actually be crushed at not being engaged first) and i also feel she wants/ needs the spotlight because she has been trying to marry most of her bfs for the past few years. (not kidding) we do like this guy and hope it lasts, but what about our engagement and excitement? I dont want to plan around them but now we have no choice. It would also be stressful on the family financially. Not to mention me and my fiance have been pinged for not being married forever, not sure I can deal with the when will you guys get married/ youre next esp since we ARE engaged and our announcement moment has literally been ruined. what should we do? this is really big for us and we are very sure we want to be married and were very patient and it all just got trumped by a 5 mo relationship share the news? wait? what do we do?
Post # 3
Well … you could elope, and then when people ask, “When are you two getting engaged,” (which is a totally rude question any time, IMO) you could spring it on them:
“Actually, we’re married!”
Okay, maybe not the best plan … but it would get people’s attention, and save your family having to pay for two weddings at almost the same time.
Post # 4
Announce it and plan your wedding. I’m guessing if at least one of them is sane, they will have a long engagement, so your wedding could still easily come first. Don’t worry about her desperation for attention, it sounds like her problem, not yours.
Post # 5
Why not announce it as planned? If your SIL was gracious, she’d congratulate you and share the happiness.
Post # 6
@KCKnd2: thanks i would love to get married right now but i think i would regret not having a “wedding” not a big wedding, but a small/medium fun family centered wedding with and open bar lol
eloping would…..also steal their spotlight, but we have to be courteous of that? or not? we were engaged first though? This is the worst! lol
Post # 7
I voted wait one month, but I would actually wait a week or two. Let them have one family gathering where everyone is excited about them, and the next family gathering can be about you guys. Plus the lag time will give you and your Fiance a chance to figure out the big questions:
- When is the wedding?
- Where is the wedding?
Everyone will ask both and its nice to be able to say “Summer 2013” or “next week” ect. Everyone assumes you know the answers the instant you get engaged even though you probably don’t.
You will also get questions that you can’t possibly answer like:
- What flavor will your wedding cake be?
- What are your colors?
- Who is in the bridal party?
- Who is the ring bearer?
Some of these you might actually have answers to, but you can say, “I’m not sure, I’ll have to talk with Fiance about that.”
Post # 8
It’s not the end of the world, really. Just announce your engagement, set a date, and make sure it’s not within the same month / week / day / hour as hers. Space it out well enough so there isn’t a “competition” between the two of you, but don’t put your life on hold either.
Post # 9
Announce it now but just plan your weddings at different times of the year. If you have a spring wedding and she has a fall wedding people shouldnt have as many issues financially. You shouldnt expect your parents to pay for the wedding anyways so if they contribute to either wedding you should be happy about it anyways.
Post # 10
I think there’s no reason you shouldn’t tell people. Sometimes people get engaged around the same time – it just happens. I think my sister and I each got engaged a couple weeks apart from one another. Just announce it as you had already planned. People will be no less thrilled for you or for your sister just because you’re both engaged. And by next weekend your sister will have already had a couple of weeks to bask in the excitement and good wishes from her own announcement. If she gets pissed that you’re engaged, too, she’s just being unreasonable.
Post # 11
I was in a similar but somewhat different dilemma..!
My Fiance and I, after having dated for 2 years just got engaged in April. Lo and behold, my older sis who has been dating her beau for 6 years got engaged TEN days after us. Although Fiance & I were somewhat annoyed at my sister’s FI’s timing at first, things sort of worked themselves out..
We all agreed that my sis would get married this November (destination wedding), and Fiance and I would get married locally in April 2013. I’m sure this is a little stressful for my parents, as two daughters are getting married so soon after one another.. but they’re also not paying for our weddings completely. They’re contributing heavily though!
I think you should just let everyone know 🙂 It really shouldn’t matter who got engaged first.. people will just be super happy for you (and your future SIL). It’s also fun to plan your weddings together, as I currently am with my sister. My huge dilemma right now is planning her bridal shower/bachelorette parties (I’m her MOH) while planning my OWN wedding.. sigh.
Post # 12
I would just announce it now. It’s not ideal but it’s the way it is. You are both engaged and so you will have to share in each others happiness. You should both pick your wedding dates with the other in mind, but I wouldn’t hesitate to announce my engagement.
Post # 13
I would just go ahead and announce it. I’ve seen it said many times here on the Bee that “no one owns the day”…not your engagement day, not your wedding day, etc. Hopefully you and your sister can find a way to be thrilled for each other and graciously share the limelight.
I just got engaged about a week ago, but my brothers will likely be engaged to their girlfriends soon, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got married BEFORE me, considering my wedding won’t be for another 2+ years! Instead of getting huffy about them stealing my spotlight, I honestly couldn’t be happier for them and I can’t wait to celebrate with them, too.
The more love and happiness there is in the world, the merrier!
Post # 14
Just announce it now! Your engagement has no bearing on hers and vice versa. Congratulations!
Post # 15
@asscherlover: I think that is GREAT advice!!
Post # 16
I vote to wait. You see on here all the time how brides get irate if they think their engagement or wedding day have been upstaged. It’s not worth the drama that would ensue and who wants to plan a wedding with that going on. Keep it a secret with the two of you and enjoy that for a month, it also can bring the two of you closer while privately planning without everyone else’s opinions in the mix. Congrats!