Member- futuredoctorbee
- 7 months ago
It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. Since then I’ve married the person I was in waiting with a few years ago, we bought a house, went on a few trips, just living life. Relationships have come and gone in the family. The usual stuff.
We’ve had a really lucky go. Nobody is outwardly mean to anyone and there haven’t been any true blow ups in my in-laws side of the family. I just feel like we don’t click and that’s the end of the story. My husband has 2 siblings, and they’re all close in age. We live driving distance to one (called A), and short flight to another (B). We don’t tend to hang out with the sibling within driving distance, but when the further out one comes to our area everyone seems to drop everything to “get the gang back together”. It’s all very nice in theory, but after many many years of doing this without any reciprocity I am at my end.
This past week was truly the the straw that broke the camel’s back. B came to the area and did not tell anyone except A, and have been together non-stop. We find out, along with other close family members (aunts, uncles, parents, etc.), that A has been in town for days and A, B, and their significant others, told nobody else. We all felt a little bad, honestly, because it’s seems so shady. Nobody is the type who would put pressure on B to do something if they didn’t want to etc. so we all can’t figure out why we were in the dark, and our feelings are all pretty hurt. We were having a “celebrate 10 people can be together outside” social distancing picnic the other day, and who comes walking up, but B. We were all excited to see them until we learned they have been here for days. When we asked them if they had been working or busy they said they had not. My husband at I in particular were very hurt, because we would’ve spent time with them a few days ago, but weren’t included.
This isn’t the first time that’s happened. Over a holiday last year, we knew they would be coming to the area generally speaking, but weren’t told a word once they arrived and heard it through the grapevine. We then reached out to invite both siblings over for dinner, and they arrive together, 2 hours late to the time we all had planned, having just been working out together (so nothing major that couldn’t have been timed a bit differently). This has happened for years.
After the background has been set – I am done trying to fit in with the duo at this point. I will go when I’m requested, but nothing more. My husband still wants me to keep trying and “squeeze in there!” and “family is different! never give up with family!” but it just hurts my feelings to much. I’m done feeling so one sided and being stood up or not kept in the loop. We’re not on the same page and I just want to love them, without liking them if that makes sense. Am I in the wrong? Please help me work through these feelings, and also help me better explain to my husband that I am not giving up on befriending his family, but I am accepting what the relationship is supposed to look like, and that it’s ok it doesn’t look like what TV shows portray in-law realationships to be.
