Post # 1
Both Darling Husband and I have had “serious talks” with our siblings (he with his sister and me with my brother) this past week about the quality of our sibling relationships. Basically they feel we don’t spend enough quality time together as siblings. We feel as adult siblings we are not required to spend quality time together. Of course there are siblings that spend lots of time together and that is cool if you have things, ideas, interests, etc. in common. But, why force it if it isn’t genuine? DH feels his sister is “fake” and additionally keeps up too much drama and he doesn’t want to be bothered. That’s why he intentionally keeps his distance, only seeing her at family gatherings for a short while. I like my brother okay but we don’t really share the same intersts and he can be a bit overwhelming (too long winded, forces his opinion on you, etc.) and I can only take him in small doses.
So, what is your opinion on what an adult sibling relationship should be?
Post # 3
I don’t think anything relationship “should be” a certain way-everyone is different.
My brother and I get along really well and have common interests. So we talk on the phone about once a week and make plans to do things all the time. My sister on the other hand is really difficult to deal with. We see eachother on holidays and dont make an effort to see eachother any more than that because it turns into drama and fighting.
Post # 4
@2ndtime: I love my brother and I like him as a person. We live very different lives and we don’t have much in common but he is still my brother. I can talk to him about anything and he has my back no matter what! I see him maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Usually the visits are less than an hour or a 15 minute phone call. My brother is very funny and easy to get along with. I’m the one who is the diva.
Post # 5
My Mom once told me that we have to love family because they are family, but we don’t have to like them. We get to choose our friends but not our family.
I would spend more time with one of my sisters if we lived nearer each other , but likely wouldn’t with the others. We just don’t have the same values or lifestyle.
Post # 6
I think as adult siblings, you should make an effort to get along with one another (for your parents’ sake) but there isn’t a need for forced hang out time.
Post # 7
What is odd is that we have all been getting along great lately. Both siblings are complaining that we don’t spend enough time together. That’s what I feel isn’t necessary. And… I don’t understand why they do. Could it have something to do with they are both older and single and are wanting company?
Post # 8
My parents always made a huge point of how important sibling relationships are and it really stuck with my brother and I. Besides our parents, my brother is the only person in the world that shares the same upbringing and family history as me and there is something very special and sacred about that. We share a lot of responsibilities and burdens together that have to do with our famile, (parents, grandparents, etc). No one else can ever fill that spot.
So with that background I do think that it’s extremely important to get along and spend quality time with siblings, even if your interests are different. My brother and I are in very different stages of our lives but we still make an effort, hang out together, take trips together and plot all sorts of shinanigans together.
Of course there are exceptions to this. There are those siblings that are just asses and no amount of shared blood would make time with them worth while.
Post # 9
I don’t think there is any set rule. I can say that I wish I was able to spend more time with my siblings, but distance makes that hard! I try to keep in touch online and by phone, but it isn’t the same as when I lived an hour away (or shared an apartment with my adult sibling for awhile!). I miss them so much…but I don’t think anyone should feel FORCED to get along with a sibling just because they are family. I feel blessed that I have enough in common with mine that hanging out is always a very fun time! 🙂
Post # 10
I have very different relationships with my siblings. One I usually see once a week and chat with regularly. The other is younger but I still see her about once a month and invite her out of town with my family. Another brother and sister I basically only see at holidays.
I guess I’m not really interested in changing the relationships from where they are now. The two that arent that strong are strained for a reason. I do not feel like suddenly hanging out more is going to change anything.
Post # 11
Family doesn’t get love and respect just because you share DNA. You still have to have mutual respect and kindness.
If your SIL causes drama and your Darling Husband doesn’t really like her, I don’t see why he should feel forced to have to spend time with her.
Post # 12
I voted that you should try to get along, but nothing is mandatory. Personally, I get along great with both of my brothers and love spending time with them. I’m closer to one of them and we also live closer to each other, so I do spend more quality time with him. But we are all good friends and the time we spend together is always “quality” time and not obligatory.
Post # 13
I don’t think you should have to spend time with anyone you don’t want to. I agree that with families there are certain obligations. I am grateful that Mr. Peach and I come from similar families with similar vaules.
We both genuinely enjoy our families and want to spend time with them. However, I know plenty of people who don’t feel that way about their siblings. My 2 best friends both have strained relationships with their siblings as well as parents and view time spent with them as stressful and a chore. In that case why bother?
Post # 14
I love my brothers. A lot! If we lived closer I think we’d see each other at least weekly. I can imagine my SO having my brothers over for boys things. One of them especially as they have the same taste in video games.
SOs brother keeps saying they should hang out more, but they have nothing in common and live a long way from each other too. So that probably wont happen.
Every family unit is different. I’m just lucky (or not so lucky lol) to be super close to all my family whereas my SO can go months without speaking to even his parents. Whereas I speak to my mum ALL the time.
Post # 15
@2ndtime: For my parents’ sake, my sister and I try not to openly hate each other. She lives several hours away now, and we see her and Future Brother-In-Law if they come home. Phone calls are fairly infrequent. Maybe a few emails.
Post # 16
I live half way across the world from my sister, so it does intensify how the relationship is defined. I only see her about once a year, and I do make the effort to spent time with her. Otherwise we chat online often and we’ll do phone dates occationally. It’s not “quality” time I guess, but it’s about the same as I treat the other important people in my life.
We are very, very different people, and a few years ago we didn’t make as much of an effort. Through some family stuff I think we’ve come to accept each other more – you can’t really replication that type of closeness in any other relationship, so it is certainly worth the effort.