(Closed) Sibling Relationship Expectations

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: What is your idea of what an adult sibling relationship should be?
    You're family and you HAVE TO spend time together. Regardless! : (6 votes)
    10 %
    You should make an effort to get along but spending quality time isn't mandatory. : (44 votes)
    72 %
    Adult siblings do not need to spend time together nor make an effort to get along. : (10 votes)
    16 %
    Other - (Please explain.) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    I don’t think anything relationship “should be” a certain way-everyone is different.

    My brother and I get along really well and have common interests. So we talk on the phone about once a week and make plans to do things all the time. My sister on the other hand is really difficult to deal with. We see eachother on holidays and dont make an effort to see eachother any more than that because it turns into drama and fighting.

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1750 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @2ndtime: I love my brother and I like him as a person. We live very different lives and we don’t have much in common but he is still my brother. I can talk to him about anything and he has my back no matter what! I see him maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Usually the visits are less than an hour or a 15 minute phone call. My brother is very funny and easy to get along with. I’m the one who is the diva. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    46404 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My Mom once told me that we have to love family because they are family, but we don’t have to like them. We get to choose our friends but not our family.

    I would spend more time with one of my sisters if we lived nearer each other , but likely wouldn’t with the others. We just don’t have the same values or lifestyle.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think as adult siblings, you should make an effort to get along with one another (for your parents’ sake) but there isn’t a need for forced hang out time.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    My parents always made a huge point of how important sibling relationships are and it really stuck with my brother and I.  Besides our parents, my brother is the only person in the world that shares the same upbringing and family history as me and there is something very special and sacred about that.  We share a lot of responsibilities and burdens together that have to do with our famile, (parents, grandparents, etc).  No one else can ever fill that spot.

    So with that background I do think that it’s extremely important to get along and spend quality time with siblings, even if your interests are different.  My brother and I are in very different stages of our lives but we still make an effort, hang out together, take trips together and plot all sorts of shinanigans together.

    Of course there are exceptions to this.  There are those siblings that are just asses and no amount of shared blood would make time with them worth while.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1444 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think there is any set rule.  I can say that I wish I was able to spend more time with my siblings, but distance makes that hard!  I try to keep in touch online and by phone, but it isn’t the same as when I lived an hour away (or shared an apartment with my adult sibling for awhile!).  I miss them so much…but I don’t think anyone should feel FORCED to get along with a sibling just because they are family. I feel blessed that I have enough in common with mine that hanging out is always a very fun time! 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have very different relationships with my siblings.  One I usually see once a week and chat with regularly.  The other is younger but I still see her about once a month and invite her out of town with my family.  Another brother and sister I basically only see at holidays.

    I guess I’m not really interested in changing the relationships from where they are now.  The two that arent that strong are strained for a reason.  I do not feel like suddenly hanging out more is going to change anything.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Family doesn’t get love and respect just because you share DNA. You still have to have mutual respect and kindness. 

    If your SIL causes drama and your Darling Husband doesn’t really like her, I don’t see why he should feel forced to have to spend time with her. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I voted that you should try to get along, but nothing is mandatory.  Personally, I get along great with both of my brothers and love spending time with them.  I’m closer to one of them and we also live closer to each other, so I do spend more quality time with him.  But we are all good friends and the time we spend together is always “quality” time and not obligatory.

    Post # 13
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t think you should have to spend time with anyone you don’t want to. I agree that with families there are certain obligations. I am grateful that Mr. Peach and I come from similar families with similar vaules.

    We both genuinely enjoy our families and want to spend time with them. However, I know plenty of people who don’t feel that way about their siblings. My 2 best friends both have strained relationships with their siblings as well as parents and view time spent with them as stressful and a chore. In that case why bother?

    Post # 14
    Member
    4126 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I love my brothers.  A lot!  If we lived closer I think we’d see each other at least weekly.  I can imagine my SO having my brothers over for boys things.  One of them especially as they have the same taste in video games.

    SOs brother keeps saying they should hang out more, but they have nothing in common and live a long way from each other too.  So that probably wont happen.

    Every family unit is different.  I’m just lucky (or not so lucky lol) to be super close to all my family whereas my SO can go months without speaking to even his parents.  Whereas I speak to my mum ALL the time.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @2ndtime: For my parents’ sake, my sister and I try not to openly hate each other.  She lives several hours away now, and we see her and Future Brother-In-Law if they come home.  Phone calls are fairly infrequent.  Maybe a few emails.

    Post # 16
    Member
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I live half way across the world from my sister, so it does intensify how the relationship is defined. I only see her about once a year, and I do make the effort to spent time with her. Otherwise we chat online often and we’ll do phone dates occationally. It’s not “quality” time I guess, but it’s about the same as I treat the other important people in my life.

    We are very, very different people, and a few years ago we didn’t make as much of an effort. Through some family stuff I think we’ve come to accept each other more – you can’t really replication that type of closeness in any other relationship, so it is certainly worth the effort. 

    The topic ‘Sibling Relationship Expectations’ is closed to new replies.

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