(Closed) Sibling upset over proposal

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What jerks. Who are these loons who think the world has to stop and cater to them? 6-8 months your life is on hold. Please. 

Post # 63
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake

Congratulations! I think the fact that the brother & his Fiance have put off the wedding for a year is probably a good idea. Hopefully they will use that time to grow the F up!

Post # 64
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’ll admit – if I got engaged (something you wait your whole life for. This isn’t a something that happens all the time), I would be mad if my brother announced his engagement a couple of days later. I mean – a couple of days! That’s awful close. You could have at least waited a month. I’d probably tease him for copying me – and maybe be annoyed – but not be so mad that I would move or cancel my wedding.

Post # 66
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I hate when people think nobody can get engaged within some ridiculous time period of their own proposals. Your brother can control the timing of his own proposal, not yours. 

ETA: Some of DH’s family was upset the day after our proposal due to us not announcing our engagement as they had imagined it. Though we were annoyed that they made our engagement about them, we apologized and despite the awkwardness of it all, life went on. 

Post # 67
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Question – since you knew when your Future Brother-In-Law was going to propose, did he similiarly know that you were about propose?  Not that it changes anything.  I’m just curious.  Also you said you guys just kept on doing some minor wedding planning before the proposal so it seems like ya’ll were already faux-engaged and the actually proposal was just a formality.  Is this correct?

Post # 68
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It sounds like his fiance is a major brat. She wanted all the attention. This would be a great way for your fiance and your BIL’s fiance to bond over planning your weddings together but she sounds like she won’t see it that way.  

The fact that she sulks at get togethers and brother told your fiance she wasn’t fond of you when she probably doesn’t even really know you makes me feel like she’s pretty insecure and immature.

I would express that you are sorry they feel the way they do, but this isn’t about them. For your relationship now is the right time for you in your lives to be engaged and married and it happened to fall in the same timeline as theirs. I would make my plans irregardless of theirs and set a date so they can figure out what they would like to do. Don’t feed into their drama or cater to anything, I would be very blunt and nonemotional about it. Hopefully she doesn’t start pulling shit to try and get back at you guys.

Post # 69
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

jab3387 :  nah man, you’re good. Next time you talk to your brother you say “we stole your thunder? What? Are you Thor?” 

There was no thunder to be stolen. Period. And if they push back their wedding and throw it in your faces you say: “I understand that you’ll have your wedding when it’s best for you two. Only you two can make that decision together.” BAM. 

Post # 70
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow they are being ridiculous. They should be happy for you even if you both got engaged on the same day. Your life does not revolve around them. If it were my sibling I would be so happy and share and engagement party.

Post # 71
54 posts
Worker bee

I don’t really understand being upset.  I mean it’s ultimately about each individual couple, I don’t see how being happy or congratulating one couple would mean your shared friends/family would have less excitement for another.  My family would think this was even more of a reason to celebrate, two engagements!! I mean… people graduate on the same day all the time, have close birthdays, etc.   I just don’t understand the “overshadowing” people speak of, are you getting engaged for attention or because you want to share your life with the person you love? 

Post # 72
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry that your Future Brother-In-Law is an ass.

Post # 73
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

jab3387 :  congratulations on your engagement. The only thing I will say is, (it’s harsh) so what if they’re upset! Leave them to it. You’re engaged! You’re about the start planning your wedding. This is a magical time- Too often we all end up worrying so much about what others think/feel/say/do and it detracts from what is important… The next step in your lives! I wish you both the best of luck – don’t sweat the small stuff. 

Post # 75
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Joy is not a finite resource. 

Congrats on the engagement! As everyone has already said, they are being very immature and it only reflects on them. Don’t get caught up in it or allow it to bother you. They can sink themselves and kick and scream all on their own. It’ll be clear to everyone who is in the wrong without you or your Fiance having to say a single word. The world doesn’t stop and wait for one person celebrating at a time.

For what it’s worth – Fiance and I got engaged about 4 weeks after his sister. My future brother in law knew ahead of his proposal because, hilariously, when he came to tell my FI’s parents and show them the ring and his proposal plan my Fiance was there and ended up deciding to share his own plans right then too! He hadn’t told his folks yet that he had picked a specific time and figured it was best to talk about it all together so they could make sure they didn’t pick the same day haha. What a day for my FI’s parents! It’s been fun for the family having it all at once. Our weddings will be separate years but for various factors not related to “thunder stealing”. 

Enjoy this time and don’t stoop to their level 😉

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