Sibling's girlfriend as guest? (She's married to someone else)

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
4103 posts
Honey bee

frustratedsis :  your brother should get a plus one. Who he chooses to bring is on him, not you. 

Post # 77
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

There are a few bees saying that you shouldn’t morality police or that this is none of your business, but I think that’s rather simplistic and unfair. It’s your event, of course the guest list is your business. If he wanted to bring a convicted murderer or worse as his +1 I’m pretty sure no one would have a problem with you saying no. Now, that’s obviously an extreme example and I’m NOT suggesting that having an affair is like committing murder, I’m just pointing out that actually everyone does have moral standards for their guests, it’s just that everyone draws their lines in the sand differently. 

Your brother shouldn’t have asked you if she could come in front of her and your parents. That put you in a very awkward position. It makes me wonder if he is going to do other awkward things like pull her into the family photos – in which case, what are you going to do, tell her to get out in front of everyone? And surely mutual friends are going to see them there together and talk about it? I mean it doesn’t seem like they’re trying to be at all subtle, but still, have they thought it through??

For me the thing that pushes this over into ‘nope’ territory is that you know this woman and have met her husband. If they were both strangers it would be easier to say ‘whatever, brother, bring who you like and I’ll ignore what you’re doing’. But here you’re already too personally involved and to invite her is too much like you’re picking a side and condoning the relationship. 

Post # 78
1560 posts
Bumble bee

frustratedsis :  so it’s an affair and she’s still keeping it secret from her husband, who she is still living with. That’s a hard no from me. It’s pretty hard to keep guest pics off social media and who knows what the implications could be if her husband sees them. Don’t bring this drama to your wedding day, you’re perfectly fine saying no to this guest in my opinion. 

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