Post # 1
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
I am hormonal. I realize that. So I’m seeking advice from people more rational about this than me.
Is there anything one of your adult children could do that would make you not want them around your infant? Would you feel differently if the adult child were not biologically yours? Or, do you believe that no matter what the offense, siblings should always have unrestricted access to each other? Or maybe they can, once they have their crap together?
DH and I do not see eye to eye on this, and I’m interested in some input from the hive. This, unfortunately, is not a hypothetical.
Post # 3
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t agree with unrestricted access. If one sibling could potentially harm the other sibling their interaction should be monitored by at least one of the parents at all times.
Post # 4
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Without specifics I have no idea how to give you advice.
If an older sibling was violent, a child molester, or had a drug/alcohol problem, they would not be around my new baby.
Post # 5
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
i 2nd what
@crayfish said… but if I felt there was any reason that I was feeling that a sibling shouldn’t be along with a new baby, I would follow my gut.
Post # 7
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
There is obviously a reason you are posting this. I think this person needs to be monitored, and I hope your husband can deal with it
Post # 8
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
Just like with grandparents, sometimes supervised access at agreed-upon times is necessary. For the safety of the baby and mental wellbeing of the family. Trust is earned, not expected.
Post # 9
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
@crayfish: I
would give specifics, it’s just not entirely appropriate.
I can say that it’s nothing criminal like that, but the behavior gives me a really, really bad feeling, it doesn’t make me trust this person at all. I would be inclined to not leave him alone with my baby, but DH says that’s ridiculous because they’ll be siblings, and maybe having a younger sibling will make him more responsible. I just don’t want an adult (even a new adult has to have some sort of accountability) who shows bad decision making skills alone with my baby.
Post # 10
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
If I strongly disagreed with the sibling’s actions I might not let them babysit, but yeah in order to form a strong relationship, there would need to be relatively unrestrained contact. (Which presumably the parents would want, since they are siblings and will hopefully have each other after you guys are dead).
Obviously, this is based on them having bad habits, not dangerous ones like Crayfish listed.
Edited for clarity.
Post # 11
Member
2223 posts
Buzzing bee
@Quietserenity: Watch & see how things go. You don’t need to give immediate unrestricted access. If your husband is right and the person in question does get more responsible (under your supervision) then you can feel better about allowing more time together.
If the bad feelings continue, it’s your perogative to keep your baby safe!
Post # 11
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
Thank you for the replies. This is a tricky situation for us (and in some respects always has been). I felt like I had to in some ways defer to DH about raising his son, but now that we’re talking about my child, it’s different, and I get an equal amount of say.
I wouldn’t want them not to see each other ever, but if my stepson’s behavior doesn’t change, I don’t want them alone together either. I don’t care that he’s not biologically my child, (I don’t place a distinction between full siblings and half siblings) I really believe I’d feel the same about anyone that would come in contact with us, blood relation or not.
Post # 11
Member
4800 posts
Honey bee
Please do NOT leave your innocent child alone with anyone who you have a gut bad feeling about. Myself as well as both of my cousins had horrible things happen to us as kids because of this, and I know it kills our mothers that they didn’t listen to their gut instinct.
Post # 13
Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
I’d agree to only supervised interactions. If you have a bad feeling about a particular behavior/action/past event, then I’d follow your instincts. This child is an adult child, if I read this correctly, so it’s highly unlikely that they’ll be very best friends/close siblings anyway. You’re the adult responsible for the infant, as is your husband, and the best interests of your baby should trump the ‘hurt feelings’ that the adult child could have.
Post # 14
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
If you feel like someone would potentially harm your child you have every right to keep them apart. I agree with pp’s when they say to listen to your gut. It doesn’t matter if the person’s your mother, mil, etc…whoever it is needs to be kept away. The parents are responsible for the safety and well being of their baby since they can’t do anything to protect themselves.
