(Closed) Siblings in the delivery room?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

It would be a good experience for her to have since she is at that age… The boys definitely NOT!  I would ask her how she feels about it, does she watch CSI and medical TV shows? Is she going to get grossed out and possibly faint? Also ask the delivery doctor… maybe HE/SHE feels uncomfortable having a 15 year old there? 

Post # 5
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater

My older brother and I (I was 5 he was 7) got to watch our younger brother being born. Then two years later we all watched ournext brother being born. My Mom had water births with both of them in a birthing center. I never thought anything of it until I was older and realized not everyone gets to watch their siblings being born. I think child birth is a beautiful experience. I would say let it be your daughters choice, but don’t push it. Or just say I would like you to be there. 

Post # 6
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Um, what has Doctor Who got to do with it?  I get that you think she can handle some grown up situations because she watches Law and Order SVU.  But Doctor Who isn’t really graphic or terribly grown up.  The spin off, Torchwood, though, is another story.

Post # 7
7409 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had my 8 year old daughter come in to see me while I was laboring.  My mother took her out for the actual delivery because I thought that would be too much for her.  But then they came in right afterwards when the baby was cleaned up etc.  I was so happy that I got to have her there for part of it.

Post # 8
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mother had my little sister when I was 12 and my older sister was 15 and asked if we’d like to be in the room. We both eventually decided against it, and I’ve never regretted it. I’m glad my mom gave me the choice and I went back and forth about it, but I was just too nervous to go through with it. My mom told us later that she was really glad in the end that we weren’t there because while her labor with us was really easy and quick, my younger sister’s delivery involved much more pushing and screaming. She thought we would have been traumatized by it. 

But, I think offering the option to your daughter is the way to go. Make sure that she knows she can leave at any point if she gets uncomfortable or that you might ask her to leave if it gets really intense for you. I think it could be a great experience for you both and either way, I was very honored, even at 12 years old, that my mom asked if I’d like to be there for it. 

Post # 11
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d give her the choice and let her know either way is fine with you. My brother and SIL were in the room for my son, but they were both adults by that point although neither had ever seen a birth. I said Come in if you want, leave if you need to and they were made much more comfortable by the fact that I didn’t show preference either way so they wouldn’t worry about letting me down no matter what they did. 

Post # 12
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the PP who said that you should give her the choice to be there if she wants and also let her know that she is free to leave at any time if she becomes uncomfortable.

Post # 13
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know it’s not the same thing but I was in the room when my aunt had my youngest cousin. While it was something I’ll never forget and probably the reason why I’m as close to that cousin as I am, it was still kind of traumatizing and I was 19. Then again, my aunt also hemmoraged and I watched blood hit the wall behind me so that was pretty intense. If anything, it served as a fantastic birth control. I may have even told her that I was “double baggin’ it from now on” after experiencing that! lol

Post # 14
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t have kids yet, but as the oldest daughter, I’d not want to be there for my siblings’ births. I mean, hanging out until about ‘go time’ is ok, but I don’t need to see that area of my mother. And I’m not a prude. And I’m sort of a ‘hippie.’ But still, some boundaries I just want to keep.

I think you could offer the choice to your daughter, like you said, but give her different levels, too. Come for part of it, leave once I need to get down to business, stay home for the whole thing, stay and watch the whole thing, etc. Also discuss things that may go wrong or be scary, so if she’s asked to leave, she’s not horrified and worried. Open communication and respect for your/her personal boundaries will win the day with this type of situation 🙂

Post # 15
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Something else to consider…how would she handle it if (God forbid) things went wrong, or were tougher than planned.  I ask this based on something my mom and I were just thinking about the other day…

My dad turned my grandmother away from the delivery room when I was being born.  It was not intentional, and the plan was not made ahead of time.  He had NO IDEA my mom would have wanted her there, so there was no malicious intent.  He simply did what he thought my mom wanted and there were no hard feelings for anyone.  This made me think how nice it might be to have my grandmother witness the birth of one of her great-grandchildren.  My mom thought this was a great idea.  Until we thought about it more.

If the pain was absolutely unbearable for me, could my grandmother really handle watching that?  Or if I needed an emergency c-section, or if the baby had to be quickly whisked away and everyone was freaking out?  There are so many things that could possibly upset an 85 year old woman.  There are many things that could happen to freak out a 15 year old girl too.

I am not saying don’t allow her in, of course.  But you know better than anyone what she can and can’t handle.  When I was 15, I never would have been able to handle watching childbirth, nevermind something going wrong.  But my sister at age 15 could have handled all of the possibilities I listed as a pro!

So I guess what I am saying is, base it on her maturity and comfort level.  We can’t tell you what to do because we don’t know her the way you do.


Post # 16
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My mom always had her kids in the room while birthing; we were all really young (I was 2 when my youngest sister was born) but no one seems to be traumatized.  🙂  I think it’s a personal decision she can make herself, since she’s a teenager.  What a cool experience, though, to witness your sibling’s birth!

If she does decide to stay, I’d have a back-up plan, in case the situation changes.  You can just let your nurses know that if you have any complications or whatever, you’d like your daughter to be escorted back to the waiting room.  That way, everyone knows the plan just in case something does happen.

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